Tag Archives: booty call

Asking for a friend

19 Feb

Is it possible to get pregnant over text message?

Protected: The Same Old Story

11 Feb

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Hump Day

6 Apr

Know what I love?  Putting the hump in Hump day.

I know you.  You’re totally going to wander off to click on the peen counter to see if it’s changed.  How dare you?

The Guys We Dream of Doing

9 Apr

There was a giant firetruck parked outside of Dr. Giggles’ office this morning.  There, standing in front of the doors was a very fit and gorgeous looking fire fighter.  There’s something about that uniform that makes my heart skip a beat (and by that I mean it makes my lady bits tingle).

It reminded me of a conversation I had with Disney the other day at lunch.  I mentioned to him that there were still some men that I had to knock off my “to do list”.  I have a good size list, I’ve been with more than 10 and less than 20.  Yet I’ve never managed to get it on with a doctor or a lawyer, and I want to.

I’ve had a fire fighter.

I’ve had a police officer.

I’ve had a college professor.

I’ve had a musician.

I’ve had a construction worker.

Okay, technically the cop and the professor may not actually count as we were still in college.  But they did go on to become those things.

Fast forward to this morning when I started thinking about guys that I’d actually done, customer service reps, accountants, a branch employee, a nurse, a structural engineer.   That’s when it occurred to me that my list was boring.  Who in their right mind sits at home dreaming about doing it with an accountant or a structural engineer??  You don’t ever hear girls getting together saying, “it’s my dream to have hot passionate sex with an IT consultant!”

Man, I need to work on my stinking “to do list”

You Make Me Want to Be A Bigger Bitch

17 Sep

Ah, the sweet sweet joys of womanhood.  There are far too many to count: we have jubblies, we can grow other human beings inside our own bodies, we can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan, we can even be nominees for the Vice President of the United States.  Then there’s the shitty shit part: the monthly cycle.  I’ve written in the past about the horrors of PMS, and last monthI mentioned that I was going to try something new to curb the horrocious (that would be horrible and atrocious) symptoms of PMS: Premcal.

I’m happy to report that I managed to make it through the past few days without eating the world, suffering from exhausting, or being too bloated to fit into my own clothes.  Now, if only we could take care of the whole “being a huge bitch thing.”  So far, Premcal has done squat to fix that.

Kids, refill your drinks before you keep going.  This is a long, juicy story.  One that will explain all about the truth behind the Peen Counter on the top right hand corner of this blog AND includes previously untold stories of 3D.

Ready?  Here we go…

Continue reading

College Democrat

3 Sep

The first time the College Democrat and I hooked up was Sophomore year.  Somehow, he managed to lure me into his dorm room.  He must have tricked me by saying something clever like, “Why don’t you come over?”  God, I used to fall for that all the time!!  I know better now…well, at least I pretend to know better now.  I’d had a crush on College Dem for ages-or at least 6 weeks, so there was no way I was turning down the invite.

I walked across the quad to his room, and we proceeded to lay in his bed and listen to music.  He was hammered, I was sober, his roommate was passed out in his bed.  He was quietly singing next to me when he reached over and grabbed my knocker with his hand.  That’s how it all started.  So romantic.  So magical.  This was his clever way of seducing me, and I fell for it: hook, line, and sinker.

Afterwards, I did what any self respecting college girl would do: I got dressed, went back to my room, told my roommate every single detail, and then waited by the phone for him to call me.

College Dem didn’t call.  But that’s just fine because I started dating someone else.  We remained friends and never spoke of the incident again…

Until Junior year when I wound up at his party, drunk off my ass.  You’ll be surprised to hear that I ended up in his bedroom during the party.  There we were, College Dem was naked, I was wearing cowboy boots-which he seemed to like, even though they left mud all over his sheets.  After we were done, I got dressed, walked back to my apartment, told my roommate every dirty detail (that I could remember since I was so hammered that I kind of blacked out), and then waited for him to call me.

He didn’t call, but that’s okay because I started dating someone else.  We remained friends and never spoke of the incident again…In fact, we even went on a trip with the College Democrats together.  My boyfriend at the time came with us.  We had adjoining rooms.  The door was open the night that my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time.  College Dem was in the next room sleeping, I could tell because he snored so loudly it made the bed shake…or maybe that was because I was hitting it with my boyfriend.  Who knows.

We graduated.  We went our separate ways.  I heard he married the stupid bitch whore girl that he started dating our Senior year.

Well, guess who just friend requested me on facebook and wants to get together?

This Just In…

8 Aug

There’s a very high probability that I will be knocking boots with 3D tonight.  Vangelina Jolie has been so lonely.  So very sad and lonely.