Tag Archives: Monsieur le Baguette

Checking In

5 Oct

Amazing what a little therapy and some conversations about feelings can do for a relationship. My therapist has been helping me to chill the fuck out.  And Monsiuer le Baguette?  He’s been good.  Once I told him I was starting to feel the distance he upped his game and re-engaged.  Phone calls and texts everyday, telling me how much he missed me, saying he was sorry that he’d been less than attentive. It’s been 2 months since we had that conversation and he’s been fully present – or as much as he can be since after he came home and we saw each other we then went another month without seeing each other.

After his long ass trip away, we reunited during a tropical vacation.  We met in the airport in the Bahamas.  Romance, my friends, poor romance – it was our “Love Actually” moment.  Rushing into each others arms all hugs and kisses while we made everyone want to vomit with our “I missed you’s” and “I’m so happy to see you.”  And just like that all the distance melted and we were golden. Back to the moments I love when he mindlessly reaches for my hand when we’re walking, or when he places his hand on my leg when we’re sitting next to each other.  When he throws his arm over me in the middle of the night, then reaches the other under my pillow and holds my hand.  Eased right back into all of it.

The Saturday we were together was stupid romantic, silly romantic.  We slept in, we went to the beach, he held my hand while we went snorkeling – it was just the 2 of us by the reefs completely surrounded by fish.  He went back to the room for a bit and I stayed at the beach.  When he got back he told me he’d gone ahead and made plans for us for the rest of the weekend, including a champagne party that night and and anniversary dinner for our last night together.  We curled up on the lounge chair on our balcony and watched the sunset together, he was the big spoon.  The champagne party that night was on the beach.  As you can imagine, there was a lot of champagne and then there was a make out session on the beach.  There were L bombs exchanged.  Pure romance.

We saw each other again the following weekend, and then I flew across the world to hang out with Whiskey Tango Foxtrot for her 40th birthday.  She and I had a fucking blast – packed every single minute with stuff to do.  Can’t decide if the most fun part was her birthday party and stealing all of her friends, or the time when we met up with friends for dinner.  A glass of wine and dinner turned into a bottle and a half of wine and then whiskey.  Why, God, why did the whiskey have to come out.  Fun fact, which Whiskey Tango Foxtrot doesn’t know about (until she reads this), sometimes to ensure I can stop drinking I pour extra booze for those around me, I may have done that…Let’s just say the night included having to ask the uber driver to pull over so she could pull over and throw up on her shoes.  Good times, good times.

Anyway, back to Monsieur le Baguette…

7 months in and we’re in a great spot.  I’m currently sitting at his dining room table while he takes a conference call in his office.  We have the whole weekend together after not having seen each other for a month.

He went out this morning to buy provisions to make me breakfast.  When I took my seat at the makeshift office I’ve made for myself, I saw he’d put a fresh box of tissues next to my computer.  I’ve been battling a cold the last few days and he’s made sure I have everything I need to make myself comfortable.  He made my coffee this morning.

Tomorrow we’re hitting a major relationship milestone: we’re going to IKEA together and then we’re going to attempt to build some furniture.  We’re both stupid excited to do it.

So for those of you who’ve reached out to ask how things are going, they’re good.  I’m happy.

 

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Unraveling

2 Aug

Week two of Monsieur le Baguette’s epic trip with his daughters is midway through.  He comes home at the end of the month.  We head to the Caribbean the day after he returns.  We’re flying separately.  It seems like it should be something so exciting to celebrate!  A romantic rendezvous after 6 weeks of being apart.  Breakfast in our king sized bed with an ocean view.  Strolling hand in hand along the beach at sunset.

I don’t foresee any of those things happening.

Something is wrong.  Interestingly enough, it was almost one day to the next.  One day he was telling me he wished I was with him and how it would be the best vacation ever.  Next thing I know he barely responds to texts and has suddenly lost interest.

Yes, I know he’s with his kids.  He was with them when we started dating and he was staying up until all hours on the phone with me.  Yes, I know he’s away.  When I was away he text messaged me all the time.  Yes, I know sometimes he’s with his family.  When he had friends in town he would find a way to message me.  To at least say he missed me or was thinking of me.  Now I get short responses to my questions.  There is no dialogue.  There is me pulling information from him, waiting forever for a response, and then a quick response.

Had a bit of a meltdown yesterday and #4 had to talk me down off the ledge.  I vomited all sorts of nothing into text asking him to help me.  I welcomed him to my low self confidence.

He told me what it was like to be a single father and it was hard to communicate sometimes.  “Focus on what he says and does, NOT on what he doesn’t say and do,” he wrote.  Okay, fine.  What he says and does is different than what he said and did before.  Even from what he said and did last week.  There’s less reach out.  He asks less questions now.  He flirts less.  He tells his daughter no when she wants to speak with me on the phone.  He is disengaging-I can feel it.

“Hey-feelings are ok.  It’s easy being single.  But a meaningful life is all about struggle right?” #4 told me at the end of our conversation.

Is it?  Perhaps I just want the easy part.

Perhaps we had nothing to build this on.  Perhaps it was that we’d had some things in common and now that he’s away there’s a realization there’s not much binding us together.  Perhaps it was the right place and the right time and it was only meant to last for a little while.  Perhaps it’s that Mercury’s in retrograde.  Perhaps it’s that I’m PMSing.  Perhaps I cried to my boss about it this morning.  Perhaps I’m not meant to be in a relationship.  Perhaps I’m blowing things out of proportion.  Perhaps I’m right to recognize something is wrong.  Perhaps I was right about being his rebound.

I’m not carrying the conversation anymore.  I told him awhile back he can’t coast and he has to work for it.  I don’t have time to chase after him – I’ve too much stuff on Netflix to watch.  Too many vacations to plan.  Too many instragram posts to scroll through.

On Monday I’ll be seeing my therapist.  The one I haven’t seen in nearly 8 years.  I can’t dig out of this by myself.  I need some extra help while this unravels around me.

Left Behind

25 Jul

What he says: I’m leaving on vacation.

What I hear: I’m leaving you.

Ah, the joys of abandonment issues.  I highly recommend never developing them – because they’re lame.  As long as I can remember any time one of my boyfriends left for an extended period of time it meant they were leaving forever.  I’d like to thank my dad walking out on my family when I was little for the irrational belief.

There’s the niggling little voice who has taken residence in the back of my head.  Chanting encouraging things like, “Destined to fail.   You won’t make it through.  He’s left you behind.”  A voice I know well.  A voice I give too much credit too and don’t know how to silence.  The one who, when any gap in communication happens pops up with, “he’s lost interest in you.”  Logically, I know feelings don’t change that quickly – emotionally, I buy into every single thing the voice tells me.  I look for my escape route and plan my exit so I can do it before he does.  The end is easier if I make myself believe it was my choice to end things, that I had some control over it.

MLB is off in Europe for the next month with his kids.  Fantasy adventure dream vacation.  The absolute best for them.

Meanwhile, I’m here biting my fingernails and talking myself off the ledge for being ridiculous.  In the lead up to his leaving last week I had to keep reminding myself we weren’t saying goodbye forever, it was just goodbye for now.  I wanted our last night together to be special and magical.  He told me I was making the goodbye into a bigger deal than it had to be, we would see each other in a few weeks, it was just vacation.

The morning we said our goodbyes I struggled to keep it together, believing everything would unravel and it was the end.  He kissed me and handed me a card and told me to read it later.  Nail in coffin.  Obviously this was the dear John letter where he had written things would be different when he was back, life would change, our relationship couldn’t continue as it could.  It was over.  Because this is how my mind works.  The end is near!!  The end is always near.

I ripped open the card and wept like a tiny baby.  Phrases like “head over heels for you” and “I can’t wait for the coming months” and “I’m going to miss you.”  Swoon, right?  Everything I wanted to read.  Comforting words about how the next month was just that, a month in which we’d be apart and then we’d be back together again.  That’s good, right?  The day he left we talked a few times, we exchanged our text messages with L-bombs.  We made plans for when he’d get back.

We talked this afternoon for the first time since he left (2 days ago). And the voice says to me, “Notice how distant he seems.  You have nothing to talk about.  He’s getting bored with you.  How can you possibly keep him interested for the next month?”

How does one silence the voice?  Shut it up and make it go away?  What’s the trick?

 

Sweet Imaginary Office Romance

16 Jul

Ah, the secret boyfriend.  So secret he doesn’t even know about it.  Is it cheating if you have a real boyfriend and a secret boyfriend at the same time?  No lines crossed – except for when you stare into his dreamy green eyes a second too long.

The Cyclist joined our team about a month ago.  When I met him during the interview he reminded me so much of Monsieur le Baguette (MLB).  Two primary differences, The Cyclist looked smashing in a pin stripe suit with suspenders (swoon with me now) and I’ve never seen MLB in a suit; and MLB has dreamy blue green eyes where The Cyclist has dreamy green eyes.  They’re both divorced.  They both have kids the same age.  They seem to have a similar sense of humor, not 100% sure of The Cyclist’s since he and I haven’t gone out and gotten drunk – yet.

Every morning he has to walk by my office and he’ll pop in to chat for a few minutes.  We were the last 2 in the office on Friday afternoon, and talk turned to happy hour and where we like to go drinking.  I had mentioned I was heading out but wasn’t feeling it since MLB and I had gone out the night before and I had woken up still drunk.  “Morning sex is the best,” he said to me.  “Ugh.  I was too hungover to do anything this morning.” I replied.  “I don’t want to know,” he responded.

Yes he fucking does.

So whatever, we went off our separate ways after agreeing to go out and grab a drink sometime.

I went home to an empty house as MLB had gone off for a boys’ weekend which was basically a 2 day bender.  Yesterday morning when we were texting he told me he was planning on leaving early and wanted to come and stay with me.  Um, yes.  We had a nice night.  I rocked it as the little spoon, he hogged the bed, he was adorable.  Usually, when he sleeps over during the week he gets up when I do and feeds Mr. Bojangles then makes me coffee.  Think the bender got to him as he was dead to the world.  When I woke him up to tell him I was leaving he tried to pull me back into bed with him.  Tempting, but dating him is expensive and I gotta pay my bills.

Sitting at my desk this morning and the emails start popping through from The Cyclist.  Questions about how the weekend went, plans for the week, etc.  A secret romance is blossoming.

Public Restrooms

6 Jul

I’ve never been one to submit to the odd grope in the toilet.  PDA?  Sure, who hasn’t done that.  And what person hasn’t found themselves HAMMERED outside a bar during her college years and ended up making out with someone then blacked out and not remembered it and then 8 people tell her the next day they saw her making out with the weird looking ginger right after midnight?  I mean, come on now, that’s a common occurrence, right??

Monsieur le Baguette has shared seedy stories from his past which include receiving oral pleasures in the middle of a packed bar and then banging the chick in a vestibule.  Romance.

Since we started dating a few months ago he’s tried, repeatedly, to romance me in public restrooms.  He’s been denied, repeatedly.  When I met his friends a few months ago he dragged me into 2 different bathrooms and suggested we do all sorts of naughty things.  I, being the absolute lady I am, politely declined and left him there on his own.

You can imagine his surprise when on Monday, while we were in a upscale establishment during our UK holiday together, I returned from the restroom and told him it was very private and we’d never get caught.  “Are you kidding me?” he asked.  “Nope, it’s very secluded, no one would even know we were in there,” I replied.  “Why are you telling me this?” he asked.  I smiled and replied, “just thought you should know, in case you wanted to go…”  He practically jumped out of his chair and dragged me back there.

Fast forward to 30 seconds later when we’re in the secluded bathroom.  A romantic setting for a rendezvous.

I’ll skip over some of the details.  Let’s just say there were pants around ankles when someone started pulling at the door handle.  “They’ll go away,” I whispered to him.  So we went back to what we were doing (or attempting to do).  A few minutes went by and we could suddenly hear a lot of people outside the bathroom.  “Shhh,” he said, “just keeping going.”  We did.  And then the rattling of the door knob started again.

Awesome.

“We’re going to have to leave,” he said.  At which point we had to come up with the plan of how we were going to exit.  We’d wait a few minutes until it quieted down a bit, then he’d walk out first, I’d skip a beat, and then follow.

Out he walked into the light of day.  “Excuse me,” I heard him say to someone as I closed the door behind him.  30 seconds later I pulled the door at the exact moment the cleaning lady was pushing the door.  She clearly didn’t realize there was anyone else in the single bathroom.  It was evident by the spectacular look of shock and horror on her face when I popped out and said, “hello,” as I brushed past her and kept walking.  Poor woman.

Absolute fucking disaster.

Go home, Sugar Bear

15 Jun

I love the experience of going to the movies to see an action flick.  Sitting in a dark theater, the sound of explosions all around me, a bucket of buttered popcorn in my lap, and a plastic cup full of cheap white wine in the cup holder next to me.  Have you gone to see Deadpool 2 yet?  You should.  It’s hilarious!  On the phone with my girlfriend the other night she mentioned it wasn’t as funny as the first.  Au contraire mon frère – it’s just as funny, maybe even funnier!  Burst out laughing a few times.  You should definitely go and see it in the theater.  Immediately if not sooner.  The only thing that would have made it better is Ryan Reynolds, sans Deadpool makeup, doing some full frontal.  Alas, was not to be.

#4 and I had a lovely time on our platonic date.  Or non-date as it were.  He’s shaved his beard, it suits him.  The last time I saw him he was leaving my house just before midnight about 2 months ago.  We’ve kept in touch since then, obviously, and there’s been zero discussion of what we’d done in the past.  Just the transition to friendship.

There was no full frontal last night.  There was no semi frontal last night either.  I paid for the tickets, he paid for the popcorn and drinks.  We caught up a bit – not that there was much to catch up on since we’ve been texting most days.  We sat in the dark together and laughed.  Our arms were touching at one point and it made me wonder whether it was deliberate or if it was more related to the way personal space changes after  you’ve been with someone.  Even after it’s transitioned to friendship there’s still something about the personal space which changes – there’s a bit less of a distance, I guess.  I drove him home.  And now what else? I had zero desire to dive into his lap, and I’m pretty sure he felt the same way.

So Tinder has given me several hookups, a few trips to Bone City, 1 boyfriend, and 1 friend.  That’s a pretty good outcome.

Asking for a friend

14 Jun

Let me throw a scenario out there and you tell me your thoughts.

So I have this friend who has a boyfriend she’s been seeing for a few months.  Let’s call him Mister the Bread.  Typically when she and Mister the Bread hang out, they have multi-day dates.  Every other weekend.  This weekend he’s supposed to visit her, however, as it turns out he has some chest infection.  He’s been sick for a few weeks.  The conversations the last week have basically been about how he’s sleepy and is going to go and take a nap or what he should watch on TV while he lays in bed.  She’s annoyed.  They decide to postpone the visit and see how he feels tomorrow.  He wakes up from his nap and calls her.  He happens to mention he now has his kids tomorrow night which means he’s not going to visit her at all.  He says his medicine has kicked in and he’s getting sleepy again.  Because he has taken medicine with codeine, which he doesn’t need, just before he called her.  She tells him to go and take a nap.

Her plans for the evening are now wide open.

And let’s say this friend has kept in touch with someone she boned.  We’ll call him #3.  Their “relationship” transitioned easily into friendship and all of the insanely spicy messages they used to send each other were immediately stopped when she started seeing Mister the Bread.  Anyway, he takes himself out to movie dates all the time.  Learning they’re both free this evening they decide they’re going to meet up at the movie theater to see an action film.  Platonic date – everyone pays for themselves, no touching.  There’s no romancing.  She’s not even going to wear mascara or dress like she’s on a date, she’ll frump it up a bit.  This seems like a totally awesome idea, right?

On a scale of 1 to bad idea, how do you rate this scenario?