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I Break Things for Fun

5 Apr

OH YEAH!  Nothing like breaking shit at work on a Monday!

Several years ago Foxy and I took a trip in the service elevator with a ton (literally) of stuffers that went out with quarterly statements.  As the max weight limit on the elevator was 800 pounds, we broke the damn thing.  We made it about half way up the building when the buzzer started sounding and then the elevator just stopped.  Good times, good times.

We’ve been pretty good since then.  Sure I’ve taken a regular marker to a dry erase board from time to time, but for the most part I respect the property at work.  (As long as we’re not talking about hot new hires, those guys I like to disrespect.)

This morning Foxy asked me if I could lend her a hand with the collapsible wall in between two training rooms.  It’s been several years since we needed to open up the walls so we had both forgotten the process.  Yeah, we broke the wall.  It’s supposed to fold unto itself, instead it’s now hanging off the tracks and completely stuck.

Oops.

Hope they don’t take it out of my last pay check….

Protected: Do I Look Like Your Secretary?

7 May

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Protected: The Catherinette & Foxy Show

13 Oct

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My Amazing Skills and Talents: Part 3

24 May
My Amazing Skills:
I have the ability to come up with the best nicknames in the world-especially for people that I don’t particularly care for.

Why it’s so Cool:

This particular skill is kick ass because I know how much the general public appreciates it. Yes, you think about feeling bad for the person, but then you start laughing-you just can’t help yourself.

Behold the Power of this Skill:

Example 1
The person: some little new hire I don’t know.
The nickname: Shakira
The reason: Her hips don’t lie. Poor girlfriend’s got such a pretty face and the most unfortunate thighs/hips.

Example 2
The person: A total bitchy bitch that works on the 3rd floor.
The nickname: Nell Carter
The reason: Everytime I see her I imagine her breaking into song and belting out “Gimme a break I sure deserve it It’s time I made it to the top” while dancing around in the yellow mumu I’m so sure that she has hanging up in her closet. God, I just hate her.

My Skills and Talents: Part 2

9 Apr
My Amazing Skills:

I’m a natural born lyricist/poet. I can write a beautiful song/poem just about anything.

Why it’s so Cool:

I’m not going to explain the coolness of my genius, I’ll just show you instead. Below, is a song I wrote a few years ago when I had the joy and pleasure of having a little bladder infection. For those of you that have never experienced the sheer joy of living through one, the medication that is sometimes prescribed turns your pee orange. Enjoy!

Bladder infection.
Feel such rejection,
From my little bladder
It couldn’t get sadder
Than the sadness I feel
Emotions so unreal

But wait, what do I see??
Could it be I have orange pee?
Yes, yes it is!
It’s orange, the wiz!

Oh there’s now no regret
With an orange toilet!
Orange pee is so gleaming
Orange pee streaming

Oh oh oh oh ohhhh
orange pee
orange glee
orange pee
orange glee

My Skills and Talents: Part 1

3 Apr

It’s amazing I’m still single. Men out there would be beating my door down if only they knew about my amazing talents, thoughts, skills, etc. Starting today, I’ll begin to reveal said details:

My Amazing Skills:

I know all the words to Rico Suave by Gerardo and Copacabana by Barry Manilow.

Why it’s so Cool:

Come on, when was the last time you met a grown woman who not only knew the words to Rico Suave, but knew the meaning behind them? That’s right people, she’s funny AND she’s bilingual. That’s kick ass!

I sing them to my 2 year old nephew. He loves my interpretations of both. He asks me for more each and every time. My future secret boyfriend/luvah/husband will do the same.