Check mate

17 Apr

I am a horrible person.

A horrible person who took the easy way out and ended up crushing a soul and stealing a spine.

A horrible person because it was easier for me to avoid the conversation than to have it and instead I ended up being more hurtful to the other person. Which of course makes me feel shitty and makes me think I should have been more forthcoming about where I was and where we were never going to go.  Oh, Chess Player.  I’m an asshole.  A hurtful dick hole.

He knew I was dating other people, but I think he thought we were further along than we actually were. He knew I was going away last weekend, but I didn’t tell him it was with Monsieur le Baguette.  Maybe if it was a different time, if there was no MlB, I don’t know.

Last week after I’d gotten home and MlB and I had “the talk” the Chess Player texted me to see how my weekend had been.  I didn’t respond.  I told myself I’d get to it at some point, and instead I let it go.  A week went by and last night – after a week of silence from me – he sent another message, “Hey, hope you’re well.  It seems like I completely misread the situation between the 2 of us.” I could have chosen to ignore it, to let it go, and leave him wondering.  Then I thought I’d hate if someone did that to me.  I’d swallow the discomfort and tell him what was up.

So I messaged him.  I told him I’d met someone the week before I’d met him, and he was who I had been with last weekend, and we’d decided to give things a go as boyfriend and girlfriend.

And he was blindsided.

And I am an asshole.

He feels confused and led on, and I did that to him.  It is hurtful when someone does it to you and here I’ve done it to someone else.  I should have told him sooner.  I should have just not texted him or gone out with him again.  But I didn’t do those things.  Instead we texted frequently, I said yes to a date with him, I ended up naked in his bed again, and I made him think we had some kind of future together when that wasn’t the case.

I am a horrible person.

3 Responses to “Check mate”

  1. Grey Goose, Dirty April 17, 2018 at 12:49 pm #

    You are NOT a horrible person. You did what needed to be done. I am sorry you feel bad about it, but you did the right thing. The Chess Player was all in after date #1, so I don’t really see this ending any other way.

    • Catherinette April 17, 2018 at 12:54 pm #

      It couldn’t have ended any other way. I could have been more gentle than I was with him.

    • Grey Goose, Dirty April 17, 2018 at 1:09 pm #

      You did the best you could. That’s all any of is can do. I don’t know about you, but I’m kinda rusty on breaking up with someone (they always beat me to the punch). You were wrapped up in MlB. Every decision is a learning experience. Hopefully you’ll never need to break up with any one again, it if you do, you’ll do better. Don’t beat yourself up. You’re an awesome person….

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