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A Strange Coincidence?

30 Sep

You all know that I have a special place in my heart (and pants) for douche bags.  And you all know that deep down inside you freaking LOVE it when I make some stupid ass decision and then write all about it so you can judge away and hear all about my “interesting” encounter.  Let’s just be clear that by “interesting” I mean “sexual”.

It occurred to me this afternoon that aside from Notebook and 3D having hot bodies AND being douche bags, that they had something else in common.  Both of them have birthdays on Friday.  This leads me to believe that I need to start asking dudes for their birthdays before I ask them to see their peens.  As far as I’m concerned, all men born on October 2nd are officially off limits.

On a side note, I’m going to totally go ahead and assume that Mr. Yellow(ish) Mustang also had a birthday on October 2nd.  It’s just the right thing to do.

Making Bad Decisions for a Good Cause

25 Oct

You remember that time last year when I happened to find myself making out with a giant tool (Mr. Yellow Mustang) in his Tang colored Mustang?  Yeah, that was so “magical”. 

It just so happens that today Lola, Muffy, and I are volunteering at the same event where we met last year.   My guess is that he will be there as he’s best friends with the event planner.  Lola has met him before, but Muffy has not.  For reasons unknown to me (thanks 3D for giving us some new phrases that we’ll all start using), I believe that Muffy and Lola will take any chance they get to mock me.  No, really, I can’t wait…

Oh!  And it’s kind of rainy here which will mean that my freshly cut hair will turn into a rat’s nest.  So sweet.  My hair has this way of looking like I’ve recently put my finger in an electrical socket-it’s a gift, really.  If I’m lucky, maybe there will be tons of drunk sailors there who have no interest in me what so ever.  That would be the best in the world.  No, really.

My Big News

1 Apr

I’ve done something that I hadn’t written about.  Mainly because of the mocking that would ensure if I had written it down.  The time has come.  Remember back at the beginning of the month when I saw Mr. Yellow Mustang?  What I declined to mention was that we ended up back at his house, naked, sweaty and out of breath.  I promptly got dressed, got out of there, and didn’t pick up the phone when he called me a few days later to see if I wanted to “get together”.

It’s been almost a month, and for the last 2 weeks there’s been a. . .um. . .let’s just say that it burns when I pee and it itches.  This morning when I launched my work email from him, there was a message: 

Hey, Catherinette.  How r u? i tried to call u a fewe times.  i was realy hoping to talk with you about this over the phone butt you haven’t returned my calls.  i went to the the dr and he says i have gonorrea.  u should probably get tested.

He went on to talk about stupid crap like whether I was going to be at the next volunteer event on Sunday (uh, no), and if I had made any summer vacation plans yet.  Yeah, great.  Listen, thanks for letting me know that I chose to hit it with someone with the clap.  No, really.  Happy New Year to you and thanks for all the chit chat.  Seriously, I hate you.

I picked the wrong f’ing week to stop f*ing swearing. 

Just freaking kidding!  Come on now, don’t you think I’d totally tell you if I had gotten some?? Happy first of April.  I know there are probably 4 of you that fell for this and the rest of you were on to me.  Know what? I don’t care.  As long as someone fell for it I’m happy.

The Tang ‘Stang

3 Mar

Guess what I held in my hot little hands on Saturday?

I’ll give you a hint: it’s related to Mr. Yellow Mustang and really puts the “Mustang” into Mustang Sally.

Continue reading

:)

20 Feb

Foxy thinks she’s funny.  She really does.  She just called me “Mustang Sally.”  Oh, and then Lit’l Smokey called me a “busted up jezebel.”

I feel the love, I really do.  Thankfully, this time it doesn’t come with that burning and itching like the last time.

It’s Worse Than I Thought

18 Feb

Oh the shame!  The humiliation!  I can hardly stand it.  I might die from shame, I really might.  The right thing to do is to tell you all about it so you can all take pity on me and so that I can get rid of this shame.  I feel so dirty.  I just feel so very, very dirty (and not in a good way).

As you all know, I had to volunteer on Saturday and there was a possibility that Mr. Yellow Mustang was going to be there.  I was feeling all great and was ready to tell him about how awesome my life was, and how I’m one of Baltimore’s most eligible and so on and so forth.  I buckled the second I saw his car turn into the parking lot directly in front of mine.  Then the nausea hit in when I realized (here’s where the shame set in) his car is actually more orange than it is yellow. 

OH THE HUMANITY!! I made out in an ORANGE(ish) Mustang with the tool that owns it!  NO!  Someone please take these horrid memories away from me!  They just keep swimming in my head and the bile keeps rising in my throat.  Ugh, and orange(ish) Mustang.  What the fuck? 

Volunteer/Voluntear

14 Feb

I give to the people.  Really, I do.  From time to time I volunteer at various events just to show how giving and caring I am.  Volunteering is a great way to meet new people (like people you might hook up with in a parked car outside of a bar), go to great events (where there’s an open bar and you might make out with a gay boy), and give back to the people (in the form of making out with them). 

This Saturday I’m going to be volunteering in the afternoon.  So, I just found out that someone I “know” is going to be there too.  Now, I can’t quite tell you who it is since I’m not blogging about boys because of Lent, but I’ll give you a hint:

In case the hint doesn’t help you out, you may want to read this for the full scoop.  It’ll spell it all out for you.  I love my life.