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Another One Bites the Dust

27 Sep

Let us all hang our heads and give a moment of silence.

It’s a loss for woman kind – Office Adonis is getting married this weekend.  To that girlfriend he cheated on.  Poor girl.  Wonder if she knows her soon to be husband is a philanderer and a jerk.  A man who has never stepped foot out of this country, and feels it’s perfectly reasonable to eat plain chicken breasts for dinner every night of the week.  Or who doesn’t know how to work a grill.

Yes, it’s true.  She looks kind of like she fell out of the ugly tree.  I’ll admit it.  But at least she’s winding up with a dude with a hot body.  Even if he is a total a-hole.

But more importantly, poor me.  Because I can never run my hands up that fine ass chest of his – or grab his giant muscles – or climb him like a jungle gym.

What a waste.

Work Marriage

15 Dec

Most of us have one: a work spouse. It’s the guy or girl you hang out with at work and just seem to click with. Sometimes there’s a little undercurrent of a little something-something, but for the most part they provide a type of moral support for you. You may turn to them to bitch about your job, or your loved ones, or to get them to hold the door for you or maybe carry heavy things. The point isn’t too hook up at work, in fact, these relationships are supposed to be platonic. Otherwise a big fat mess ensues and
then you have to go through work couples counseling and may end up getting a work divorce. Then you have to figure out who gets the pantry and who gets the copy room. It’s freaking messy.

For many of the years I worked at Investments r Us Disney was my work spouse. He was there when I needed him and was always willing to sexually harass me when I was feeling fat. He was good like that. He never ever made a pass at me, though I don’t doubt if I had made a pass at him he would have probably gone along with it. I also don’t doubt that if his wife knew about half the stuff we talked about, she’d probably kick his ass twice and make him cry.

I can’t seem to find a decent man to date, but there are a bevy of work spouses from which to choose from. Office Adonis thought he was my work husband, I played along. Mainly because I didn’t have the heart to tell him if he wanted to be my work spouse we could never ever hook up. And since we did, the work marriage is null and void. I just haven’t told him yet.

Folgers is my work husband at Widgets & Co. We hit it off from the get go. I knew he had a little thing for me and he’s over stepped some bounds, but he’s never touched me. Though, again, I don’t doubt if I gave him any indication I was into him he’d be all over me like white on rice.

So here’s my question: if I can find a work spouse, why on God’s green earth can’t I find a normal unattached dude to date? Where are they all freaking hiding?

Protected: Ugh Boots

11 Oct

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Stop Checking the Counter

26 Sep

I didn’t sleep with him.  No one saw anyone naked.  There was no peen touching.

Calm down, people.

Protected: He’s Like a Blood Sucker, Only He Sucks Joy Instead Of Blood

26 Sep

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Protected: Office Adonis = Office A-dog-is

24 Sep

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Protected: The Conference Room

21 Sep

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