At 39, I’ve come to know certain things about myself.
- I prefer dogs to cats.
- I hate dancing.
- I have zero tolerance for Christian Fundamentalists.
- I would never tolerate someone hitting me.
- I’m always going to be a few pounds overweight.
- I will never like beans. Or the Yankees.
Yesterday, I learned another valuable lesson: I am not cut out to ride the bus. I learned this lesson the hard way.
In an effort to save a few bucks, I decided to buy a round trip bus ticket from Philadelphia to New York City. In the past I’ve taken the train – a very enjoyable trip. This year, however, my desire to become slightly more frugal led me down the bad path of choosing Bolt Bus over Amtrak. Quite possibly one of the dumbest decisions I’ve ever made – even more stupid than dating Hairy McBacksweat.
For those of you who don’t live in the North East, let me tell you that yesterday was freezing cold. There is nothing like standing on a sidewalk, in line, for over an hour, while you will your feet not to freeze. All I could think about was how it was clear to me why homeless people do so many drugs, clearly it’s the only way they can keep warm in the shitty temperatures. Drugs are really bad, but at least they numb you from the pain of cold weather. The damn bus was running an HOUR late, yet it didn’t occur to Bolt Bus to notify anyone.
When the bus finally arrived, the bus driver just stared at us while he talked on his cell phone. He made us wait an extra 15 minutes. Not quite sure who was talking to because he’s not exactly the type of guy with a charming personality. Imagine a sack of potatoes, now add a pair of glasses, and remove any semblance of personality. That’s who this guy was.
Once he opened the doors and started letting us in, he was extremely rude to some of the passengers. One old lady was having difficulty getting up the stairs and he told her to “Hurry up! There are people waiting behind you!” Seriously, dude?
If only that had been the end of it all…
Once on the bus we all noticed it smelled like the inside of the toilet. Smell was beyond disgusting. As we started pulling away the bus driver came on over the loud speaker and told us if we had any more complaints about the smell to take it up with Bolt Bus because there was nothing he could do about it. He then went on to inform us that the bus had been in the bay and was scheduled for a clean up but they hadn’t had a chance to get anything done.
The ordeal was so fucking terrible, in fact, that within my first five minutes on the bus I was online purchasing an Amtrak ticket for my trip home.