Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures

22 May

Ever notice how when something goes shitty in life then one of two things happens: either something even more shitty happens, or the universe send you a lifeline.  I got a mix of the two today.  Shitty, because of who it’s from.  Lifeline because it’s a reminder of how fucking amazing I am.

Get this.  No, really, GET THIS!!  My ass should be a natural treasure, because you know why?  When dudes tap it they get totally hypnotized and can’t let go and four fucking years later they still email and text you and try to get you to sleep with them.  You know who I’m talking about?  Yeah, you know who I’m talking about.  3 fucking D.

It’s been two months since the last exchange of text messages, and out of the blue he sends me a message.  I’ll admit, I’m in a vulnerable place so I go ahead and respond.  Check out the messages below (he’s in the white bubbles, and I’m the green).


Can you fucking believe that shit??

4 Responses to “Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures”

  1. jewcypulp May 22, 2012 at 9:14 pm #

    You are NOT that desperate. He is a gap-toothed freak show. The only thing he has going for him is a hot bod and even THAT isn’t worth it when you’d have to deal with his psycho ass. I Will Hurt Him!

    Love you. Even though you’re a dirty whore.

    • Catherinette May 22, 2012 at 9:23 pm #

      I’d rather stick my hand in a meat grinder.

  2. Douchegirl May 23, 2012 at 10:17 pm #

    “you make me laugh. And hard” how romantic

  3. Chicago-Style Girl May 28, 2012 at 1:24 am #

    Gotta give him points for keeping it real. At least he’s not wooing with full intentions of pulling the rug out from under you when another butterfly catches his eye.

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