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See Catherinette and Jewcy Bits Like You’ve Always Wanted To!

2 Nov

There’s nothing like going out on Halloween and enjoying the many sites that Baltimore has to offer. 

Some people went ALL out on the costumes this year.  For example, there was the slutty sailor, slutty Harry Potter chick, slutty nurse, slutty pirate, slutty student, slutty slut, slutty Octomom, and even the slutty green crayon.  Ladies, ladies, ladies, what ever happened to self respect? 

A slutty green crayon?  Really?  Yes, it’s true.  And she was HAMMERED and saying all sorts of indecent things in the elevator.  She even used the n word and then her friend started singing about how she was an n lover.  I’ve seen a lot of drunk people in my life, but the slutty green crayon and her friends were easily the dumbest drunk people I have ever seen.  Ever.

Then you have the chicks that think they look hot in their slutty costumes and they actually make your eyes bleed.  Take “France” for example.

Check out all my fat rolls!

Clearly this girl’s “friends” hate her or else they would have encouraged her to wear something more flattering.  It’s clear this girl needs some help from Operation Muffin Top(ple).

Oh!  Wait!  It gets better.  On the way to the concer that we went to on Halloween night, Jewcy Bits and I saw some dude taking a dump in the parking garage.  So klassy!!  YEAH!  There were some drunk assholes at the concert, and I was pretty sure that Lola and Jewcy Bits were going to start throwing elbows and splitting some bitch lips.  Thankfully, we were able to leave the concert without causing any damage – aside from what we did to our livers.

Now, what you’ve all been waiting for: a picture of me and Jewcy Bits together!  Your dreams are about to come true…

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It’s Official

20 Apr

Un-boyfriend is engaged!  He popped the question on Saturday.  I’m trying to get the details out of him, but he’s freaking impossible.

On a totally different note, I have lost my voice.  We’re going on 3 days now of me not being able to share my melodic voice with the people.  It’s tragic.

Oh, and Lola and I went to a sex boot camp yesterday.  The topic?  Sword Swallowing.

Oh, and 3D emailed me yesterday…

The First of the New Year

2 Jan

Day 2 of 2009 will mark a first (of the year) for me: tonight’s the night I get all boozy Suzy!  Margaritas, and mojitos, here I come.  That’s right, I’m going out on the town.  In just a matter of hours, I shall have a drink in my hand while enjoying the company of Lola, Un-boyfriend, Mr. Dirty Ruddy Sailor, and Amber.  So, if you happen to see me out downtown today, feel free to stop over and say hi.  Only don’t be all obvious about it because Lola is the only one that knows about the blog. 

If you come up yelling, “Catherinette??  Catherinette??  Is that you??”  I will look you straight in the face, roll my eyes at you, and tell you that you must have me mistaken for someone else.  May I recommend that when you casually saunter your way towards me that you casually mention, “Peen and wine in ’09.”  Then I shall salute you and drink with you.

I  look forward to having a touch of the cocktail flu tomorrow.  Just a touch.  I don’t want to be a boring loser at lunch tomorrow. 

Oh, did I forget to mention who I was having lunch with tomorrow?  Hmm…how about that.  Must have slipped my mind.  I’d fill you in, but I’m on a schedule and the shower is calling my name.

Guess you’ll just have to wait until tomorrow…

Protected: Celebrating 100 Days Without Peen!

18 Dec

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30 Oct

What’s up with dressing like a total whore on Halloween? I don’t get it, and probably never will.  Sure, I have to admit that one year I happened to go as a French Maid.  I was in 8th grade.  I wonder to this day what possessed my mother to let me dress up like this and go to school in the costume.  Perhaps she was convinced that my fat, round body would protect me from danger.  I remember feeling so sexy (which is scary since I was only 13) and being positive that everyone was going to think that I looked like hot shit.

There’s a picture of me in that costume, and all I can think of now is: good lord, I was a plump little bastard.  Why on earthdid you think you looked good?  You looked like a little fat girl trying to dress as an adult.  And kudos to you for your choice of NEON PINK socks with your white Keds.  No, really, nice choice.

It’s been ages and ages since I dressed up for Halloween.  The last time, I dressed up as white trash: denim skirt, black stockings, white shoes, blazer, teased hair, and horrible pink lipstick.  The worst part was that I actually left the house looking like that.  Why, God, why?  After that year, I only went out on Halloween one other time.  Amber, Disney and I chose not to go in costume-which was just as well.  We dragged ourselves downtown, parked our asses on a bar stool, and proceeded to mock the public.

Most of the girls we saw were dressed as slutty versions of nurses, doctors, fire fighters, school girls, secretaries, blah, blah, etc., blah.  My guess is that some of them were solicited and offered $5 for a quick BJ behind the bar.  I’m sure more than one of them agreed to this exchange.

I vowed to myself to never ever go out on Halloween again.  I couldn’t handle all the whores and drunken douche bags who kept asking what I was supposed to be.  I’m too old for that shit, and am perfectly happy locked in my house with some popcorn and some scary movie.  Sadly, this weekend I will have to break the vow I made so many years ago.  Tomorrow night I’m going downtown with Lola.  Saturday I’m supposed to be going to a costume party with the Ruddy Sailor (you can suck it, Foxy), and with Lola.  Herein lies the problem: I have no idea what to wear.  Furthermore, I don’t even want to dress up and I don’t know the people throwing the party. 

Christ, when did I turn into such a stick in the mud??  Hmm…maybe that’s what I’ll go as.  I can wear all brown (representing the mud), and glue a stick to my shirt.  God, what a lame flipping idea.  I really am a stick in the mud.

Making Bad Decisions for a Good Cause

25 Oct

You remember that time last year when I happened to find myself making out with a giant tool (Mr. Yellow Mustang) in his Tang colored Mustang?  Yeah, that was so “magical”. 

It just so happens that today Lola, Muffy, and I are volunteering at the same event where we met last year.   My guess is that he will be there as he’s best friends with the event planner.  Lola has met him before, but Muffy has not.  For reasons unknown to me (thanks 3D for giving us some new phrases that we’ll all start using), I believe that Muffy and Lola will take any chance they get to mock me.  No, really, I can’t wait…

Oh!  And it’s kind of rainy here which will mean that my freshly cut hair will turn into a rat’s nest.  So sweet.  My hair has this way of looking like I’ve recently put my finger in an electrical socket-it’s a gift, really.  If I’m lucky, maybe there will be tons of drunk sailors there who have no interest in me what so ever.  That would be the best in the world.  No, really.


4 Oct

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Just the Tip Tuesday (07/29/08)

30 Jul

Okay, so it’s Wednesday.  Shoot me for having a life and being stuck in meetings all day.  I’m sorry.  Are you happy now?  I’m freaking sorry.

This week I’m combining a Just the Tip Tuesday with a shout out.  It’s going out to Lola who just happens to be in San Diego.  And you know what else happens to be in San Diego?  Comic Con!  That’s right, kids.  Lola is hanging out with all the geeks who like to dress up in full costume.  So this week I dedicate JTT to Lola.  Nothing like doing it with a grown man that’s willing to dress up like a douche bag.  May you find your one true love out there.  And may I suggest that it’s this guy:

After all, you have a good idea of what he’s packing.  Please to enjoy.