Archive | 6:33 pm

High or Low, They’re Still Standards

13 Nov

Sure I dated someone who had horse teeth.  And maybe I made out with a dude who had a girlfriend (but his body was AMAZING and he was 9 years younger).  And yes, there was even a dude with a lot of back hair who sweat a lot and was dumber than a box of rocks.  But I have standards.  They may be low, but I’ve still got them.

No matter how old, or lonely, or desperate I get, I will never ever ever EVER ever EVER ever ever date any of the following:

  • Men who own jorts (jean shorts)
  • Men who wear hunting gear as a fashion statement
  • Anyone who looks like he belongs on “Jersey Shore”
  • Dudes with Fu-manchu mustaches
  • Dudes with any mustaches (even if it’s Movember)
  • Men who look like they squeezed themselves into a size smedium (that’s small/medium) t-shirt when they need an XL
  • Dudes who take shirtless pictures of themselves in the bathroom mirror at work (3D doesn’t count.  We were already dating when he started doing that)
  • Anyone who has a sick obsession with cats, Star Trek, or Valerie Bertinelli

I’d rather be single forever than deal with any of those dudes.