1 Nov

Admit you love Facebook.  Go ahead, admit it.  You don’t have to hide it from me.  I know that you go on there every day and you look for that one friend you have that you don’t really like very much but feel guilty about unfriending.  Only if you unfriended her then you’d miss her dumb ass posts about how miserable her life is.  Or seeing the pictures of her ginger kid – the ginger kid who has no soul, because he is a ginger.  Or perhaps it’s when she posts a quote or someecard and just adds “just sayin” at least ten times per week.  Or maybe you’d miss seeing the posts about how hot it is when a mom has tattoos.  That’s totally hot – to other Walmart shoppers.

There’s this one chick who I want to reach through my screen and punch every single day.  She has the shittiest life ever.  Based on her posts she never ever sleeps and someone is out to get her.  How do I know?  I have proof.  With posts like:

  • The gloves have come off…no more Mr. Niceguy…
  • Karma is a bitch…but I am a bigger one
  • Love many…trust few…
  • I’m walking away a winner…walking back into my life…
  • When it rains it pours…
  • Working on hour *118…ugh insomnia sucks
  • Hello again, insomnia.  It’s been awhile but I knew you’d be back… 😦
  • It never fails…
  • Let go of the past cause it doesn’t matter.  The only thing that matters is who you choose to be now.  Wounds heal.  Scars fade.  Life goes on. [Then shut the fuck up and stop posting shit no one cares about!!]
  • Miserable is such an understatement to describe how I feel…ugh I am beyond over this… 😦
  • This sucks worse than I ever imagine…ugh

It actually brought me joy to see that her basement flooded and her power went off during the storm.  Further evidence the world hates her.

For the love of the sweet baby Jesus and all of the little angels who hailed his arrival!! (I’m an atheist by the way)  If life is that fucking bad get some therapy, don’t post about it on Facebook!  The only thing you accomplish is getting people to roll their eyes and say, “what the fuck is up with her??”  And by the way, what’s up with all the “…”?  How about taking some of that negative energy and focusing it on learning punctuation?

Admit you kind of want to slap her, don’t you?

5 Responses to “”

  1. Erica November 1, 2012 at 9:47 am #

    I loved this post. My friend and I text one another one girls name whenever we see insane posts she puts up, we know that means to go immediately to her page, read it then comment to one another about what a mess she is. When Thanksgiving comes around, we are thankful for her and her idiotic posts.

  2. rojukene November 1, 2012 at 9:56 am #

    1) Suggest therapy to her, she might not even realize how bad it is. As someone who has had severe depression I can confirm that when you’re in The Hole, it doesn’t even occur to you that life does NOT have to feel like it does.
    2) Hide her from your news feed. You don’t have to delete her this way and her miserable life will not bring you down any longer. If you still have the urge to feel all smug and superior, you can always visit her profile page and knock yourself out.

    Blogging about it in such a passive-aggressive way is just… lame. And no, I definitely don’t want to slap her.

  3. americanbridget November 1, 2012 at 10:33 am #

    Amen sista! Well spoken on behalf of all of us who want to slap like-minded friends.

  4. My Dating Hangovers November 1, 2012 at 10:45 am #

    Hahahaha!!! This post is right on time because I was just thinking about unfriending the one who kept requesting me, I kept saying no, they requested again and finally I accepted. But guess what? She has NOTHING to say, rarely posts and is one of those who likely just wanted to be nosy.

    Then there’s the other one I want to delete becaise she’s just an idiot. She’s the type who ALWAYS changes her name to some dumb shit trying to be creative. Instead of being Marie Smith she’s MarieDontPlayThat or MarieMeMe or MarieFuckMyLife. Hate it because I wonder if my shit has been hacked and a new friend was added I know nothing about! She has been close to deletion many times, but just as you said, I sometimes will go view an update for a good laugh and to share her retardedness with others. Life is bad- blah blah blah. My job sucks-blah blah blah. My neighbors are stupid- blah blah blah.

    I think we keep them around for blog material. 🙂

  5. Black Unicorn November 4, 2012 at 8:03 am #

    I love watching trashy people’s lives fall apart over facebook it’s just so funny. I have one friend who’s been engaged to three different guys over the past two years, none of whom she’s married, and spends most of her posts bitching about how crap they are or how she feels guilty for cheating. Or posting selfies with her fried hair and fake tan. Makes me feel so much better about myself.

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