Tag Archives: online dating

Two months

1 May

Tomorrow marks 2 months since the Gods of online dating saw fit to match us and he sent the first message.  It seems like far longer than that already.  We have known each other for what feels like a lifetime, and yet we don’t know each other at all.

Falling into the rhythm of a new relationship has been easy.  We see each other every other weekend for a multi-night date.  Every night there’s a text message with a kissy winky face wishing me sweet dreams, and every morning there’s a bright cheery message waiting for me.  I’ve met some of his family, he’s met my sister, he’ll meet the rest of my family later this month.  This weekend I’m going to meet the rest of his friends.  We’ve booked a trip to Europe together.

We talk to each other on the phone everyday, usually more than once a day. During most of the phone calls there comes a time where he starts talking about how he can’t believe we’ve found each other, and how he’s never felt this way before.  One drunken night the other weekend he was getting ready to drop the L bomb.  I told him no, it was too soon.  He told me when we first started messaging he knew we were going to be together. He says beautiful things that fill my heart and set off sparks inside me.  All the things we chicks yearn to hear – he says I’m beautiful and smart and funny and he’s never laughed like he does when he’s with me and I make him feel special and he wants to spend time with me and he can’t wait for me to meet his kids (down the line) and time goes by so quickly when we’re together and time drags so slowly when we’re apart and he’s never been so excited to meet someone’s family.

My head is sometimes filled with “what if’s”.

  • What if he changes his mind about me?
  • What if he’s not smart enough?
  • What if he doesn’t challenge me?
  • What if he gets bored?
  • What if I get bored?
  • What if I’m just a rebound?
  • What if I only think I want to be with him?
  • What if what we feel isn’t real?
  • What if we don’t like each other once we really get to know one another?

I have doubts.  I don’t know if they’re real doubts or excuses I look for so it won’t work out and I can call things off before I get too involved.  If I get out now, then I won’t get hurt, right?  As often as he tells me how he feels about me, I am filled with insecurity.  If hours go by without me hearing from him I assume the worst and think he’s lost interest.  Which is ridiculous, and yet I can’t help it.  We’ve exchanged a few messages this morning, not as many as usual, and that makes me nervous.  Nervous EVEN THOUGH I know he’s out buying me shampoo and conditioner to keep at his house.  He went out and bought new sheets and bedding so I’d like his bed when I slept in it.  I’m being silly, I know it, and I can’t help it.

Being single, in many regards, is easy.  You have control over your life.  You decide who you let in and who you keep out.  You own your time and energy.  You do what you want, when you want, with whomever you want.  You don’t have to open yourself up to someone if you don’t want to.  I have been single for so long I’ve forgotten how to be in a relationship.  I am afraid to take the chance, of opening myself up to him and potentially getting hurt, of losing control over the life I have built for myself.

The honeymoon part of a relationship has always been my favorite part.  Effortless.  Amazing.  It’s like looking through life through a fresh set of eyes.  For whatever reason, this honeymoon phase makes me scared – I feel this time around I have so much more to lose and I’m afraid to give into it.  I’m looking for this to unravel and leave me wrecked.  Maybe I should stop doing that.  Maybe I should fall without knowing if there’s a safety net to catch me.  Maybe I should close my eyes and step off the ledge.

But I’m scared to do that.

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Protected: Chubby chaser

18 Apr

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Reading the subTEXT

28 Mar

I will not text Monsieur le Baguette until he texts me.

I will not text Monsieur le Baguette until he texts me.

Say it with me: no texting Monsieur le Baguette until he texts first.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last twoish months since I started dating again it’s that I need to slow my roll with my text messages. Where initially I was happy to fire off the first text, I’ve stopped doing that.  Thank you, Matt Hussey, for teaching me men like to chase.  Chase away.  A month ago I was freaking out because #4 hadn’t texted me in 2 days.  Recently, I outlasted him for 5 days – I knew he’d eventually pop up again.  I can fucking wait the dude out.  I don’t have to be the first one to send the text message – they are more than able to send a text, and if I don’t it sends the message that they are not the only thing going on in my life.  I am interesting and complex and smart and worth chasing.  Chase me!!

It’s been about 12 hours since MlB sent me a text.  He was “out of town visiting a friend” (code for working on his rebounds) yesterday.  He had mentioned it on Monday night, texted me yesterday morning, and called me around lunch time to chat for a little while.  Last night I sent him a good night text, when he got home (or at least I assume he was home by then) he wrote, “I missed you.  Sweet dreams. :)”  That was just before 1:00 AM.  Haven’t heard from him yet today.  YET is the operative word here.  He is going to text/call me.  I’m 100% positive.  He likes me.  He told me.

How to fill the space while I wait? I’m going to sit here and check my phone every 5 minutes to make sure I haven’t missed his message.  I can wait for him, it’s just not going to be patiently. I’m going to pretend to work.  I’m going to respond to emails.  Then I’m going to check my phone again.

What’s somewhat annoying is that I am getting messages.  They just happen to be from the Chess Player and #4 instead.

Chess Player and I spent most of yesterday and last night text messaging, though I’m trying to slow that one down. We’re going to have to work on some boundary setting.  Am afraid he’s jumping in too fast and thinks we’ll end up somewhere that we will likely not end up. We’re still on for tomorrow, though now I’m thinking I should probably not end up in his bedroom with him.  Partly because I’m not sure I can go through with it, and partly because I think he’ll look for more meaning in what we’re doing than what is actually there.

After 5 days of no messages, #4 sent me a message letting me know he was doing Spring Break with his kids.  Serious adult conversation ensued.  Or at least it did until we turned a corner and it turned to sexting.  That’s been going on since yesterday, and it’s been fun.  He’s on a new workout kick – will write about that later – and I’m now guaranteed to get updates every Wednesday morning.  He likes to hear about my “dates” with all of the details.  ALL of the details.  #4 thinks I shouldn’t bother with the Chess Player.  “Don’t waste time with the [Chess Player]. Your skills are wasted on him.”  Yeah, he’s probably right about the skill match.  Guy is probably ruined for bjs after me.  Sorry, not sorry.  Then #4 changes the subject and texts me all the dirty things he wants to do.  I’m guessing I’ll be seeing him in the next few weeks – now that skill match works just fine.

Kind of funny how a few weeks ago it was #4 who I needed the distraction from, and now he’s the distraction from someone else.  C’est la vie.

MlB, where’s my text message??

I’m just going to check my phone real quick…

Fire drill

25 Mar

I think I’m like many women in that I’d love to have a steamy, torrid love affair with a spicy hot firefighter. Or at least a dirty romp. It would be stupid hot, right?

Technically, I had one once. But it didn’t really count. He was a friend (with benefits) from college. Years after we graduated he came to visit and we ended up naked in my room. He was a paramedic at the time, and training to be a firefighter. It was hot, yes, but we got together because we’d already been together.

You can imagine my delight when Tinder presented the 34 year old, 6’6″ fireman. Swipe right!! Even better, we matched!!

We started messaging and it was anything but hot. It’s like a fucking job. Dude gave me nothing to work with. Usually there’s some kind of back and forth when you message someone. Trying to get him to engage is like pulling teeth. After a few days, I stopped responding for fear he’d bore me straight into a coma.

Guess who decided to message me again yesterday and today?

Ok, I’ll bite. Know what? He’s still boring.

Why can’t he be hot and interesting so I can play out my fireman fantasies while Monsieur le Baguette works on his rebounds?

It’s raining men

15 Mar

Dear sister, go away now.  Don’t read this post.  You should probably be doing something with Damien since he’s on spring break.  Bet he’d love to go see Black Panter again.  Oh, or I know!  Maybe you can plan a nice date night for when my bro-in-law gets back in town.  Mom and I can watch the kids on Saturday night.  You should work that shit out.  Also, go away.

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Signs

12 Mar

A first date can be stressful, painful, amazing, magical, and/or horrifying. Sometimes, if the date’s gone well, you’re left wondering whether/not there will be a second. Let me leave you with a few sure signs that you’ll be seeing each other again.

  1. He takes the train 45 minutes to see you.
  2. He buys you a box of chocolates before the end of your date.
  3. He buys you a giant bottle of whiskey to commemorate your date since you spent the day drinking whiskey.
  4. He books a hotel room so he can stay with you a little longer.
  5. You end up topless in his hotel room.

You’ll wind up on a second date in the next few weeks. You’ll probably want to shave your legs for that date…

Gimmie Love

8 Mar

Dear younger sister, or really, dear only sister.  Now’s the time for you to go and find something else to do and not read the post.  What’s for dinner tonight?  Are you and the kids going out since my brother-in-law is heading out of town?  May I recommend something delicious for tacos?  Because tacos are always good.  Get on that.  And stop reading.  Thank you.  Goodbye.

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