Archive | 3:46 pm

Backdoor Lana

5 Apr

Salutations, my friends.  And a happy Friday to you!  Know what makes this an amazing Friday?  I quit my job yesterday.  Yes, it’s true, I’m blowing this popsicle stand. I’m out of this bitch, y’all.

More on my exit later.

Let’s talk about what a small world this is.  My boss is also planning on getting out of here, she too dislikes this place.  I had hoped we could give our notice at the same time so her boss could freak out and panic.  Alas, it won’t happen at the same time.  It could, however, happen a few weeks apart.

This afternoon my boss had a second interview at an organization which is far more up her alley.  Mainly because they’re nice to people and they’re smart.  Plus you can wear jeans to work.  Also, you don’t have to deal with people who think they’re amazing but can’t figure out how to send an email from Outlook.  She showed me her interview schedule yesterday, and wouldn’t you know it, there was a name on there which I recognized.  As luck would have it, I used to work with one of her interviewers, Backdoor Lana.

Back when I was a baby working at Investments r Us she was in one of my very first training classes.  Her class was amazing!  Had a great time with them – mainly being inappropriate and getting drunk with them, and I developed friendships with a number of them.  One of them, Harley Davidson, was a bit of a bad boy with green eyes.  He rode a motorcycle and went to Sturgis.  He smoked weed.  He had longish hair.  He was a rebel, and he was hot.  While he was in the training class, he had a girlfriend and was off limits.  Months later he and his girlfriend broke up.  We started flirting over email, and talked about how we’d hook up if we ever ended up in the same state – he worked out of the West Coast office.

Then BLAM! I got sent out to the West Coast for 2 weeks for work.  We were gonna bone.

At that time his roommate was Backdoor Lana and they’d hook up every once in awhile.  Typically she was the one who would make the first move, and he’d go along with it because he was a dude and he wanted to get laid.  As she and I were friends she would tell me about hooking up with him and she said she knew we’d been emailing and she highly recommended a romp with him.  Thumbs up, she’d make herself scarce.

Um.  Weird, but whatever.

Long story short, we boned.

Next day she wanted to hear details, I didn’t tell her.  She asked me if we did anal.  “UH, NO!” was my response (or something like that because uh, no).  Then she went off for about 20 minutes about how much she loved it and how great he was at it and how she couldn’t sit down the next day, but she couldn’t get enough.  I passed on the butt love from him.  Even the next time I flew out there and boned him again.  He was gifted, that was for sure, but I’m not into backdoor loving.  Not my bag.

Shortly after the last time I was out there she announced to him that she was in love with him and she wanted for them to date exclusively.  He had always been straight with her about just being fuck buddies with her.  As you can imagine, it put all kinds of strain on their relationship.  He ended up moving out.  He met a girl.  He’s now married and has a few kids.

And now she’s a senior executive at this firm and she could potentially be my boss’s new boss.

How about that for a small world?

Also, Monsieur le Baguette and I are moving in together.