Learn and grow

17 May

Many years ago, when I was a tiny fetus, I made the decision to pursue a job in HR.  I was attracted to the glamour and the incredible pay.  Oh wait, wrong field.  When asked why HR, I’ll tell people I really enjoy helping others and want to serve as a resource.  That I’m invested in their professional growth and I’m intrigued by the team dynamics in an organization. LOLZ!  No, but really, one of the greatest things about working in HR is all the juicy gossip you get to hear.  There are some jacked up things people decide to do at work.  Some are legitimately bad and/or illegal, and some leave you wondering why people are so dumb.

Whatever the stories are, I always enjoy them.  Even when they’re a bit cringe worthy.  My favorite part about all of this is I’m never the one who has to discipline any of the employees because I don’t do employee relations.  If someone comes to me, I merely refer them to the appropriate party.  And then I spend time talking to the people in employee relations so I can get the scoop.

I’ve got some favorites which have remained with me over the years:

  • There were the two new hires who were fired because they were caught in a supply closet, both had their pants around their ankles.
  • Then there’s the story of how someone walked into a dark training room only to find his married trainer bent over the front desk while her married direct report nailed her from behind.
  • How about the one time a senior manager called to tell me he’d been at an after work event with his team and one of his direct reports got HAMMERED and then proceeded to proposition him.  She thought she was whispering in his ear, but she was talking at full volume – in front of her entire team.  Oh, and both she and her manager were married.
  • There’s also the staff member who falsified medical documents showing he was having surgery and would need to be out of the office, and then was dumb enough to post Facebook pictures of his cruise to the Bahamas.
  • I love the one about the sales guy who got a sweet promotion and was promptly fired when he turned in his work laptop – the laptop he used to watch porn while he was traveling.
  • Then there’s the story of the woman who repeatedly made out in the work elevator and in a conference room with someone 9 years her junior who had a girlfriend.  Wait.  Shit.  That was me.

Through those stories I’ve learned key lessons such as lock the door if you are going to engage in sexy time at work; don’t get drunk at work functions; if you’re going to proposition your boss at work, make sure your entire team isn’t seated in earshot; fraud is bad; if you’re going to watch porn while you travel for work make sure you use a personal device.  I’ve learned and grown so much.

It’s like this job was made for me – stupid decisions and gossip.  The only thing missing is booze.

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One Response to “Learn and grow”

  1. datingandotherstories May 19, 2018 at 10:14 pm #

    Haha definitely don’t get drunk at work functions. I loved listening to the stories from my friend in HR.

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