I read the comics as a child. What kid wasn’t into it? Remember those days when Sunday papers had the big color comics spread. I clearly remember running outside, leaving a paper trail of the stupid business and world news sections on the floor, and whipping open the comics section to find out the latest shenanigans that Calvin & Hobbs, Brunhilda, Mother Goose, and sometimes even Marmaduke were up to.
Then there was Garfield. You remember him, right? The overweight orange tabby cat who sassed his owner, harassed his fellow pet-roommate (Odie), and ate just about anything they put in front of him? Then at some points – for some ungodly reason – they made a movie about him starring Jennifer Love Hewitt. No shock that it was a total bomb. No es bueno.
While I didn’t necessarily rush to read Garfield, I could appreciate his wit, his laziness, his torture of Odie. He was a bit of a dick really. I mean, really, if you think about it, he was a prick. I’d venture to say that he was the original grumpy cat. As I’ve grown into an adult, I reflect on how right Garfield was about how absolutely wretched Mondays are.
There is no greater evil on this Earth than a Monday morning. Without a doubt I will wake up angry, bitter, sad, and frustrated – all at the same time. This morning, for instance, the first think I said out loud was, “Fuck this,” as soon as the alarm went off. Do you have any idea how sad it is to wake up alone in your house and have the first words out of your mouth – essentially spoken to the empty house – be “fuck this”? That’s not cute. Not cute. I picture the day when one day some man is laying next to me on a Monday morning, the alarm goes off, and he wakes up to me saying, “Fuck this”. What will he do?
I’m getting ahead of myself. The likelihood of that happening is slim to none, especially if we consider my track record for sleeping ALONE every night for the last zillion billion years.
How’d we get on this topic? Mondays, right…
Earlier this year I started watching Game of Thrones. The further I got into it, and the more that King Joffrey (the most vile human being ever) was featured in the show, it became clear to me that Monday’s are to the world what King Joffrey is to Game of Thrones. He is as ugly on the outside as he is on the inside.
Those of you who have seen the show know exactly what this means. For those of you who don’t watch it, you should – and then you’ll see that I’m totes right.