Giving a little tlc to TLC

17 Jan

Dear TLC,

We need to talk.  I’m starting to get concerned about the direction in which your life is heading.  Remember when we were first introduced and you had all these amazing shows?  Those were good times.  Sure, at first it was a little hard because people thought, “The Learning Channel?  What’s that about?” And you taught us!  You really did, TLC!  We learned about nature, and science, and different social issues, and cultural challenges, and all sorts of other stuff that made us really think.

Then something happened, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

How did you get from where you started to “Toddlers & Tiaras”, “Gypsy Sisters”, “My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding”, and “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.”  What, TLC, is it that you want us to learn right now?  Because so far, the only thing I’ve learned is that I don’t want to learn what you want to teach.


Your transformation reminds me of one of those smart college girls with her glorious future ahead of her who decides to try a “bump” at a party.  “I won’t get addicted,” she thinks.  But 6 months later she’s fired from her job, kicked out of the house, and is accepting $25 for a half and half behind the Wal-mart.  Shortly there after she ends up doing gang bangs in porn because she needs money to buy more drugs.  Pretty sure she never saw herself sucking six dicks on camera for the $120 that the director is paying for her.

That’s what’s happening to you, TLC.  You’re about to find yourself with two other girls in that scene where you pretend your car breaks down and you have no money and the only way you can get it fixed is if you do a bukkake scene with 8 black guys.  This isn’t what you want for yourself, TLC, it’s not.

Look, I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you, but I can’t support you any longer.  Your decisions are beginning to make me uncomfortable, and I can’t stand by you while you ruin your life.  If you do not accept help today, our relationship will change in the following ways — wait, no, that’s A&E.  My bad.

Anyway, seriously, it’s time to take inventory of your life, TLC, you really need to think about where you’re heading and what you’ll end up doing if you don’t get back on track.  Come back to us, TLC, come back.  Make me want to learn stuff again – and not about how spending 8 hours a day couponing will help me build a lifetime supply of mayonnaise and toilet paper.

We miss you.  Come back to us.

Sincerely, your viewers.

5 Responses to “Giving a little tlc to TLC”

  1. whisperingwriter January 17, 2013 at 11:51 pm #

    I agree, TLC has gotten insane. The Honey Boo Boo family frightens me and the prostitots from Toddlers and Tiaras aren’t any better. It teaches me how I DON’T want to parent.

  2. ron January 18, 2013 at 12:44 pm #

    You nailed it. TLC went from Rodeo Drive to the Greyhound Bus Station. The station jumped the shark a while ago and I no longer serve as their enabler.

  3. Lisa January 18, 2013 at 1:13 pm #

    I totally agree that there’s no “learning” on TLC anymore, but some of those trainwrecks are totally too funny not to watch. I know it’s not bettering me in any way, and I’m most likely losing I.Q. points every time i tune in (I feel shame). I know it’s not TLC, but the one show that I can’t seem to steer away from lately is Catfish! Anyone else enjoy it as much as me?

  4. surlyspinster January 18, 2013 at 3:52 pm #

    You hit the nail on the head with this one! Nonetheless, I must emerge from my shame closet and admit that I do have “Sister Wives” DVR’d… I am afraid to watch “Honey Boo Boo” after the three hours I lost to it one night mesmerized by the fact that they were speaking English and needed English subtitles.

  5. Lawfrog January 28, 2013 at 9:35 pm #

    All I can say is AMEN! Wait, I can say more…I too miss the TLC of old when it was worth watching. Now, it’s nothing but consistent train wrecks of humanity (CTH). Perhaps they should change to CTH as their call letters. In any case, it’s sad, just so so sad.

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