Tag Archives: thankless job

Let’s schedule a meeting to meet about the meeting 

2 May

Why? Why do we do this? How many hours of our lives (and the lives of others) are we wasting on talking about pointless things like who is formatting the PowerPoint deck, who will bring copies, what to do if so-and-so brings up finance, who will monitor the clock? It boggles my mind that some people have to plan down to the last detail – including who is going to close the meeting.

You know who cares?  No one.  Not a single soul cares.

Except for maybe the douche bag executive I work with.  He gets pissed – not even making this up – if the staple on a deck isn’t placed in the proper place.  He’s been known to tear it in to, and send someone out of the room to make copies again in the right place.  This is a man with an advanced degree, relatively good hair, and an ego that can barely fit in the room.

WHY??

Really?  Does the placement of the staple matter that much?  Is it such an inconvenience to perhaps remove the staple to reveal the corner word?  No, not really. What’s even less convenient is having to sit in that room in a meaningless meeting knowing that seconds of our lives are ticking away.  Seconds that could be spent with loved ones instead of reviewing bar charts that everyone will immediately forget.

Can we make a pact? Let’s do it. I will if you will. The next time someone invites us to a meeting let’s slap them in the mouth and yell, “no!”

What say you?

Her career moves are like Elaine Benes’s dance moves

26 Apr

Seinfeld. What a great show about nothing. I miss it. No more amazing Thursday lineup on NBC. Instead there’s a reality show about talentless (Kardashians) wannabes, housewives with too much money and time on their hands, talent shows, the zombie apocalypse, or a medical drama.

I miss Elaine shoving people and yelling, “get out!” And her dance moves. She made me feel better about myself and my inability to move with the music.

I was reminded of her as a train wreck during a meeting this afternoon. Picture this: me as the fancy HR exec, a recruiter, and the fancy mucky much with great hair and zero feelings who is hiring a new secretary. Getting a meeting with this guy is hard to do. He runs one of the major business areas and is one step from CEO. You’d think knowing that the recruiter would be ready to go.

The two words that best describe her performance during this meeting are “hot mess.” She was 10 minutes late, confused as to the level, totally wrong on the pay for the role, and asking him questions that he’d already answered.

He cut the meeting short under the guise of having to grab lunch before his next meeting. I his way out she said to him, “the role sounds so great I might apply to it.” He turned around and walked out without saying a word to her.

The likelihood of her ever getting that job is the same as Elaine Benes winning a dance contest. Not gonna happen.

Be like Nike and just do it

25 Apr

There are times at work when I’m tempted to walk to someone’s desk, punch him in the throat, and then walk away.

This is one of those moments.

I landed in this high fallutin executive job awhile ago. In an ideal world people are supposed to do what I tell them. In the real world they stare blankly and drool on their desks. I’m not asking for someone to build a rocket that can go to Mars or for them to develop a cure to male pattern baldness. All I need is one lousy stinking report so that it can be sent to my uppity douche of a client.

Instead I get a series of inane questions and a request for a meeting. Great. Another pointless meeting. Just what the world needs now.

Here’s the agenda I’ll propose.

  • Stop being a douche bag (owner: asshole requesting the meeting)
  • Clarity on why you’re a douche bag (owner: me, 15 minutes)
  • Do as you’re told (owner: asshole requesting the meeting)

I have to practice controlling my eyes from rolling without giving myself a massive headache. Michael Phelps trained his entire life to became an zillion time gold medal olympian, if he can do it, then I’m pretty sure I can train myself to not roll my eyes.  Wish me luck.

TEAM CATHERINETTE!!

I’m going to be just like Gwyneth Paltrow, only fatter and with less money

21 Apr

Did you ever see that move, “Sliding Doors”, starring Gwyneth Paltrow?  The one where during part of it she has a really bad wig?  She used to be kind of cool back then, before she married Chris Martin from Coldplay and then got far too fancy.Me neither, I never saw it.  From what I understand, though, the premise is about how a woman’s life changes based on a decision.  Crazy to think that one instant can change the trajectory of your life forever.

Have you ever thought about your own life that way?  About the moments that define the path your life takes, and those that have led you to where you are now?  Decisions like whether to go to that party in high school or stay on the couch watching a Blockbuster movie with your family, to say yes or no to a date, to go to a certain university, to grab that condom or say “fuck it” (literally), to take one job over another, to move to another city, to mend that relationship or let it go, to have kids or not, to leave a bad situation or stay because it’s less scary, to say yes to something you’re afraid of?

I’ve made one of those decisions for myself.  A big one.

I know what you’re thinking, that I’m going off on some rant about how it’s probably about what kind of wine to drink while I’m watching my latest Netflix binge, Bates Motel.

[sidebar]

Please tell me you’re watching the show.  Are you watching it?  Because it is totes amazing.  Man did those writers do a fantastic job of creating an fucked up story about why Norman Bates is the way that he is and how freaking CRAZY his mother is.  And that season opener for season 3?  I mean, Norman spooning his mother?  Yuck.  Like creepy yuck.  Like on the cusp of incestuous but not and just gross and it made me feel so yucky, and I can’t wait to keep watching the show to find out what happens.  And also when I’m not being grossed out by the whole Norman-and-his-mom thing, then I’m staring at the teeth of the dude who plays his brother, Max Theiriot.  His veneers!  Ugh, they’re worse than Timothy Olyphant’s.  Just, not good.  They’re as fake as Lisa Rinna’s face.  No es bueno.  But the show, watch it.

[end sidebar]

Yeah, so anyway, big decision.  I’m quitting my job.  I’m leaving.  No more day long meetings, or serving as the complaint department, or as playing tech support, or trying to help someone manage his way out of paper bag, or stroking some douche bag’s ego. Life’s too short to be in a job that poisons your soul.

In exactly 61 days I’m submitting my resignation. I’m out.

Fingers crossed I win the lotto between now and then or I might have to go back to turning tricks behind the Safeway or dancing for nickels.