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He’s So Easy on the Eyes

3 Jan

As far as everyone at work is concerned, I’m dressed up today because I have a very important meeting with one of my clients today.  She’s a tough ass senior leader.  She is also a raging bitch.  Pulling out all of the stops on this one – that includes a full on suit and high heels.  No one will question why I’m looking so foxy in a power suit when they hear about this meeting with the uber bitch.

But you, dear friends, get the truth.  She doesn’t deserve a suit.  She doesn’t even deserve clean sweatpants with holes in them.  No, no, my friends, the real reason yours truly is looking full on hot today is because I have my very first meeting with my new boss.  My dreamy new boss with the ice blue eyes.  The one who works out regularly – I know because I see how his shirt clings to his biceps and chest.  The super hot boss with the dimples and sexy smile.

If sexually harassing my boss is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

Now, if only I can figure out a reason to climb into his lap and get him to take his shirt off…

I missed my chance

20 May

It’s been a full year since I found someone I was interested in being with.  I’ve known him for over a year now, and when I first met him I thought, “no way.”  Here we are a year later and I want to have him for myself.  There’s something about him.  He’s definitely not my type – are they ever?  Maybe it’s that he’s broken.  Maybe it’s that he pays attention to me.  I don’t know.  He flirted with me from the beginning, and perhaps I read into the flirting more than I should have.

We’ve talked about how we’re both so insecure, in different ways.  He’s someone who feels he needs to be with someone because he doesn’t want to feel like a loser.  I’d rather be alone so I don’t get left.  At first I thought, “why would I want to be with someone like that”?  I’d be afraid that if we got involved he’d reach a point where he wanted out but he was too chicken shit to say the words.

He finally broke up with his girlfriend, and about two months ago he invited me to go to Cancun with him.  I couldn’t go because I was locked into plans on one of those days.  But since the invite something changed for me and I started liking him.  I REALLY like him.  Like want him to myself like him.  I kind of thought he liked me that way too.  He kicked it up a notch in the last month, and both times I saw him he was kind of handsy.  He said things to me – and maybe he was joking, I don’t know.

Then there were conversations of what it would have been like if we had gone to Mexico together.  Perhaps I’m reading more into it than I should.  I know he’d sleep with me given a chance, but I want more than that.  I thought with more time something would unfold, but I was wrong.

He’s scheduled to come back from Mexico today, and this morning I found out he took someone else with him.  She was fifth on his list and a last minute thing, but he took her.  And I know based on our conversations he would take someone he wanted to sleep with.  So he has.  And I’m left in the dust.

I hate this feeling.  It’s so rare for me to find someone I want to be with, and I hate when it’s not reciprocated.  It makes me feel so awful about myself.  It’s so lonely.  So I’m sitting in my fucking pajamas on a beautiful day and all I want to do is cry.  Not so much over him as about how worthless I feel in this moment.  I’m royally bummed about wondering what it would have been like, but I’m more sad over how I feel about myself.

Swoony McSwoonerton

18 Aug

Oh, Facebook, how you freaking complete me!  Let’s totally make out!

Technically, I should be working.  Mainly because I have a deadline in less than three hours and haven’t bothered to start the project.  Is it wrong to blame a slipped deadline on a sick brother-in-law?  Because I will totally do that.  BUT fuck all that, I have a story to tell!

It’s about the tall glass of water who I totally lusted after my entire college experience: The Italian Robot.  He was so dreamy.  Tall, dark, handsome, a smile which could disarm anyone (including Ghadafi), blue eyes, and devoid of any personality what so ever.  But let’s be honest here, at 21 who the hell cares about personalities.  All I wanted was to see him with his shirt off (breathless above me).  Dude was SMOKING hot!

Senior year we randomly became friends.  I walked up to him at a party and introduced myself to him saying, “I’m sure you don’t know who I am, but I live around the corner from you.”  He looked straight into my eyes and said, “I know exactly who you are,” and said my name.  Had it been a cool thing to do, I would have peed my pants.  From that night on we’d bump into each other all the time.  There was one drunken occasion when I blurted out to him that I had had a crush on him since sophomore year.  His was response was, “Oh you don’t even know!”  Too which, being the clever (and totally drunk) person I am I yelled, “No you don’t know!” and stormed out of the bar.

Slick move.  I know.  I then proceeded to get even more drunk and make out with his roommate at the bar.

A few days later we were at a party together and I asked him to take a picture with me.  He said he’s love to, and as we were posing I told him I was going to tell everyone he had been my college boyfriend.  “In that case,” he said, “let’s get another one because I wasn’t smiling.”  He then gave a stick of gum, and I told him I was going to save half of it and keep it always.  15 years later and I still have that piece of gum in a photo album.

The night before graduation he and his friends all through a big bash.  I decided this was the night I was going to throw myself at him and make my move.  My liquid courage was ready, all I needed was an opening.  Unfortunately, there was this whore faced girl who wouldn’t leave him alone.  Finally, with three hours to go until graduation I left the house – never having had the chance to climb him.  Sad state of affairs.

We lost touch, not surprising since our “friendship” was based on a series of drunken encounters.  Fast forward to today when I was looking through one of my Facebook friend’s recent photo albums.  There in the first picture in all his shirtless glory was The Italian Robot.

Let’s not talk about how his arm was around the waist of that whore face troll who cock blocked me in college.

Protected: The Conference Room

21 Sep

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Protected: BT Dubs

7 Sep

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Got It Bad

4 Sep

You know you’ve got it bad for someone you work with when you’d rather be sitting in your cubicle than enjoying the weekend. And you may or not be checking facebook to see if they have any new status updates so you can comment.

Ugh!! Freaking shoot me.

Protected: It’s Official: He’s 12

2 Jul

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