Because I’m 12

23 May

It’s no surprise to you that I snicker at stupid and immature stuff all the time.  Most of the day it requires tremendous effort on my part not to yell “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID” any time someone makes an inadvertent sexual comment.  I’ll be honest.  Sometimes I can’t control myself.

For example, in my monthly meeting with my boss the other day, she was talking about ways I could improve at work and how I could set myself apart from the rest of my peers and distinguish myself.  At the end of her suggestions, she added, “those are some things you can do to get on top.  Trust me.  Being on top feels great.”  I mean really.  How can you expect me to not say anything with that??  She basically laid it out for me for God’s sake (just like your mom).

Last night I went to a yoga class for the first time in a year.  For the bulk of the time I was busy silently cursing the instructor because he was one of those militant yoga teachers.  Yoga is supposed to be about mind and body and listening to what your body tells you.  You’re not supposed to force yourself into positions if they cause pain (that’s what she said) – guess he missed that day in yoga teacher school.  Man, it was brutal.  I hated the whole entire class, right up until the moment when the girl across from me farted.  Full on farted.

Picture it.  The room is quiet, there’s some low yoga-ish music playing in the background.  We’re all trying to force ourselves into poses.  We’re in two lines, so the people in front of me are facing me.  And suddenly the silence is broken with a giant fart.

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to hold a yoga pose when you’re trying not to laugh?

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3 Responses to “Because I’m 12”

  1. Melissa May 23, 2012 at 11:01 pm #

    A friend of mine told me she says, “I know a girl like that” in place of That’s what she said. It works just about every time and seems a lot funnier. Give it a whirl. lol

  2. Chicago-Style Girl May 28, 2012 at 1:26 am #

    I hate yoga classes where they’re not about focusing on your own practice. It’s not supposed to be an all-star show or a competition, people! But I’ve never had someone fart loudly in class before. Did she at least look embarrassed?

  3. suelinhess July 5, 2012 at 12:36 pm #

    my neighbors full-on HATE me right now because I am reading this and SCREAMING with laughter. Thank you!!!!

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