Tag Archives: Office Adonis

Protected: The Conference Room

21 Sep

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Even Aaron Spelling Would Be Proud of my 90210

3 Sep

Thursday was a magical day.  It was 90210, and I was ready to get my Shannon Doherty on – all except the whole “getting fired from work” part.

This day did not, at all, turn out how I thought it would.  I was wicked super psyched because it was my first official Happy Hour with Office Adonis – our first time out of the office outside of work.  I was going to stare at his guns and drool all over him.  Boom Boom picked out a good outfit for me and we left for work.

Like he did every other day, he stopped by my cubicle.

  • Office Adonis: Would it be wrong of me to tell you how hot you look today?
  • Me: Um, no!
  • Office Adonis: You look hot today.
  • Me: Aw, shucks!
  • Office Adonis: I can’t remember why I came over here, I’m distracted me now.

What a freaking flirt!

Blah blah fast forward.

We made it to the bar and another girlfriend (Irish) of ours came along as did Boom Boom and our friend Man Dimples (who has, shockingly, a mean set of dimples).  The bar we started at sucked so we decided to go somewhere else.  On the way out I noticed how busty Irish was and I made a comment to Boom Boom that I was going to have to tell her her rack was hot.  “Look who’s talking!” Office Adonis blurted out.  You realize, of course, this means he’s stared at my boobs, right?

When we got to the bar we all started talking about boobs and me made another comment about my rack.  Shock on my part, again.  Boom Boom told him that if he wanted to grab my boobs she would look away, and he pretended like he was going to.  We sat there for awhile and then decided to move to a table outside.  Man Dimples, Irish, and Boom Boom were in front of us.  As we walked out the doors Office Adonis said he was going to grab one of my breasts and asked if I had a preference, I totally thought he was kidding so I told him to take his pick.  He went for the left one.  He touched my freaking boob.  With his hand.  And it was in real life, not in my dreams.

Blah blah fast forward.

We were outside and somehow started talking about hands and I mentioned how much I liked callouses on a man’s hands.  Well, guess who has both hands covered with callouses?? Not from wanking it.  He lifts.  In fact, he an bench press 320, so you can imagine how fucking hot his body is.  He was kind enough to rub my arm with both hands, and I just about passed out from sheer delight.  Ugh, he’s hot.

Then the conversation turned to making out in the car and I have no idea how that happened, but he said he was going to take me to do it and ha ha, everyone thought it was funny and we all had a good laugh.  Irish and Boom Boom left to go to the bathroom and we decided to play a joke on them where we would run off, spy on them, and then tell them we were making out in his car.  We hid on the deck, but they would be able to see them, so I told him that we could walk around the restaurant and stand near the deck and spy through the gaps in the bars of the deck.

We snuck outside and as we were walking towards the side of the deck, he said:

  • Office Adonis: And I thought you were taking me out here to make out with me.
  • Me: Ha ha, I thought the same.  Come on, we can see them from right over here.
  • Office Adonis: My car is over there.
  • Me: You’re so funny.  It’s in the middle of the lot.  Besides, there’s a dark passage way under the bar. (I know this because we had just passed it.)
  • Office Adonis: Let’s go.
  • Me: Yeah, okay.  (Meanwhile, I kept walking away from it.)
  • Office Adonis: Well I’m going.
  • Me: [stunned because he had turned around and was literally walking down the path towards the passageway] Yeah, okay.

I swear on every single thing that is precious to me that I totally thought I was going to get there and it was going to be his idea of a little joke.  Then we’re suddenly both moving towards each other and BAM we’re kissing!  You could have shot me dead right there.  Right the fuck there.  We were making out.  With each other.  Together.  And not in my head.

And he’s a great kisser.

And he has a hot body.

And he was totally into it.

And he said, “The things I could do to you.”

And I’m pretty sure that I died a little bit on the inside.

Then suddenly reality started setting in.  We were underneath a fucking bar, on a Wednesday night, with our friends upstairs.

He tried to stick his left hand up my dress but I blocked him.  He apologized and told me he couldn’t resist and I could seriously die all over again.

I have no idea how long we were there.  It could have been 30 seconds, or I could actually be 66 as I write this.  I don’t know.  We went back inside, he went back to the table, and I went to the bathroom to make sure that it didn’t look like I had stuck my mouth inside a fucking vacuum hose.  It did. Thankfully, it was dark outside so you couldn’t really see anything.  I sat down, and no one had a clue.  We went back to all talking about whatever it was that we were talking about and I spent the rest of the time freaking out on the inside.

After he left, Man Dimples and Boom Boom spent 20 minutes telling me that I could totally have Office Adonis if I wanted to.  That he liked me.  That he was into it.  I told them they didn’t know what they were talking about.  Boom Boom just said, “You are totally going to make out with him.  It’s going to happen.”  I told her she was crazy and no, it would never happen.  Man Dimples got up to go the bathroom and suddenly I was 16 and I was whispering in the hallway to my BFF that I had just made out with the Football Captain.  We squealed and jumped around and I gave her every single detail and told her not to say anything.

On our way home, everything started to settle.  I’m looking for more than short term.  I don’t want a fling with him.  We work together, he sits 3 aisles from me, he has a girlfriend, he’s 9 years younger than I am.  This can’t happen.  No matter how I look at this, it ends badly for me.

And then I woke up this morning and my head is in the clouds and I want to bang it against the wall at the same time.  I was so nervous to go to work, partly because I didn’t know how we would act, partly because I feel guilty, partly because I like him, and partly because I’m part idiot (on my dad’s side).  I panicked for nothing.  Everything was fine.  Like any other day, I had an IM from him within an hour of walking through the door.

This one, however, was different.  He alluded to last night, but kind of casually.  He said that I had made him feel special yesterday (we were talking about cheesy shit).  I called him a flatterer and he told me that maybe he should slow the flattery down, and I told him not to and he asked me if I wanted more.  Like an idiot I said yes.  And as I was writing to him I was thinking, “what the hell am I fucking doing?”  This will end badly.  What future do we have?

He came to see me this morning and we didn’t talk about it other than saying that happy hour was a good time.  He asked me if I had been drunk, I told him I hadn’t been.  As he was leaving he said something about how I wanted to take advantage of him, and I told him that he was a willing participant.  Then I said, “Wait a minute, wasn’t it the other way around?” He said that he had been very willing.

That was it.

I’m back home next week.  No Office Adonis.  Maybe that will give me enough time to bust my own skull open on my bathtub.

No 27 year old boys who sit 3 aisles over and have wicked hot bodies and girlfriends.

Fuck.  I am so screwed.