Tag Archives: Folgers

(Work) Wedding Bells

30 May

Everybody, I have an exciting announcement: yours truly is getting married!!  That’s right!  For the first time in about 3 years I’m going to have myself a work husband.  So excited!!

There’s something so special about the relationship between work spouses.  There’s a fine balance between friendship, intimacy (in a mostly non-sexual way), and professionalism (kind of).  Your work spouse is the one who you know can keep a secret, who you give pep talks to when they’re feeling blue and who’ll do the same for you, the one who you trouble shoot with, and celebrate with when one of you has a win.  They’re the ones you have secret exchanges with in meetings.  Kind of like a work bestie – only with way more flirting.

In the past I had Disney and I had Folgers.  I even had a boss with dreamy blue eyes who I was promoted above and then I made him sit next to me and we would distract each other from work for ages and now when I see him I want to climb in his lap and tell him to hold me.  Actually, I wanted to do those things when we worked together.  Alas, he was married.  He still is.  God damn it.

My new work husband, or maybe he’s a secret work husband since he doesn’t know about it yet, has just been hired.  He wears pin striped suits with suspenders.  He is funny and charming.  He is sharp.  We’re going to hit it off and soon we’ll be off at lunch excluding the other leader who has a shitty attitude about life.  I can’t even wait!

He reminds me of Monsieur le Baguette a little bit.  Only a bit more conservative and with dimples.

A real life boyfriend and a real life secret work husband.  Both with dreamy eyes and charming personalities.  What could possibly go wrong?

Life is good, my friends.

Vacation: Day 16

2 Jan

What day is it?  Is it Monday or Tuesday?  Or is it Sunday?

I could get used to this whole staying in pajamas all day and not knowing what day it is.  There’s a lot of TV that needs to be watched, a lot of friends to lunch with, a lot of naps to take, and a whole lot of showering to avoid.  Sixteen days of it, and I’m still not sick of it.  I just want to stay wrapped up in my pink snuggie from here to eternity.  Though it would be nice if I could find someone to bring me some coffee.  Having to get up off the couch ruins this whole “sloth” thing I have going on right now.  I’d like to be so sedentary I start to grow mold.

Sadly, my life as an unmarried housewife ends tomorrow.  Back to work.  Back to cubicle world and stupid planning meetings and Folgers dreamily staring at me.  It’s hard having a poor sob fawn all over you.  It’s hard and sad when the dude is married, has two kids, hates his life, and has no direction.  It’s hard, sad, and annoying that we’re now on the same team and will have to work on EVERY single project together.  Wonder if he’ll start crying at work (again), or getting all depressed when I start telling him about all the horrible dates I’ll be going on once my stupid online dating account is reactivated.  God he has a lot of feelings.  He is more of a woman than 3D ever was.  At least 3D has a hot body and big dick to counterbalance his femaleness.  Folgers has a pair of man titties and a beer belly.  Woe is me!  WOE!

What that does that even mean?  Where does “woe is me” come from?

And this is how I’ve been filling my day.  Coming up with stupid questions which I can answer on the interwebs.

If’ you’ll excuse me, I now have to go research “woe is me”.

Enjoy your Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, or whatever it is today.