Tag Archives: awesome

Protected: My favorite city

16 Mar

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It’s raining men

15 Mar

Dear sister, go away now.  Don’t read this post.  You should probably be doing something with Damien since he’s on spring break.  Bet he’d love to go see Black Panter again.  Oh, or I know!  Maybe you can plan a nice date night for when my bro-in-law gets back in town.  Mom and I can watch the kids on Saturday night.  You should work that shit out.  Also, go away.

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So

11 Mar

I’m in love and we’re going to get married*. Greatest first date ever.

Maybe it’s the booze, maybe it’s that he’s awesome. This is going to go somewhere. I can feel it.

*bone

Age is just a number

27 Feb

I am 44.  #4 is 38.  That’s a 6 year age difference.  Really, he’s probably too old for me anyway.  I’ve always had a preference for younger men.  At my age thinking about dating someone who is in his 50’s makes me feel yucky.  Feels too old for me.

Over the weekend a friend of mine told me I should date much younger because I had a young spirit, and so I had to find a man who had one too.  He thought that 27 would be good for me.  First of all, I love him.  He’s great.  High five.  He’s like a great older brother who I never had.  Second, if the dude is 27 I’m technically old enough to be his mom, that feels a little yucky.

I have not embraced my inner Cougar.  I should.  Thanks to my friend who reminded me that the Cougar rule is 1/2 your age + 7.  That means my limit is 29.

Date #7 (Civil Servant) is lined up for Saturday.  He’s 32.  #4 is a fling.  Casual.  We are free to see whomever we want.  If a 32 year old has a hot body and wants to mess around, who am I to say no?

Online dating is fun.  You should do it.

Wednesday night

21 Feb

It’s 78 degrees on a hump day. Home from the gym and sitting on the porch. When I’m not taking a sip from my massive glass of wine (defeating the whole purpose of going to the gym), I’m busy swiping – typically left – on Tinder and responding to me text messages.

Must restrict my wine intake or may end up sending the right text message to the wrong guy.

I like to call this screenshot “Wednesday in February”. This has been going on since this morning. It’s been a rad fucking day.

Inspiring others through leadership

22 Aug

At Widgets and Co. we spend a whole lot of time talking about the role of a supervisor and how micro managing is bad.  The worst thing a boss can do is look over someone’s shoulder while telling them how to do their job.  Scratch that, maybe it’s not the worst thing to do.  Touching your people inappropriately, and threatening not to promote them unless they touch your wiener (with the back of their throat), are way worse.  Still, micro managing is pretty bad.

Part of what I do in my job is try to figure out how help people be stronger managers.  Which is somewhat ironic since I myself have never been one, but whatevs.  There’s  a lot of blah blah blah on how to inspire others, and that by inspiring other people they’ll want to follow you (thereby maybe wanting your wiener to touch the back of their throat).

Recently, my ex-boss (the hot one) turned 38.  I sent hi a text message telling him he was still doable (or at least wishing him a happy birthday).  His response was nothing but pure inspiration.  Take a look…

Yes!  You are the first to wish me a happy b-day. Even though it’s at an ungodly early time, I am up and ready to party. As an older man, please allow me to share some wisdom:  if it’s yellow let it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down.

His wisdom has touched me in so many ways…but not in the back of my throat.

Yet.

Protected: Kangaroo Steaks and Panda Bites

25 Aug

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It runs in the family

11 Nov

There are certain things that are genetic.  In my family, we’re part idiot on my dad’s side of the family.  Somewhere in our genes there is also amazing coolness and badassness (I made that word up.  You’re welcome).

My cousin, Suzy Cream Cheese, is one of the coolest badasses I have ever met. Our dads are brothers, and they are both idiots.  My mom and dad divorced when we were pretty young.  For some reason, when that happened, the family just kind of lost touch.  I have vague memories of my cousins from when I was little.  Fast forward 20+ years and two of my three cousins find me on Facebook.  They are awesome.  I feel robbed by our dads that they didn’t try harder to keep us all together.  Why?  Because they were idiots.  It would have been so incredibly AWESOME to grow up together.  Can only imagine the kind of trouble we would have gotten into.

Now when we hang out it’s kind of funny when we tell people we’re cousins.  Why?  Because I’m half Mexican and she’s half Chinese.  A taco and and an eggroll.  People seem so confused when we tell them we’re related.  They kind of stare for a minute and then announce, “Oh yes!  I see the resemblance!”  I believe they see our combined awesomeness.

As shitty as our dads are, she has turned into such an great mom.  She’s got a super cool husband, and three great kids.  And I’m not just saying that because we’re family.  You’ve heard me talk plenty of shit about my own niece and nephew.  You know I tell it like it is.

There’s no one who can parent teenagers like she can.  When I grow up and have a family – assuming my eggs don’t die before that happens – I want to be just like her.  One time, when her daughter wrote with permanent marker on an antique desk they inherited, Suzy Cream Cheese wrote “hi” on her daughter’s forehead with the same pen and posted it on Facebook.

But she really topped herself with this post in which she tagged her daughter:

Moms: don’t like your teen girl traipsing around in subzero weather wearing teeny summer tanks? Box up those summer clothes! Don’t like your teen girl sassing you when you’re asking her reasonable questions? Confiscate the phone and schedule her to miss after-school activities in order to do chores. Don’t like nagging and nagging teen girls to clear out rotting food, dirty laundry, etc from their bedrooms? Visit bedrooms with large trash bags and clear it all out. All.

Teen girls: don’t like listening to moms? All of the above happens. Try to untag this or unfriend mom? Halloween dance at school will take place without you.

Love,
Mama

This makes me want to run out and get pregnant just so I can do the same thing to my own kids.