Tag Archives: boo

Mustn’t read too much into it

2 Feb

Tinder date number 3, The Tutor, was kind of a bust. He was nice. Nothing wrong with him. He’s funny, gainfully employed, seems to have a nice relationship with his family, open about what he’s looking for and his faults, held the doors open, and walked me to my car. Needs a little work on the dress, but that’s all fixable. Not sure he’d be able to keep up with me in terms of banter, and I think he was a little intimidated by me. Just not what I wanted, not quite the right fit. It’s kinda like when you find a really great dress on the interwebs and you can’t wait to get it because you’re going to wear it to a big event, but once it arrives it doesn’t fit right across your chest and it’s too tight in the hips and then you’re stuck without the right outfit and you feel fat at the party. Exactly like that.

The worst part was that I had created this whole entire fantasy in my mind about how this would be the start of something special and it’s so disappointing when it doesn’t turn out that way. As much as I tell myself, “do not get ahead of yourself,” it’s hard to reign in the thoughts of how he’ll get along with my friends, whose house we’ll live in, how to break it to him that he’ll have to spend Christmas with my family, and where we’ll go for Valentine’s day. Now I have to get busy mourning this little fantasy relationship that I created for myself. Ugh, the worst.

It’s so discouraging and I barely just started. Then when I get back on stupid Tinder I run out of people to swipe on. I mean, OUCH! Like there’s literally no one around me anymore. And also, it sucks when you match with someone and you get crickets from them. A whole lot of nothing. Or else you get some random douche bag who just wants to touch you with the tip of his penis. Um, no. We’re not there yet. You need to calm down. Such a punch to the ego, you know?

I want to give up. I want to delete the apps and prepare myself to adopt some more cats. It’s easier. It’s less confronting. Would make me feel better about myself because I’d be the one making the choice to take myself off the market vs. contending with the fact that there’s no one out there for me.

The dating pool is like an above ground pool that has algae growing on the sides, leaves floating on the top, and too many dead bugs. In other words, not suitable for most humans. It’s making it really hard for me to jump in.

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Justin Timberlake isn’t the only one bringing sexy back

2 May

That’s right, fans.  I’m taking matters into my hands and doing what it takes.

And by “matters” I mean “every snack food I can find” and “doing what it takes” I mean “shoving them down my throat”.

Stupid PMS.  How is it possible to have so many cravings that can never be satisfied? It’s a miracle I haven’t eaten the island in the middle of my kitchen.  The only reason I haven’t tried it is because it’s black and gray and I can’t think of any appetizing foods that are black and gray.

In the last 45 minutes I hoovered:

  • An entire bag of chips
  • 3 candy bars (the mini ones)
  • A bowl of ice cream
  • 2 pieces of cheese
  • 1/4 herb turkey
  • 1 mango

I also managed to break out with 2 brand new pimples.  Welcome Simone and Simone 2!

Next up I’m going to sit on the couch and sob my way through the latest episode of Game of Thrones.  First I need a big glass of wine so I can rehydrate myself from all the tears I’m going to shed.

How much longer until menopause and hot flashes?