Taylor Swift and I have so much in common

27 Oct

That’s it!  I knew it!!  I freaking knew it!!  Proof positive that there is something horribly wrong with me – which explains my perpetual singleton-ness.  So let me spell out what happened to confirm that I have some strange vibe that repels all men (aside from those who are married, emotionally retarded, or too young).  Obviously Taylor Swift and I have a lot in common.  Sure, sure, I don’t date people like a Kennedy, or John Mayer, or Jake Gyllenhall, or anyone at all.  Nor can I carry a tune or look like a Barbie doll.  But whatever.  I can totally relate to her.  Clearly Taylor Swift isn’t the only one who has trouble with relationships.

There’s this girl at work who I’m friends with on Facebook.  We’ve spoken a few times and share a love for Wegmans.  That seams about it.  This isn’t one of those regular coworkers that you’re like, “she’s cool as shit”.  She’s one of those, “Jesus, she is freaking weird.”  Take her Facebook page as evidence.  When I see statuses like:

  • “My two great loves, boyfriend and beach…brought to you by the letter B.”
  • “…is having a serious love affair with brown rice these days. :-)”
  • “Whole wheat pancakes and organic strawberries for breakfast. :)”
  • “…and honey went old school and watched The Addams Family last night. I forgot how much I loved that movie!!!! :-)”

It reminds me that I have an exciting life.  True my life isn’t filled with whole wheat pancakes or brown rice, but it’s pretty good.  She spends most of her time writing about yoga, organic food, and her boyfriend.

He’s a weird one too.  He’s the type of guy that as soon as you look at him you think, “he’s got a Disney credit card and he is WAY too into Star Wars.”  My guess is he played a lot of Dungeons and Dragons or Magic the Gathering growing up.  Just a feeling.  Her cover photo is of Tinkerbell, her profile pictures if of her new Hello Kitty tattoo, AND her first trip with her boyfriend was to a Star Trek convention…where they BOTH dressed up.  And they didn’t dress up like awesome characters, they dressed up as lame ass characters from some obscure episode or some shit.  Not cool.

On the way to Atlantic City (notice that I wrote “on the way” and not “in”) yesterday they got engaged.  I know because Facebook tells me so.

Meanwhile, I’m like, WHAT THE FUCK!  How does someone as weird as she is have a fiance and I can’t get a normal date to save my life.  There’s only one possible explanation: I was kidnapped by aliens at some point in my life and they’ve done something to me that repels normal men.

For reals though, I think it’s time to just get a bunch of fucking cats, learn how to knit, start drinking tea, carrying Vera Bradley bags and just giving up.

3 Responses to “Taylor Swift and I have so much in common”

  1. Red October 27, 2012 at 6:36 pm #

    See, but the thing is, you don’t want to be engaged to that guy. So in this particular case, she’s engaged and you’re not because they were lucky enough to each find the one who’s the right kind of freak.

    If you haven’t heard Taylor Swift’s “Dear John” – presumed to be about John Mayer – look it up. Or don’t. It might not be your speed. But I love that she put it out there.

  2. ifUseekAmy October 28, 2012 at 3:22 pm #

    I agree with Red. You can look at it as she took that freak off the market and saved the rest of us. I will always choose being single than settle for some weirdo.

    I’m a few points shy of the giving up point…I have one cat, know how to knit very basic stitches, enjoy tea. I do not, however, own any Vera Bradley bags. 🙂

  3. Running on CPT November 23, 2012 at 5:41 pm #

    The pickings out there are so slim; you are not a freak. Don’t compromise and settle for someone that annoys you. And you don’t need a cat collection and a granny hobby just because you are alone. Enjoy your life, single, dating, married or whatever! I always believed that I was not the average chick and I could never be happy with some average guy. It took a lot of time and Mr. Wrongs of all varieties, but eventually I ended up married and domesticated with the man who was right for me. It happens – stay fun and don’t get bitter!

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