Tag Archives: dating

Sweet Imaginary Office Romance

16 Jul

Ah, the secret boyfriend.  So secret he doesn’t even know about it.  Is it cheating if you have a real boyfriend and a secret boyfriend at the same time?  No lines crossed – except for when you stare into his dreamy green eyes a second too long.

The Cyclist joined our team about a month ago.  When I met him during the interview he reminded me so much of Monsieur le Baguette (MLB).  Two primary differences, The Cyclist looked smashing in a pin stripe suit with suspenders (swoon with me now) and I’ve never seen MLB in a suit; and MLB has dreamy blue green eyes where The Cyclist has dreamy green eyes.  They’re both divorced.  They both have kids the same age.  They seem to have a similar sense of humor, not 100% sure of The Cyclist’s since he and I haven’t gone out and gotten drunk – yet.

Every morning he has to walk by my office and he’ll pop in to chat for a few minutes.  We were the last 2 in the office on Friday afternoon, and talk turned to happy hour and where we like to go drinking.  I had mentioned I was heading out but wasn’t feeling it since MLB and I had gone out the night before and I had woken up still drunk.  “Morning sex is the best,” he said to me.  “Ugh.  I was too hungover to do anything this morning.” I replied.  “I don’t want to know,” he responded.

Yes he fucking does.

So whatever, we went off our separate ways after agreeing to go out and grab a drink sometime.

I went home to an empty house as MLB had gone off for a boys’ weekend which was basically a 2 day bender.  Yesterday morning when we were texting he told me he was planning on leaving early and wanted to come and stay with me.  Um, yes.  We had a nice night.  I rocked it as the little spoon, he hogged the bed, he was adorable.  Usually, when he sleeps over during the week he gets up when I do and feeds Mr. Bojangles then makes me coffee.  Think the bender got to him as he was dead to the world.  When I woke him up to tell him I was leaving he tried to pull me back into bed with him.  Tempting, but dating him is expensive and I gotta pay my bills.

Sitting at my desk this morning and the emails start popping through from The Cyclist.  Questions about how the weekend went, plans for the week, etc.  A secret romance is blossoming.

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Public Restrooms

6 Jul

I’ve never been one to submit to the odd grope in the toilet.  PDA?  Sure, who hasn’t done that.  And what person hasn’t found themselves HAMMERED outside a bar during her college years and ended up making out with someone then blacked out and not remembered it and then 8 people tell her the next day they saw her making out with the weird looking ginger right after midnight?  I mean, come on now, that’s a common occurrence, right??

Monsieur le Baguette has shared seedy stories from his past which include receiving oral pleasures in the middle of a packed bar and then banging the chick in a vestibule.  Romance.

Since we started dating a few months ago he’s tried, repeatedly, to romance me in public restrooms.  He’s been denied, repeatedly.  When I met his friends a few months ago he dragged me into 2 different bathrooms and suggested we do all sorts of naughty things.  I, being the absolute lady I am, politely declined and left him there on his own.

You can imagine his surprise when on Monday, while we were in a upscale establishment during our UK holiday together, I returned from the restroom and told him it was very private and we’d never get caught.  “Are you kidding me?” he asked.  “Nope, it’s very secluded, no one would even know we were in there,” I replied.  “Why are you telling me this?” he asked.  I smiled and replied, “just thought you should know, in case you wanted to go…”  He practically jumped out of his chair and dragged me back there.

Fast forward to 30 seconds later when we’re in the secluded bathroom.  A romantic setting for a rendezvous.

I’ll skip over some of the details.  Let’s just say there were pants around ankles when someone started pulling at the door handle.  “They’ll go away,” I whispered to him.  So we went back to what we were doing (or attempting to do).  A few minutes went by and we could suddenly hear a lot of people outside the bathroom.  “Shhh,” he said, “just keeping going.”  We did.  And then the rattling of the door knob started again.

Awesome.

“We’re going to have to leave,” he said.  At which point we had to come up with the plan of how we were going to exit.  We’d wait a few minutes until it quieted down a bit, then he’d walk out first, I’d skip a beat, and then follow.

Out he walked into the light of day.  “Excuse me,” I heard him say to someone as I closed the door behind him.  30 seconds later I pulled the door at the exact moment the cleaning lady was pushing the door.  She clearly didn’t realize there was anyone else in the single bathroom.  It was evident by the spectacular look of shock and horror on her face when I popped out and said, “hello,” as I brushed past her and kept walking.  Poor woman.

Absolute fucking disaster.

Go home, Sugar Bear

15 Jun

I love the experience of going to the movies to see an action flick.  Sitting in a dark theater, the sound of explosions all around me, a bucket of buttered popcorn in my lap, and a plastic cup full of cheap white wine in the cup holder next to me.  Have you gone to see Deadpool 2 yet?  You should.  It’s hilarious!  On the phone with my girlfriend the other night she mentioned it wasn’t as funny as the first.  Au contraire mon frère – it’s just as funny, maybe even funnier!  Burst out laughing a few times.  You should definitely go and see it in the theater.  Immediately if not sooner.  The only thing that would have made it better is Ryan Reynolds, sans Deadpool makeup, doing some full frontal.  Alas, was not to be.

#4 and I had a lovely time on our platonic date.  Or non-date as it were.  He’s shaved his beard, it suits him.  The last time I saw him he was leaving my house just before midnight about 2 months ago.  We’ve kept in touch since then, obviously, and there’s been zero discussion of what we’d done in the past.  Just the transition to friendship.

There was no full frontal last night.  There was no semi frontal last night either.  I paid for the tickets, he paid for the popcorn and drinks.  We caught up a bit – not that there was much to catch up on since we’ve been texting most days.  We sat in the dark together and laughed.  Our arms were touching at one point and it made me wonder whether it was deliberate or if it was more related to the way personal space changes after  you’ve been with someone.  Even after it’s transitioned to friendship there’s still something about the personal space which changes – there’s a bit less of a distance, I guess.  I drove him home.  And now what else? I had zero desire to dive into his lap, and I’m pretty sure he felt the same way.

So Tinder has given me several hookups, a few trips to Bone City, 1 boyfriend, and 1 friend.  That’s a pretty good outcome.

Asking for a friend

14 Jun

Let me throw a scenario out there and you tell me your thoughts.

So I have this friend who has a boyfriend she’s been seeing for a few months.  Let’s call him Mister the Bread.  Typically when she and Mister the Bread hang out, they have multi-day dates.  Every other weekend.  This weekend he’s supposed to visit her, however, as it turns out he has some chest infection.  He’s been sick for a few weeks.  The conversations the last week have basically been about how he’s sleepy and is going to go and take a nap or what he should watch on TV while he lays in bed.  She’s annoyed.  They decide to postpone the visit and see how he feels tomorrow.  He wakes up from his nap and calls her.  He happens to mention he now has his kids tomorrow night which means he’s not going to visit her at all.  He says his medicine has kicked in and he’s getting sleepy again.  Because he has taken medicine with codeine, which he doesn’t need, just before he called her.  She tells him to go and take a nap.

Her plans for the evening are now wide open.

And let’s say this friend has kept in touch with someone she boned.  We’ll call him #3.  Their “relationship” transitioned easily into friendship and all of the insanely spicy messages they used to send each other were immediately stopped when she started seeing Mister the Bread.  Anyway, he takes himself out to movie dates all the time.  Learning they’re both free this evening they decide they’re going to meet up at the movie theater to see an action film.  Platonic date – everyone pays for themselves, no touching.  There’s no romancing.  She’s not even going to wear mascara or dress like she’s on a date, she’ll frump it up a bit.  This seems like a totally awesome idea, right?

On a scale of 1 to bad idea, how do you rate this scenario?

Two months

1 May

Tomorrow marks 2 months since the Gods of online dating saw fit to match us and he sent the first message.  It seems like far longer than that already.  We have known each other for what feels like a lifetime, and yet we don’t know each other at all.

Falling into the rhythm of a new relationship has been easy.  We see each other every other weekend for a multi-night date.  Every night there’s a text message with a kissy winky face wishing me sweet dreams, and every morning there’s a bright cheery message waiting for me.  I’ve met some of his family, he’s met my sister, he’ll meet the rest of my family later this month.  This weekend I’m going to meet the rest of his friends.  We’ve booked a trip to Europe together.

We talk to each other on the phone everyday, usually more than once a day. During most of the phone calls there comes a time where he starts talking about how he can’t believe we’ve found each other, and how he’s never felt this way before.  One drunken night the other weekend he was getting ready to drop the L bomb.  I told him no, it was too soon.  He told me when we first started messaging he knew we were going to be together. He says beautiful things that fill my heart and set off sparks inside me.  All the things we chicks yearn to hear – he says I’m beautiful and smart and funny and he’s never laughed like he does when he’s with me and I make him feel special and he wants to spend time with me and he can’t wait for me to meet his kids (down the line) and time goes by so quickly when we’re together and time drags so slowly when we’re apart and he’s never been so excited to meet someone’s family.

My head is sometimes filled with “what if’s”.

  • What if he changes his mind about me?
  • What if he’s not smart enough?
  • What if he doesn’t challenge me?
  • What if he gets bored?
  • What if I get bored?
  • What if I’m just a rebound?
  • What if I only think I want to be with him?
  • What if what we feel isn’t real?
  • What if we don’t like each other once we really get to know one another?

I have doubts.  I don’t know if they’re real doubts or excuses I look for so it won’t work out and I can call things off before I get too involved.  If I get out now, then I won’t get hurt, right?  As often as he tells me how he feels about me, I am filled with insecurity.  If hours go by without me hearing from him I assume the worst and think he’s lost interest.  Which is ridiculous, and yet I can’t help it.  We’ve exchanged a few messages this morning, not as many as usual, and that makes me nervous.  Nervous EVEN THOUGH I know he’s out buying me shampoo and conditioner to keep at his house.  He went out and bought new sheets and bedding so I’d like his bed when I slept in it.  I’m being silly, I know it, and I can’t help it.

Being single, in many regards, is easy.  You have control over your life.  You decide who you let in and who you keep out.  You own your time and energy.  You do what you want, when you want, with whomever you want.  You don’t have to open yourself up to someone if you don’t want to.  I have been single for so long I’ve forgotten how to be in a relationship.  I am afraid to take the chance, of opening myself up to him and potentially getting hurt, of losing control over the life I have built for myself.

The honeymoon part of a relationship has always been my favorite part.  Effortless.  Amazing.  It’s like looking through life through a fresh set of eyes.  For whatever reason, this honeymoon phase makes me scared – I feel this time around I have so much more to lose and I’m afraid to give into it.  I’m looking for this to unravel and leave me wrecked.  Maybe I should stop doing that.  Maybe I should fall without knowing if there’s a safety net to catch me.  Maybe I should close my eyes and step off the ledge.

But I’m scared to do that.

Check mate

17 Apr

I am a horrible person.

A horrible person who took the easy way out and ended up crushing a soul and stealing a spine.

A horrible person because it was easier for me to avoid the conversation than to have it and instead I ended up being more hurtful to the other person. Which of course makes me feel shitty and makes me think I should have been more forthcoming about where I was and where we were never going to go.  Oh, Chess Player.  I’m an asshole.  A hurtful dick hole.

He knew I was dating other people, but I think he thought we were further along than we actually were. He knew I was going away last weekend, but I didn’t tell him it was with Monsieur le Baguette.  Maybe if it was a different time, if there was no MlB, I don’t know.

Last week after I’d gotten home and MlB and I had “the talk” the Chess Player texted me to see how my weekend had been.  I didn’t respond.  I told myself I’d get to it at some point, and instead I let it go.  A week went by and last night – after a week of silence from me – he sent another message, “Hey, hope you’re well.  It seems like I completely misread the situation between the 2 of us.” I could have chosen to ignore it, to let it go, and leave him wondering.  Then I thought I’d hate if someone did that to me.  I’d swallow the discomfort and tell him what was up.

So I messaged him.  I told him I’d met someone the week before I’d met him, and he was who I had been with last weekend, and we’d decided to give things a go as boyfriend and girlfriend.

And he was blindsided.

And I am an asshole.

He feels confused and led on, and I did that to him.  It is hurtful when someone does it to you and here I’ve done it to someone else.  I should have told him sooner.  I should have just not texted him or gone out with him again.  But I didn’t do those things.  Instead we texted frequently, I said yes to a date with him, I ended up naked in his bed again, and I made him think we had some kind of future together when that wasn’t the case.

I am a horrible person.

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11 Apr

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