Tag Archives: booty call

The College Years

20 May

Had I known in college what I know now, I would have whored it up way more back then.  Good god it was easy to hook up back then.  All it took was 3 Miller Lites, an invitation to listen to a new CD, and my pants would be down around my ankles.  Hooking up wasn’t the only thing I did during college, I’ll have you know that I also enjoyed my booze, and sleeping in.  My Senior year in college I spent most of my time doing two things: drinking and lusting after several fellow classmates.  One of those was Lawman.

Lawman was 6’4″, had one blue and one green eye, and was hot as sin.  Dirty, dirty sin.  Christ was he hot.  And dirty.  We had known each other since Sophomore year and were close friends-though not quite close enough for my taste.  For most of the time that we knew each other he dated Psycho.  Holy crap was she insane.  They would break up, she’s have a psycho episode in the student union and yell at him in front of everyone, he’d sleep with someone else, and then they’d get back together.  She was crazy.  Unbalanced.  Not sane.  One night, I even thought she was going to take a swing at me in one of the local bars.  This was about 20 minutes after she had thrown herself on the sidewalk and beat her fists on the ground.  Crazy.

There are certain nights that are still clear as a bell, and others that are just as hazy now as they have always been.  I clearly remember several occasions at the end of the night when I was saying goodbye to Lawman and his 2 hot friends.  At some point in the night he had touched the nape of my neck and I had pushed him off of me.  He was stunned by my reaction and demanded an explanation.  Fact is that it drove me absolutely insane (still does to this very day).  He laughed and left me alone-until the end of the night.  They all thought it was extremely amusing to each kiss me directly under my right ear.  I just about died right there.

The place to go back then was a bar in the Commons called Plums.  The smart thing to do was go relatively early and get a table.  You’d have the perfect spot as the entire college seemed to walk by your table.  Being in my early 20’s, I thought it an extremely smart thing to do to begin my evening with either a shot of Gold Schlager, or a Mind Eraser.  It’s no wonder that 1/2 of my Senior year is a complete freaking blur.  The environment was ripe for making bad decisions, it’s a wonder I didn’t end up pregnant or with a case of the clap.

We did, eventually, end up having a very “romantic” romp on a night that I was bombed out of my mind.  Oh those were good times, times.  But that’s a story for a rainy day…

The Science of Hooking Up

29 Feb

Let’s talk about probabilities.  Some of us have alluded to the factors that come into play when determining your chances of having a hook up.  For those of you that don’t think that there are other factors that impact your chances, wake up and smell the Starbucks peppermint mocha.  What rock have you been living under?  Come on now!!

It’s time to get edu-macated, bitches.  Here we go. . .

Continue reading

Hot and Spicy

22 Mar

On Tuesday I wrote about my new crush, Shorty, that started in my department. In the last three days, it’s come to my attention that he totally wants me. Take the following as evidence of his desire to get with me:

  1. He didn’t stare down my shirt. This is a major accomplishment as I wore an EXTREMELY low cut blouse yesterday and made sure to wear a red push up bra underneath. He didn’t look, not once. Now, I know that some of you are probably thinking that he’s gay or just not interested, but you’re wrong. His not looking at my smoking rack clearly indicates that he was exercising extreme control and that he had to talk himself out of looking.
  2. He left his computer unlocked every single time he walked away from his desk. I have this nasty little habit of messing with peoples’ computers if they don’t lock them when they walk them away. This could include flipping the screen upside down (ctrl, alt, and down arrow at the same time), changing the background, adding a brand new screen saver, or sending phony appointments. He’s well aware of this as I flipped his screen at least 10 times on Monday, and yet, he still “forgets” to lock it. This is an indicator that he likes that he’ll have to come back and “scold” me when he returns to his desk. As a matter of fact, yesterday when he wandered away from his desk, he told me all about how he’d been thinking about me (or really what I would have done to his computer) while he was in his meeting. He totally wants me.
  3. Shorty is very much into music. He studied music in college, plays all sorts of instruments, mixes his own music and blah, blah, blah. I had been bombarding him with questions on Tuesday, so Wednesday he brought in a CD with some samples of his music. He wrote the lyrics to all the songs and sings 2 of them. Track 2 is dirty-to say the list. Let’s take a looky loo at some of the lyrics: I never met her/she’s the girl of my dreams/when she looked at me yeah/I wanted to cream/I want to touch you/just want to feel you/from the inside out/don’t want to hurt you baby/but I will if you want me to/I’ll do what you want me to do. I blushed when I heard the lyrics. Up to that point, I just thought that he was a nice young man. He seriously looks like someone who could just up and join the priesthood (and I don’t mean that he looks like a child molester). Shorty just seems to have an innocence about him. In the midst of listening to the song, he mentioned how it was more risqué than the other ones. I asked him who the inspiration for the song was, and he said lots of women. Clearly, he didn’t want me to feel uncomfortable by revealing that I was the inspiration.

Conclusion: He totally wants me. Furthermore, Shorty will now be known as Lit’l Smokey because he’s tiny and hot.