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I want one of these right this second

8 Jan

Suck on This, Kelis!

2 Feb

I’d just like to throw it out there that my milkshake is 100 times better than Kelis’s ever was.  Yeah, hers brought all the boys to the yard, but mine makes them bust through the front door.  Why?  Because mine has Bailey’s in it.  Yeah, that’s right.  A milkshake WITH booze in it.  Take that, Kelis!!

Saturday night I had a romantic she-date with Jersey Belle.  It was a very refined date complete with a cheese plate from Wegmans and a very fancy and healthy tropical salad.  There was even pink champagne.  But the highlight of the night wasn’t when Jersey Belle hopped up on the couch and started belting out her own rendition of “Baby, I Like It” (her words include, “Baby I like it, the way you poop on the floor”.  No, no, my friends.  The highlight was the delicious milkshakes we made.  And the fancy part was we used 4 year-old Brown’s straws to drink out of them.  Nothing says klassy like drinking alcohol through a Mickey Mouse straw.

Bailey’s Milkshakes

  • 1/2 cup vanilla ice cream
  • 1/2 cup chocolate ice cream
  • 6 ice cubes
  • 1/2 cup milk (skim because you’re really trying to watch your weight)
  • lots and lots of Bailey’s
  • whipped cream to top

Throw it all in the blender and mix it until the ice cubes are crushed.  Pour it in a big glass, add the whipped cream, grab your kid’s straw and drink until you can’t feel your feet anymore.

Is It Supposed to Taste Like That?

14 Oct

First of all, that’s what she said.

Second, your mom knows what it’s supposed to taste like.

Okay, now that that’s out of the way, we can begin the post.  Know what’s delicious?  Those tiny Baby-Bel cheeses. 


There’s nothing like some bite sized cheese wrapped in wax.  When I was little I would inhale the cheese, and then play with the wax for hours.  Some kids eat paste, others eat play dough, I played with the left behind cheese wax.

As an adult, I no longer play with that wax – now I spend my time just inhaling the cheese.  There’s a slight problem that I noticed this afternoon just as I swallowed the last little bit (TWSS): the cheese leaves a really nasty after taste in your mouth. 

I don’t know how to describe it other than it tastes like ass*.  You know that horrible taste you get in your mouth right as you wake up?  It pretty much tastes like that.


*Please note that I have actually never eaten ass (nor do I intend to), but it’s what I imagine ass to taste like.

Can I Interest You in a Bowl of Soup?

23 Feb


There’s always some interesting news coming out of Britain…

Clearly the man and woman described in this article were interested in a big heaping bowl of man soup.  Sadly, they were going about making it all wrong.  Instead of boiling man bits off a perfectly innocent older gent, they can just purchase the mix.

You have GOT to see this!  I bet you big money that you’ve NEVER seen this kind of soup before.


6 Apr

Guess who’s in love?  Again.  Last night Lola and I went to this kick ass Baltimore restaurant named after a number. It was my first time there and I want to go back immediately if not sooner.  For those of you that are local, you may have heard of the restaurant.  The restaurant is right on the cusp of the ghetto on the NE corner of a park in Baltimore near Canton, and it’s totally worth risking life and limb to go there.

First, let me thank Lola for being 30 minutes late.  Had she arrived on time, I never would have had the chance to hang out at the bar and meet the charming and handsome bartenders (Cool Hand Luke and Other Bartender) and co owner (Dr. Slightly Evil).  This is a first for me: I’m officially in love with pretty much the entire staff (and menu) at this restaurant named after a number.

Other Bartender was kind enough to make me a fabulous rasberry mojito.  Fresh, delicious, and large (just like I like my men).  I had to control myself to not suck down the entire thing before Lola got there.  Once she did arrive, more drinks were ordered and consumed: the mango martini (made with fresh mango puree), and the three herb cocktail.  Let’s talk about the three herb cocktail for a second: holy crap it’s the most fantastic thing I’ve ever tasted (that’s what she said).  In fact, it was so awesome that I drank 3 of them.  It’s a fabulous drink made of crushed thai basil, mint, cilantro (sorry, Muffy), simple syrup, and flavored rum, topped with a splash of ginger beer.  Just thinking about it makes me want to immediately drive down there and beg for some.  (Coincidentally, I also enjoyed 6 glasses of water along with those drinks.  Smart move on my part because I didn’t have any cocktail flu when I woke up.)

We ended up eating at the bar instead of getting a table and asked for a few recommendations. We ordered the zucchini cakes (which were so awesome we ordered more), shrimp cakes, venison, potato soup, and mixed greens.  For dessert we had the chocolate pots de creme-freaking fantastic.  I had to keep myself from licking the little dish it came in. 

If you’re local, you should go immediately if not sooner-only don’t flirt with any of the wait staff or I will beat you senseless because I totally call dibs.  If you’re not local, it’s time to plan a trip. 


A Little Known Fact About Me

19 Mar

This is a going to come as a major shock to many of you.  I recommend that you sit down and take a deep breath before continuing.  Ready?  You sure?  Okay, here we go.  I am part pig.  I know!  Shocker!!  Take a deep breath, relax, get a hold of yourself. 

Here comes another huge shocker: I did, indeed, eat the entire pint of ice cream.  Oh how my stomach hurts now.  Hurts so good.  Here’s what doesn’t hurt so good, the knowledge that I inhaled 1320 calories.  

Let’s take a look at the damage, shall we?

  • Calories: 1320
  • Fat Grams: 80 grams (that’s 120% of the recommended daily intake)
  • Saturated Fat: 44 grams (that’s 200% of the recommended daily intake)

Oh how those numbers make we want to weep, but only a little bit.  Because it was all worth it.  All of those fudgey peanut butter filled pretzels have brought a lot of joy to my life. 

Thank you Ben & Jerry’s.  Thank you.

Ugh, my stomach is starting to hurt now. . .

Just the Tip Tuesday (03/11/08)

11 Mar

Happy Tuesday!  We’re back for another installment of Just the Tip Tuesdays!  Today’s feature is young, but of age.  You can catch him in the new Indiana Jones movie, or pop Transformers into your DVD player.

I present to you, Shia LaBeouf.  Mmm. . .hot!


Mmm. . .Cupcakes

7 Feb

Last night I had an appointment for a manicure and pedicure at a salon downtown.  Since I was in the neighborhood I decided to stop by the Baltimore Cupcake Companyand run in for happy hour.  That’s right, you heard me, happy hour.  They bake all their delicious yum yums on site and they have a 30 minute happy hour at the end of the day: all cupcakes are $1.  There were 5 people in line in front of me, and wouldn’t you know that the cupcake I was eyeing got snatched up by the stupid little girl that was right before me??  Brat!

The cupcakes there are absolutely fabulous.  The frosting they pile in is just as tall as the cupcake-yum!  I walked away with their coconut cupcake and one of the fudge brownie ones (think yellow cake with chocolate frosting and big fat chunks of brownie on the frosting).  When I finally got home I took both of them out to try which one I was going to eat and which one I was going to save.  Then I thought, “Why play these foolish games?” 

I poured myself a glass of milk, went upstairs to my bedroom, got in bed and inhaled both cupcakes.  Sometimes I love being single.  Never in a million years would I have done that if I was with someone.  I would have been too ashamed to have him sit there and watch me in horror as I hoovered those bad boys down. 

Oh, and Cinn Kitty, Simone is nowhere in sight.  And neither are her stupid peeps.