Mr. Clean

14 Mar

When I was in college I had a friend who looked exactly like Mr. Clean – including the gold hoop earrings.  He was a nice guy, the kind of guy you could date long term, but not the kind that you want for a quick romp.  I had a few girlfriends who had crushes on him, he didn’t quite do it for me.  I tried to like him “like that”, just didn’t feel it.  We were lacking the spark, at least on my end.

He was good friends with Lawman, one of my secret boyfriends who was hot like the sun.   Now Lawman was the the type of guy that could sweet talk any girl into losing her panties at the foot of his bed.  He and I had crazy chemistry. On Thursdays of my senior year we had a class together at 3:00.  We’d meet at 11:00 at the student center and spend hours together flirting with one another.  The best time ever.  He had a pretty crazy girlfriend who he cheated on pretty frequently.  They ended up breaking up, I slept with him, and then she wanted to kill me in a bar.  It was great.  Mr. Clean knew all the sordid details – all of them, because Lawman told me that he had told Mr. Clean.

A few months after I hooked up with Lawman, Mr. Clean started pursuing me pretty hard.  I had known he liked me, and he amped up the flirting.  Still wasn’t quite where he was, even though there were times I thought, “maybe I should just date him, he’s a nice guy.”  One day he showed up at my house for some forgotten reason.  I was in the kitchen with my back to him when suddenly he was standing behind me, pressed up against me with his head buried in my neck.  Okay, he had my attention.  “Why not?” I thought.  Turned around and we started making out.  No spark.  Have you ever kissed someone when you weren’t feeling it?  It’s kind of like eating very bland food – not a great experience.  He propped me up on the counter and we kept making out.  Meanwhile I was trying to figure out what I needed to do to get him out of the house.  Instead, I just went along with it.

He tried to lure me into the bedroom, but I wouldn’t budge – my ass stayed planted firmly on the kitchen counter.  Then, he did something exceptionally irritating: he attempted to try a bit of dirty talk.  He was telling me all of the things he wanted to do to me once he got me into my room.  I’m totally down for some dirty talk.  The right words can be wicked hot.  Tell me what you like.  Tell me what you’re going to do to me.  Tell me what you want.  Tell me what you’ve been thinking.  Fucking hot, right?

**Swoon**

Not this guy.  It was the tone of his voice along with what he was saying that was awkward as all fuck.  I think there were too many, “mmm’s” in there.  I’m pretty sure I was rolling my eyes behind my closed lids.  Way to kill the mood.  I finally figured out a way to get him off me and talked him into leaving.  I believe it was under the guise of “ruining the friendship” or some other bullshit.  That was the one and only time we ever hooked up and I ever had to listen to him saying, “mmm…your body would feel so good underneath mine.”

**Gag**

Some men are almost poetic with the way they can string together a few dirty words, while others can attempt the same thing and totally kill a lady boner.

2 Responses to “Mr. Clean”

  1. pinkiemcqueen March 14, 2018 at 12:36 pm #

    Sooo true. I cannot get my husband to flirt like. lol, it’s a wonder he got me to marry him. His idea of sexy talk is ” I wish you were here,” and ” I can’t wait till tonight!” boring.

    • Catherinette March 14, 2018 at 2:33 pm #

      Woman, you gotta work on that!!

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