Light it up, people. Light. It. Up!!
What the fuck does that even mean? I don’t know. Who cares?? Because you know why? You know why?? Because my DREAMY secret boyfriend with the bedroom green eyes came to visit me at my desk today.
I mean, yeah, whatever, he may have actually been stopping by to see someone else and then just popped over to say hello, but whatever!! AND he confessed to stalking me on Facebook. That happened. He just mentioned a picture that I posted in October of 2014. Um, hello, we’ve only been Facebook friends for like a month. You know what this means, right? It means he wants in my knickers!!
And you know what else?? He is single!! And employed!! And have I mentioned how dreamy his green eyes are??
So what if he’s a little bit younger than I am. In the grand scheme of things 11 years isn’t that big of a difference. I mean, sure, he was 10 years old when I graduated from college. But, you know, whatever. He has a penis, I have somewhere for him to put it. It’s like a match made in heaven.
And who cares if like technically it would be sexual harassment if I asked him out since I’m considered “senior” and he’s very (very) “junior”. We don’t need to tell anyone about it, right? RIGHT!!
The writing is on the wall, people. We all know exactly what’s going to happen next – I’m going to pursue him LIKE MAD (but not really, more like I’ll just kind of happen to cross paths with him as often as possible), and then he’ll start dating someone and I’ll end up alone on my couch with a pint of ice cream and my fat pants.