Sure I dated someone who had horse teeth. And maybe I made out with a dude who had a girlfriend (but his body was AMAZING and he was 9 years younger). And yes, there was even a dude with a lot of back hair who sweat a lot and was dumber than a box of rocks. But I have standards. They may be low, but I’ve still got them.
No matter how old, or lonely, or desperate I get, I will never ever ever EVER ever EVER ever ever date any of the following:
- Men who own jorts (jean shorts)
- Men who wear hunting gear as a fashion statement
- Anyone who looks like he belongs on “Jersey Shore”
- Dudes with Fu-manchu mustaches
- Dudes with any mustaches (even if it’s Movember)
- Men who look like they squeezed themselves into a size smedium (that’s small/medium) t-shirt when they need an XL
- Dudes who take shirtless pictures of themselves in the bathroom mirror at work (3D doesn’t count. We were already dating when he started doing that)
- Anyone who has a sick obsession with cats, Star Trek, or Valerie Bertinelli
I’d rather be single forever than deal with any of those dudes.