The battle against my massive muffin top has been going quite well. My thighs are no longer threatening to bust the seems of my pants. No longer can you notice every last dimple of my ass in my pants. My Spanx are enjoying a well earned vacation. Best of all? My stomach doesn’t have the permanent indent from my buttons any longer. Bye bye fat!
Yesterday, for the first time in about 8 months, I wore my skinny jeans out of the house. Fit like a glove – in a good way. Not one of those squeeze into it and if it zips it fits things. No no, they actually looked good! Best jeans ever. EVER! They’re the jeans that I always receive compliments on. It’s as if Houdini himself made them, because what they do to my ass is magic. Have had them for about three years and have taken such good care of them. They’ve lasted me longer than any other jeans, most likely because the second I gain 10 pounds I can’t wear them any more. The inner thighs are starting to wear, but they still look GREAT!
After a long day of prancing around in my jeans, it was finally time to take a little rest. Had my dinner ready to go and plopped down on the couch. For some reason I always sit Indian style – or crisscross apple sauce as they say in schools now. What the fuck is that about? How can you get apple sauce to go crisscross? Really? Anyway, my ass hit the couch, my legs went into their favorite state and that’s when I heard and felt the horrible RIP of the left inner thigh of my jeans.
Life sucks. I’m going to go eat something I shouldn’t be eating.