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Let it burn

4 Nov

There are some embers that will always smolder.  No matter how often you try to put them out.  There comes a day when you don’t think about the fire that once was, and it seems like it has burned out forever – and you’re at peace.  But the slightest bit of attention and those embers start to light up again.

Doesn’t matter how long it’s been, there are some people you can never let go of.  They’ll just pop up out of nowhere and the butterflies will appear.  Even if you try to rip the wings off of those bastard butterflies because you know they’re made by the devil himself, they will not die.  No matter what.

There are some people who you will love forever, even if you don’t want to anymore.

Doesn’t matter if you think of all the ways they’ve wronged you, and how your heart landed in a million pieces, and how you cried 1,000 rivers, and how you buried the dreams you once had.

You will always love them.  No matter what.

And you don’t want to – because it sucks to be pulled back into the depths of that fire.  You just want to turn it off, stop thinking about it, and just let it be.  But you can’t.  And you’ll never be able to.  No matter how much time goes by, or who comes into your life – or who comes into theirs.

Because you still find comfort in the fire and the warmth it brings you.  And there’s hope in the warmth of the flames.  Hope that will go up in smoke, as it always does with him.

I fucking hate that.

I wish it would just burn out.

I can’t sleep

4 Nov

Mainly because its in the middle of the day. But mostly because he’s asleep right next to me. Inches away. Passed out. How could I miss that??

Of course he’s asleep. We had a long night. It was way past one by the time we went to bed. We were out super late while he declared his love…to the damn bartender.

And he was wasted. So he went and passed out. And now we’re at the airport and he fell asleep in the chair next to mine. Mouth open. Snoring.

I hate my life.