You, Sir, Are a Major A-hole

23 May

Jesus Harold Christ!  What the hell is wrong with people??  FOR THE LOVE!!

Sure, maybe it has something to do with the fact that I’m PMSing.  OR maybe it has something to do with people being assholes.

So get this.  Being the stupid idiot that I am I decided to put my dating profile back on the interwebs.  Why?  Because my ovaries cry for a baby.  That’s another story for another day.  Anyway, this time around I’ve decided to respond to they bulk of messages, even if it’s to tell them we’re not compatible.

This evening a dude with a stupid username, let’s call him DOUCHEBAG777 sent me a message.  First red flag?  The fact that the only pic on his profile is about his chest.  Second red flag?  The fact that there are so many spelling errors on his profile?  Third red flag?  The fact that we have very little in common.  For example:

  • He is a racist, I am not.
  • He is a homophobe, I am not.
  • He is a sexist, I am a woman.
  • He’s looking for a short term relationship with a woman with low self esteem, I want to punch him in the mouth even though I don’t know what his face looks like
  • He’s looking for girls anywhere from 22-45, I’m looking for dudes 34-44 and he is 52
  • He is a douche, I am not

I wrote back and said thank you for the message, I took a look at his profile and it doesn’t look like we have much in common, then I wrote, “good luck with your search.”  Usually dudes don’t respond, or the write back and say “you too.”  This guy?  He got pissed and wrote, “You’re so rude!  You didn’t even answer my question.  I asked you why you moved.”

Dear DOUCHEBAG777, it’s no wonder you’re single.  You dick.

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4 Responses to “You, Sir, Are a Major A-hole”

  1. Traci May 23, 2012 at 10:35 pm #

    I just wanted to say, misery is thankful for company! It seems your posts are picking up just when my early 40 yo self is back on the market. And there’s just no FREAKING way I have enough fortitude to go another round with the online sites. Yet, currently too broke to start loading up on, say, classes where I might meet someone who ‘shares one of my interests.’ This came across my path this week as well:
    http://m.aol.com/metrics/idgen/?domain=m.aol.com

    That should go to another bloggers drawing of the online dating viscious cycle.

    I did end up going to an IT (my field) social networking event. If it weren’t improper to taint my best career prospects with romantic interests, that seemed more hopeful, and tolerable, than any official dating event. Unfortunately, I also need a career change….so I have spare money to take ‘interest classes.’. WHEN is the phase where I get to go home and just enjoy the company already there? This is a great time for my married friends to complain they don’t have that either!

    May the madness end for you soon. Until then – thanks so much for sharing!

  2. Staci May 24, 2012 at 8:09 am #

    I do the same thing to myself, too. You think that if you come back to online dating, surely there must be ONE great guy that you can weed out. Reality strikes when the best message you get is a four word sentence about your boobs. Sheesh.

  3. ron May 24, 2012 at 11:37 am #

    thank you so much for posting again…I missed it.

  4. Chicago-Style Girl May 28, 2012 at 1:31 am #

    Just when I was about to start online dating, I met my husband. I guess I’ll live vicariously through you and all the crazy stories sure to come out of this.

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