Archive | 10:33 am

Two Girls One Cup – Or One Girl Two Sofa Cushions

25 Jan

Apparently I’m doing drugs at some point during the day because my dreams this week have gone into an entirely new realm of weird.  We’re talking Georgio A Tsoukalas from “Ancient Aliens” weird.

His hair is a perfect visual representation of the craziness of my dreams.  One minute I’m playing baseball in a hotel room – only there’s no baseball, we’re using a spaghetti squash.  Then the next minute I’m having a perfectly nice afternoon at my sister’s house, surrounded by my family, and I’m pooping in between her couch cushions.  Yeah, that’s right – we’re in the middle of the conversation and I just pooed in her living room.  And know what?  No one noticed.  Meanwhile, I’m left with the decision of what to do with all that remains.  I couldn’t just leave it there!!  That would be wrong, but apparently taking a dump in her couch in the middle of a conversation wasn’t?  So what did I do?  I reached behind me, scooped it up and kind of hid it in the folds of my very beautiful blue skirt.  After that we’re off for a walk in the dessert and I’m throwing my poop behind me.

Um, what?

Why can’t I have some amazing dream where there’s a naked Bradley Cooper, or where Ryan Gosling’s penis appears?  Or maybe I’m dating royalty and I have access to seeing Prince Harry’s naked ass when ever I want to?  NOOOOOO!  Instead I’m dreaming of pooping between couch cushions.

Can’t even begin to imagine what that possibly means.