Sticking a toe in the dating pool

1 Feb

This is the year, friends.  I can feel it.  This is the year that once again I have a boyfriend and I write to tell you all about the amazing things he does – like mows the lawn and makes me coffee and cleans out the litter box and stands around being hilarious AND handsome.  It’s going to happen.  It’s coming.  I’m putting myself back out there, one little baby step at a time.

Guess who went on a date the other night?  And guess whose date spent most of the time talking about his ex-wife, complaining, and interrupting her? And then guess who got drunk on the date and stumbled out of the restaurant?

Ah, the joys of singledom and the efforts we go to to try to find “the one”.  At this point I’m ready to throw in the towel and find “the one for the moment”.  Even that shit is hard, yo! I miss the days from college where I’d meet someone in a bar and 2 weeks later we were boyfriend and girlfriend.  Or when at work I’d have my pick of fresh faces of new hire classes that started.  Meeting someone at this point of my life is much harder.  Granted, it’s not like I’m meeting a whole bunch of bachelors while I’m sitting on the couch with Mr. Bojangles and watching Netflix.  Shocking, I know.  So I did what any other desperate woman with a ticking clock would do – I got back on Tinder.

After a 2 year break, it’s time to get back out there.  I’m optimistic that this time I’ll find some handsome stud who is gainfully employed, doesn’t have a criminal record, is kind, and wants to spend time with me.  It can happen!  He is out there!  Right?? Right!

It’s been about 2 weeks since I started swiping left and right, and so far it seems to be going the same as it had in the past.  Relatively underwhelming.  A bunch of dudes I have zero interest in dating, or matches who don’t like to respond to messages.  You can imagine my delight when I matched with a few who 1) responded to messages; 2) made arrangements to meet up for drinks.  So far?  Absolute fail.

Date 1 cancelled the day of.  Not necessarily a bad thing because he started calling me “babe” and “sweetie”.  Terms typically reserved for after you meet and you’ve decided that there’s some chemistry and potential for future.  His excuse: coming down with the flu.  Okay, fine, Ill give him the benefit of the doubt (no I won’t). After pulling out from the date, we exchanged a few more messages, and then crickets.  Pretty sure that “babe” is gone forever.  Peace out, “sweetie”, hope you’re feeling better.

Date 2 showed some potential.  An attorney – and I’ve always wanted to date a lawyer and never have.  Assistant State’s Attorney!  How about that for impressive?  Met for drinks on Tuesday.  As soon as I walked in I wanted to turn around and walk back out. Looked nothing like his pictures and was way older than I thought.  He reminded me of my awful uncle and creeped me out.  PLUS he wore a mustard yellow turtleneck.  No thanks, I’m out.  I stayed for drinks and he proceeded to tell me a lot about his ex-wife, and how she had Crohn’s Disease [insert blank stares]. They were married for 15 years.  I thought that they had probably just separated if he was talking about her so much.  Nope, they divorced 6 years ago.  Right.  He proceeded to talk and drink and drink and complain and talk and complain and then drink some more.  No food, just beer.  He said he hadn’t had anything for 2 months and was drinking beer with a very high alcohol content.  I stuck to my 2 glasses of wine and watched him get shitfaced at the bar.  Finally the time came for the check – which we split because he wasn’t going to pay (fucker).  I walked out of the bar while he stumbled behind me.  He attempted to kiss me and I gagged while I turned to give him a cheek.  Fuck that for a joke.  It’s gonna be a hard pass from me.

Date 3 with The Tutor is tonight. We’re going for tacos.  He seems funny enough, we’ve had some witty banter in the last few days.  We’ve already named our illegitimate son, and come up with excellent excuses to cancel the date.  Plus we’ve admitted to stalking each other on the face pages.  I want this one to take.  Please let it take.  If it doesn’t, the next one is lined up and ready to go.  He’ll have to pay child support for this imaginary baby, though.  It’s his responsibility.

3 Responses to “Sticking a toe in the dating pool”

  1. Lady, Lost February 1, 2018 at 7:12 pm #

    I feel like you and I are literally the same person at two different ages in life 😂 Keep the blogs coming!


  1. It’s raining men | Bridget Jones Has Nothing On Me - March 15, 2018

    […] it really only been 6 weeks since I dove back into dating?  Feels like months in some respects.  Frankly, I kinda wish I’d have jumped back in much […]

  2. Bridget Jones Has Nothing On Me - March 28, 2018

    […] there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last twoish months since I started dating again it’s that I need to slow my roll with my text messages. Where initially I was happy to fire […]

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