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An Important Public Service Announcement

9 Mar

Nine times out of ten, boys do not like it when you use your teeth during oral.

The PSA You Need to See

12 Dec

Yesterday I wrote about the perils about getting involved with someone you work with.  Jon, one of the many fine readers here at Bridget Jones Has Nothing on Me, made a comment about how offices should have a PSA to warn people. 

Well, my dears, guess what I happened to find?  A PSA!!

Please to enjoy on this fine Friday.

Oh, and you’re welcome.

An Important Public Service Announcement

13 Aug

 Spicy peppers can burn your nether bits if you don’t do a good job of washing your hands after handling the little buggers.

How do I know this? Easy! Just the other morning, my friend called me to let me know that he had enjoyed some fresh jalepeno peppers from his garden for dinner that evening. I can’t remember what on earth he made for dinner-but that’s not important. Later that night, he decided to treat himself to a visit from Rosie Hand and her 5 friends. About 2 minutes into his romance fest, he realized that his…ahem…junk was staring to burn.

“Strange,” he thought to himself. “Did my girlfriend give me something and that’s why I’m burning?”

He decided to power through it and keep on manhandling himself. Another 2 minutes later flames were shooting out of the tip of his man bits. It was then he realized that the oils from the jalepeno peppers had still been on his hands and that’s what was causing the burning sensation. He had to jump into a very cold shower and scrub himself clean. The sad, tragic part is that it took 40 minutes of vigorous scrubbing to get rid of the burn.

Let this be a lesson to you! The next time you decide to handle spicy peppers, you may want to think twice before touching yourself afterwards.

An Important Public Service Announcement

8 Apr

“I’m Burning Inside to Touch You, Baby.” 

If anyone ever says that line to you, it most likely means they have the clap.  Proceed with caution.

Thank you and have a pleasant and polite day.

An Important Public Service Announcement

21 Nov

It’s important to have nice looking hands, this includes trimmed nails.  Do not, however, resort to trimming your nails at your desk during work hours.  That’s just not right.  It’s not.  You have a home, you should be trimming your nails there.  And don’t let me see you whipping off your shoe to trim your toe nails.  If this happens, I will beat you with your own shoe.

Thank you, and have a pleasant and polite day.

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An Important Public Service Announcement

31 Aug

If you’re going to be interviewed for a news segment on the radio, consider sprucing up your grammar.  Instead of using:

“What the name of this color is?” try using “What’s the name of this color?”  This might be considered cute if you were foreign or 4, but it’s not so cute if you English is your first language.  You sound like a dumb ass.  Really, you do.

Thank you, and have a pleasant and polite day.

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An Important Public Service Announcement

17 Jul

People, please Please PLEASE wash your hands after using a public restroom. Seriously, it’s for your own safety and protection. Plus the rest of us that see you are immediately nauseated if you do not.

Thank you, and have a pleasant and polite day.

An Important Public Service Announcement

12 Jul

When you’re drunk and trying to hit on a classy, sophisticated, educated woman who is sober, it behooves you to not talk about philosophy. It’s a dead give away that you don’t know what you’re talking about when you start mentioning Aristocrates. It’s Aristotle and Socrates, dumb shit.

Thank you, and have a pleasant and polite day.