Tag Archives: Disney

(Work) Wedding Bells

30 May

Everybody, I have an exciting announcement: yours truly is getting married!!  That’s right!  For the first time in about 3 years I’m going to have myself a work husband.  So excited!!

There’s something so special about the relationship between work spouses.  There’s a fine balance between friendship, intimacy (in a mostly non-sexual way), and professionalism (kind of).  Your work spouse is the one who you know can keep a secret, who you give pep talks to when they’re feeling blue and who’ll do the same for you, the one who you trouble shoot with, and celebrate with when one of you has a win.  They’re the ones you have secret exchanges with in meetings.  Kind of like a work bestie – only with way more flirting.

In the past I had Disney and I had Folgers.  I even had a boss with dreamy blue eyes who I was promoted above and then I made him sit next to me and we would distract each other from work for ages and now when I see him I want to climb in his lap and tell him to hold me.  Actually, I wanted to do those things when we worked together.  Alas, he was married.  He still is.  God damn it.

My new work husband, or maybe he’s a secret work husband since he doesn’t know about it yet, has just been hired.  He wears pin striped suits with suspenders.  He is funny and charming.  He is sharp.  We’re going to hit it off and soon we’ll be off at lunch excluding the other leader who has a shitty attitude about life.  I can’t even wait!

He reminds me of Monsieur le Baguette a little bit.  Only a bit more conservative and with dimples.

A real life boyfriend and a real life secret work husband.  Both with dreamy eyes and charming personalities.  What could possibly go wrong?

Life is good, my friends.

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Schooling The Tutor

18 Feb

Those of you who have been reading this blog for awhile know that I’m dead inside. I don’t like feelings.  I like to repress them or eat them (or write to you about them).  I don’t like to express them and I abhor talking about them.  What I dislike even more is dealing with a guy who has more feelings than I have.  Deep down inside, I’m a horrible person.  There comes a point where someone expresses too many feelings and my cold dead heart gets super annoyed.  A guy wanting to talk about his feelings ad nauseam brings out my inner bitch.  No likey the low self esteem.  Yes, I totally suffer from low self esteem. I also have the common decency to not talk about it at the early stages of a relationship.  It’s not cute.  As it turns out, The Tutor is someone who suffers from Sensitive Guy Syndrome.

Earlier in the week I’d been messaging back and forth with him.  He had some questions for me, and was dancing around.  The dancing around was a bit annoying. I could tell he was interested in hearing about my past, but wasn’t sure how to broach the subject.  Just ask the damn questions.  As far as I’m concerned, the past is in the past.  Based on the conversation we had, I discovered he is not a bonafide sex god.  The Tutor is less experienced than I am, which is a bummer when the other option is #4 who would choke me if I let him.  Whatever.  He asked when was the last time I had kissed someone else, and the hot make out sesh with #4 on Monday night (still swooning even though he’s a douche bag) immediately popped into my head.  “Within the last 2 weeks,” I responded.  Technically this is true.  He asked if I was still in touch with the guy, and I said yes. If you meet someone on the interwebs, more than likely they’re seeing other people – that’s the point.  Then The Tutor asked me to do him a favor, if I decided that I was going to go out with #4 again to let him know because he’d probably tap out. I promised I would.

Friday night I went out with The Tutor for a 3rd time.  He has a thing for airplanes so we decided it would be fun to meet at the airport for drinks.  Because, why not?  As I’ve previously mentioned, he’s a nice guy.  One that I wasn’t deeply attracted to.  He reminded me a bit of Disney who I used to work with at Investments r Us.  Disney was my work husband for a few years, and totally not someone I’d ever want to bang.  Like, ever.  So the fact that The Tutor reminded me of him should have probably served as a red flag, but obviously it didn’t.  The Tutor shows up in faded jeans that were too big for him and a leather jacket that could have fit the Incredible Hulk, I’ve never seen so much room in the arms of jacket before.  He kind of looked like he was a little kid who had borrowed his dad’s clothes to play dress up.  In the back of mind I said to myself, “I can work on the styling – don’t write him off for that.”

As we were having our drinks and dinner, he brought up how he was disappointed his life hadn’t turned out the way he thought it would.  He had wanted a marriage, family, and a job he loved, and he had none of those things.  He felt like somewhat of a failure and time was running out for him.  I told him that I too had had a different vision of what my life would be, and that though it hadn’t, I was still able to find the joy in what I did have.  He said he didn’t have any of that.  We then spent half an hour talking about how he hated his job, how little money he made, and how he didn’t think he’d be making a career change any time soon.

I felt so sorry for him.  Like so sad for him.  He was basically stuck, without seeing a way out.  Rather than thinking about the first steps he wanted to take to change his situation, he wallowed in it.  He said that it was too hard to change.  That’s a shitty place to be right there.  Open to therapy?  No, he’s not.  One of my annoying habits is finding a silver lining to everything.  Being with someone who spends most of their time being miserable is too draining, they suck the joy out of me.  That vortex of darkness, so to speak, is also not a place where you want to start a relationship.

AND THEN when the check came, we went dutch.  Date 3 was a 3 hour therapy session where I had to contribute to the payment to the therapist (me).  Are you feeling your ovaries and heart beating right now?  You thinking you might want to jump on him?  Because I sure wasn’t.  I would classify the evening as a relationship boner killer.

Kissing him at the end of the date was abysmal. Partly because of the technique, and partly because the whole night had been such of a downer.

My inner bitch thought about ghosting him, but I decided that was too cruel.  I was a mature human being about it – there’s a first time for everything.  Knowing suffers from Sensitive Guy Syndrome I thought long and hard of what to say, packed together a nice message, and off it went.  I told him I didn’t want to waste his time and that I didn’t think I wanted the same things he did, and he still had time to find them.  Go get ’em, Tiger.  I’m sure the right person is out there for him.  It’s just not going to be me.

The time has come to wish The Tutor fare thee well.  On to the next one…