Tag Archives: dating

Two months

1 May

Tomorrow marks 2 months since the Gods of online dating saw fit to match us and he sent the first message.  It seems like far longer than that already.  We have known each other for what feels like a lifetime, and yet we don’t know each other at all.

Falling into the rhythm of a new relationship has been easy.  We see each other every other weekend for a multi-night date.  Every night there’s a text message with a kissy winky face wishing me sweet dreams, and every morning there’s a bright cheery message waiting for me.  I’ve met some of his family, he’s met my sister, he’ll meet the rest of my family later this month.  This weekend I’m going to meet the rest of his friends.  We’ve booked a trip to Europe together.

We talk to each other on the phone everyday, usually more than once a day. During most of the phone calls there comes a time where he starts talking about how he can’t believe we’ve found each other, and how he’s never felt this way before.  One drunken night the other weekend he was getting ready to drop the L bomb.  I told him no, it was too soon.  He told me when we first started messaging he knew we were going to be together. He says beautiful things that fill my heart and set off sparks inside me.  All the things we chicks yearn to hear – he says I’m beautiful and smart and funny and he’s never laughed like he does when he’s with me and I make him feel special and he wants to spend time with me and he can’t wait for me to meet his kids (down the line) and time goes by so quickly when we’re together and time drags so slowly when we’re apart and he’s never been so excited to meet someone’s family.

My head is sometimes filled with “what if’s”.

  • What if he changes his mind about me?
  • What if he’s not smart enough?
  • What if he doesn’t challenge me?
  • What if he gets bored?
  • What if I get bored?
  • What if I’m just a rebound?
  • What if I only think I want to be with him?
  • What if what we feel isn’t real?
  • What if we don’t like each other once we really get to know one another?

I have doubts.  I don’t know if they’re real doubts or excuses I look for so it won’t work out and I can call things off before I get too involved.  If I get out now, then I won’t get hurt, right?  As often as he tells me how he feels about me, I am filled with insecurity.  If hours go by without me hearing from him I assume the worst and think he’s lost interest.  Which is ridiculous, and yet I can’t help it.  We’ve exchanged a few messages this morning, not as many as usual, and that makes me nervous.  Nervous EVEN THOUGH I know he’s out buying me shampoo and conditioner to keep at his house.  He went out and bought new sheets and bedding so I’d like his bed when I slept in it.  I’m being silly, I know it, and I can’t help it.

Being single, in many regards, is easy.  You have control over your life.  You decide who you let in and who you keep out.  You own your time and energy.  You do what you want, when you want, with whomever you want.  You don’t have to open yourself up to someone if you don’t want to.  I have been single for so long I’ve forgotten how to be in a relationship.  I am afraid to take the chance, of opening myself up to him and potentially getting hurt, of losing control over the life I have built for myself.

The honeymoon part of a relationship has always been my favorite part.  Effortless.  Amazing.  It’s like looking through life through a fresh set of eyes.  For whatever reason, this honeymoon phase makes me scared – I feel this time around I have so much more to lose and I’m afraid to give into it.  I’m looking for this to unravel and leave me wrecked.  Maybe I should stop doing that.  Maybe I should fall without knowing if there’s a safety net to catch me.  Maybe I should close my eyes and step off the ledge.

But I’m scared to do that.

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Check mate

17 Apr

I am a horrible person.

A horrible person who took the easy way out and ended up crushing a soul and stealing a spine.

A horrible person because it was easier for me to avoid the conversation than to have it and instead I ended up being more hurtful to the other person. Which of course makes me feel shitty and makes me think I should have been more forthcoming about where I was and where we were never going to go.  Oh, Chess Player.  I’m an asshole.  A hurtful dick hole.

He knew I was dating other people, but I think he thought we were further along than we actually were. He knew I was going away last weekend, but I didn’t tell him it was with Monsieur le Baguette.  Maybe if it was a different time, if there was no MlB, I don’t know.

Last week after I’d gotten home and MlB and I had “the talk” the Chess Player texted me to see how my weekend had been.  I didn’t respond.  I told myself I’d get to it at some point, and instead I let it go.  A week went by and last night – after a week of silence from me – he sent another message, “Hey, hope you’re well.  It seems like I completely misread the situation between the 2 of us.” I could have chosen to ignore it, to let it go, and leave him wondering.  Then I thought I’d hate if someone did that to me.  I’d swallow the discomfort and tell him what was up.

So I messaged him.  I told him I’d met someone the week before I’d met him, and he was who I had been with last weekend, and we’d decided to give things a go as boyfriend and girlfriend.

And he was blindsided.

And I am an asshole.

He feels confused and led on, and I did that to him.  It is hurtful when someone does it to you and here I’ve done it to someone else.  I should have told him sooner.  I should have just not texted him or gone out with him again.  But I didn’t do those things.  Instead we texted frequently, I said yes to a date with him, I ended up naked in his bed again, and I made him think we had some kind of future together when that wasn’t the case.

I am a horrible person.

Protected: Officially official

11 Apr

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Lucky number 3

5 Apr

Ladies and germs, I’m pleased to share with you that today Monsieur le Baguette and I are heading out for a 3rd date.  This time we’re spending the entire weekend together.  Three whole nights!!  We’re off for a fun filled weekend in Washington, DC where we’ll wander the city, make out at various monuments celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary (again), order room service, drink champagne, wreck the bed in the hotel, and not sleep.  #romance

It’s been 2 weeks since we last saw each other and we’ve spent countless hours on the phone.  Marathon phone calls lasting up to 6.5 hours (no joke).  What do we talk about?  Everything.  Nothing.  If we’re crazy because of this spark.  If the spark is real.  How will we know?  Should we slow things down?  How would we?  Should we just lean in and go for it?  When will I meet his kids?  When will he meet my family?  A few nights we haven’t said goodnight until after 4:00 am.  If the late nights are any indication of how the weekend will go, pretty sure that we’re not going to be getting much sleep.

Seems to me like things are going pretty well so far.  We’ve started referring to each other as “future” boyfriend/girlfriend.  Why future?  Because he hasn’t finished up with his rebounds.  And because I’ve got at least 1 more romp with #4 planned – next week.  The other night when we were on the phone I said something about how he needs to finish them and he said, “I’m not going to.”He went into it thinking, “maybe there’s someone better out there.”  Instead he’s going out and thinking to himself, “I’d rather be with Catherinette.”  I’m a rare gemstone!!

We’ve already started talking about our next date which will likely be in May.  That time we’ll be hopping on a plane and jetting off for a romantic weekend in wine country.

I’ll keep you posted along the way.  Wish me luck!

Ring ring

28 Mar

He called me this afternoon. Crisis averted. He told me he missed me and asked if it was time for our date yet. He said it seemed so far away.

Let’s all swoon together now…

Are you swooning? I am.

Meanwhile, my excellent texting skills worked up #4 so much he’s said he’s going to show up at my house tonight. Sorry, Charlie. I’ll be out. Knock all you want, you can’t come in. At least not tonight.

Reading the subTEXT

28 Mar

I will not text Monsieur le Baguette until he texts me.

I will not text Monsieur le Baguette until he texts me.

Say it with me: no texting Monsieur le Baguette until he texts first.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last twoish months since I started dating again it’s that I need to slow my roll with my text messages. Where initially I was happy to fire off the first text, I’ve stopped doing that.  Thank you, Matt Hussey, for teaching me men like to chase.  Chase away.  A month ago I was freaking out because #4 hadn’t texted me in 2 days.  Recently, I outlasted him for 5 days – I knew he’d eventually pop up again.  I can fucking wait the dude out.  I don’t have to be the first one to send the text message – they are more than able to send a text, and if I don’t it sends the message that they are not the only thing going on in my life.  I am interesting and complex and smart and worth chasing.  Chase me!!

It’s been about 12 hours since MlB sent me a text.  He was “out of town visiting a friend” (code for working on his rebounds) yesterday.  He had mentioned it on Monday night, texted me yesterday morning, and called me around lunch time to chat for a little while.  Last night I sent him a good night text, when he got home (or at least I assume he was home by then) he wrote, “I missed you.  Sweet dreams. :)”  That was just before 1:00 AM.  Haven’t heard from him yet today.  YET is the operative word here.  He is going to text/call me.  I’m 100% positive.  He likes me.  He told me.

How to fill the space while I wait? I’m going to sit here and check my phone every 5 minutes to make sure I haven’t missed his message.  I can wait for him, it’s just not going to be patiently. I’m going to pretend to work.  I’m going to respond to emails.  Then I’m going to check my phone again.

What’s somewhat annoying is that I am getting messages.  They just happen to be from the Chess Player and #4 instead.

Chess Player and I spent most of yesterday and last night text messaging, though I’m trying to slow that one down. We’re going to have to work on some boundary setting.  Am afraid he’s jumping in too fast and thinks we’ll end up somewhere that we will likely not end up. We’re still on for tomorrow, though now I’m thinking I should probably not end up in his bedroom with him.  Partly because I’m not sure I can go through with it, and partly because I think he’ll look for more meaning in what we’re doing than what is actually there.

After 5 days of no messages, #4 sent me a message letting me know he was doing Spring Break with his kids.  Serious adult conversation ensued.  Or at least it did until we turned a corner and it turned to sexting.  That’s been going on since yesterday, and it’s been fun.  He’s on a new workout kick – will write about that later – and I’m now guaranteed to get updates every Wednesday morning.  He likes to hear about my “dates” with all of the details.  ALL of the details.  #4 thinks I shouldn’t bother with the Chess Player.  “Don’t waste time with the [Chess Player]. Your skills are wasted on him.”  Yeah, he’s probably right about the skill match.  Guy is probably ruined for bjs after me.  Sorry, not sorry.  Then #4 changes the subject and texts me all the dirty things he wants to do.  I’m guessing I’ll be seeing him in the next few weeks – now that skill match works just fine.

Kind of funny how a few weeks ago it was #4 who I needed the distraction from, and now he’s the distraction from someone else.  C’est la vie.

MlB, where’s my text message??

I’m just going to check my phone real quick…

Game day

27 Mar

Well, well, well, guess who upped his game a bit today?  None other than the Chess Player.  Guess who happened to have an extra ticket to Opening Day on Thursday?  Also, none other than the Chess Player.  AND, guess who will be escorting yours truly to said Opening Day?  You guessed it!  The Chess Player.

Earlier this week we had made plans to go out for drinks on Thursday.  Figured we’d go out for a few drinks and then he’d show me around his fancy apartment building before our clothing ended up discarded on his bedroom floor.  Again.  When he landed the tickets he figured the game would make a suitable alternative.  Um, yes.  Yes, I agree.  Looks like we have ourselves an actual date on Thursday.  And you know how much I love going out on a Thursday.  Considering Thursday nights seem to be the ones where I entertain my gentlemen callers.

It’s looking like the Chess Player might hit a home run after all.