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Protected: A Guaranteed Way to Get Your Dumb Ass Fired in a Down Economy

10 Jul

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Protected: Who You Gonna Call?

12 Jan

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The Catherinette Cocktail Fund

22 Oct

These recent economic times have been turbulent for all of us.  We’re watching what we spend at the pumps (tee hee), cutting our entertainment budgets, and talking ourselves out of that cute pair of pumps that we really don’t need.  Some people have lost their jobs, some their homes.  I feel that sting too, my friends (that’s what she said).

In these trying times, I’m asking you to remember the less fortunate (ie. me). 

My cocktail budget is on the brink of extinction.  And what’s Catherinette without her cocktail?  It’s like Boozy Suzy without her booze, and no one wants to be around Suzy when she’s not drunk of her ass.  Now’s your chance to contribute to The Catherinette Cocktail Fund.  Simply click on the image of the cocktail glass below and remember to be generous…

Hey, and if you need a better reason to donate, let’s not forget that my birthday is coming up.  Lucky for you you still have 32 shopping days until that momentous occasion.

Protected: Bitches r Us

16 Oct

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Protected: ERGH!!

14 Oct

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Protected: The Catherinette & Foxy Show

13 Oct

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Take Pity on Me

8 Oct

Dear people of the blogosphere,

I need you right now.  I’m at home, dying from the plague.  Had I been smart, I never would have gone to work yesterday.  Yet, I felt obligated to go since I was supposed to do some training.  Too bad the market got housed yesterday and my sessions were cancelled.  You’d think knowing that would have brought me some solace, but it did not.  You see, when I was getting dressed yesterday morning, I noticed something really disturbing: my pants were getting awfully snug around the hips and thighs.

I’m getting fat.  My diet of fried food, pure carbs, soft drinks, and booze is finally catching up to me.  No longer are the days when I wore size 10 pants without Spanx.  Oh no, my friends.  We are now entering into the days of size 12s if I suck it in and never breathe again.

You know what this means, right?  Gasp!  It means back to exercising and watching what I eat.  Good bye chicken fingers, good bye french fries, good bye hamburgers, and farewell to you chocolate peanut butter cream pie.  Adios 2 cups of coffee with tons of milk in it every morning.  It was good while it lasted. 

After trying to squeeze my fat ass into my pants yesterday, I made the decision that things were going to change around here.  I made some smart choices when it came to meal times.  For example, I ordered a turkey burger and water for lunch (with extra mayo and tons of sweet potato fries).  Then for dinner I had sausage, peppers, mushrooms, and onions (on 4 slices of pizza that had extra cheese and some pepperoni).  I can do this!!  In no time at all I’ll be back down to my fighing weight (or so fat that I won’t be able to leave my own house).

So dear people, I’m going to take advantage of being stuck home in my bed today.  I’m going to not eat like a pig (basically because there’s nothing pig-like in my house.  Oh, except for some chocolate peanut butter cream pie), and drink tea all day.

Your fat friend,

Catherinette

P.S. Someone bring me some blueberry pancakes, STAT!