It’s been awhile since I mentioned what a fucking asshole my uncle is. He’s like Pol Pot without all the killing – and without the amazing pant suit. There is no one who can enrage me quite like him. He’s so awful, in fact, that my niece and nephew can’t stand him. When Lucy(fer) was still 4 and he had been visiting, she made my sister call my mom so my mom could tell him to leave her alone because she hated him.
Yes he cheated on all of his wives. And yes he was an ass to his children. And yes he thinks he’s God’s gift to women. And the most amazing writer ever. And the smartest man on earth. And the center of the universe. And yes he told a dying woman that he never loved her and their marriage had meant nothing to him. And he told one of his grandchildren that he hated him. Oh, and there was also the time that he told my sister, who was a grad student at the time, that graduate school didn’t matter unless it was at Harvard. And did I mention how the only reason his son went to business school at Harvard because my sister wrote all his admissions essays? Yeah, it happened.
Low and behold this miserable man is now aging and his kids want to wash their hands of him. He has Parkinsons and refuses to take his medication so ends up having seizures, which make him lose his balance, which make him fall, which make him end up with a concussion, which make him end up in the hospital. His daughters, who are bitches in their own right, want to put him in a nursing home because they don’t want to bother with him. One of them lives a block away from him and sees him less than once a week. The other one is too busy with her eating disorder, failed relationships, and pretending to run a business than to do anything other than call once a week. There’s a maid who ends up babysitting and playing nurse – mainly because he fired the most recent nurse because she told him to take his medicine. Oh, and he also fired the chauffeur suggested he not walk the dog anymore because he wasn’t strong enough.
Mind you, he doesn’t pay for any of this. One of my cousins and my mom sends him money because his last wife left him high and dry. And does he save this money to plan for the future? No he does not. He spends it on inviting friends out to dinner and buying new suits. What does a 77 year old man need with new suits when he’s staying home to watch TV? It’s a mystery…
His behavior is getting worse, and he’s starting to lose his balance more and more. His daughters have suggested a nursing home (frankly, I think they should drop him off in the dessert with a canteen of water and see what happens). They set him up in a home and they can go back to their busy lives of manicures, flamenco dancing, and plastic surgery.
Meanwhile, my poor mom is a mess. She feels totally helpless and obligated and has decided maybe the best option is to have him move in with her. She trades in her feelings of guilt for a very high price. Her life as she knows it is over. He’d take over her house and all of her free time. Because no one else will take care of him. She gives up everything to save him from a him. Who are we kidding here? My mom is in her late 60’s. How many more years does she have left? I’m not saying she’s at death’s door, but I hate thinking about him hanging on and ruining her golden years. She deserves so much more than that – and he doesn’t deserve her at all. He deserves exactly what he’s getting.
You reap what you sow.
I hate him for not taking his meds. I hate his kids for being such fucks ups and for manipulating my mom into taking responsibility for him. And I hate this whole situation.