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21 May

You know what’s awesome?

When, after years, of not really liking anyone you finally meet someone and you click. Okay, so maybe you’ve known each other for a little while, and you didn’t consider them, but then something changes. And he pursues you, but you’re kind of stupid to notice until he makes some overt comment, so you’re like, “Whoa. What a minute. Does he like me?” And then you’re like, “Yeah, he does like me.” But you think you don’t like him so you don’t do anything only to realize that you kind of do like him.

That’s kind of awesome.

And then he invites you to go on a trip with him because he won some award at work, but you say no because you committed yourself to a baby shower for a really close friend of yours. But really part of the reason you said no is because you don’t want him to see your fat thighs in a swimsuit and you don’t want all your friends to know what’s going on until you figure out. And you would totally bail on the baby shower but your friend would be devastated so instead of going off to a luxury vacation in the tropics you eat crab cakes and cupcakes and stuff two dozen balloons in the back of your Toyota Corolla and almost kill yourself.

But leading up to his trip stuff kind of starts happening and it almost feels like this could be the beginning of something instead of the beginning of nothing. Like after you go to brunch with some friends and suddenly he kicks the text messages into high gear. And you’re like, “Is this happening? This totally might happen.” And suddenly he makes comments about how you’re beautiful and you’re interesting. And then a few weekends later you’re at a baseball game together and he is ALL OVER you and he is super handsy and even your friend makes a comment about what’s up with you and you’re like, “NOTHING!” even though you totally hope there is something there. And he brings up the trip again and what a bummer it is that you can’t go and how after you said no he asked two other girls to go but he was flying solo and you’re like, “thank God,” in your own mind so you tell him you will totally go next year and he’s like, “Deal!”

Then you get home and the text messages start up again and he starts telling you about how he bought this outfit for the next brunch because he knows you’d like it, and he talks about his upcoming birthday and how he totally wants to get on you and you think, “Wait. Does he just want to sleep with me?” But you think, “No, because if that was the case he wouldn’t tell you you’re beautiful or drop $150+ on a pair of fucking seersucker pants,” that he knows you’d like. So you’re like almost over the moon and kind of swooning a little bit and you start wondering about your first date and when you’re gonna make out and you think, “Maybe I’ll offer to take him out on his birthday in July” but you don’t say anything because you don’t want him to know you like him. And it’s totally going well in your mind.

But then it all falls to shit.

So the time comes for him to leave on his trip and there was this kind of strange exchange via text message like two days before the trip and he just stops all together. So you just chalk it up to him getting ready to go while you’re secretly analyzing every single fucking word you wrote in your last message. Then he’s off while you stay here to get ready to go to that damn shower and you think he’s off tanning at the beach all by his lonesome because that’s what he told you like a week and a half before he left.

AND THEN you find out that he asked someone else to go on the trip and he neglected to tell you, which kind of explains why he stopped texting you like two days before he left on his trip when you were wondering what was up. But you’re pissed because he didn’t happen to mention it in the week leading up to his departure when he was busy telling you how much fun you would have had if you were together on the trip and did you think that maybe that fun could happen back here. And you’re also pissed because the way you found out is because you happen to check out his facebook page and see a comment from some random girl who said she couldn’t wait for the trip. And you just happen to click on her page and oh, guess what? It’s open so you can stalk her. And you totally do because you’re dying to know what the fuck is up and why he hadn’t mentioned anything to you about her. But at the same time it’s not like he owed anything to you because it’s not like you were dating and you wouldn’t have told him if you were with someone else. Except for you’re kidding yourself because you totally would have said something to see his reaction but he didn’t say anything so you’re so confused and you don’t understand what the hell happened.

So the days go by and you don’t say anything to anyone because you feel like a total loser for falling into this whole mess. And at the same time you wondered if you misjudged her going on the trip and maybe they’re just friends. And you’re totally hoping he reaches out to you when he gets back from his trip. So the day comes and goes and there’s no message from him, so you’re totally bummed out and you kind of want to cry but you think he’s too big of a jerk to deserve any of your tears but you kind of can’t help yourself because you were so excited for something to happen and now that something is totally nothing. So maybe you shed a couple of tears and then you eat a bag of chips to make yourself feel better.

Then you wake up the next morning and you think, “Fuck him!” and you give yourself a pep talk. Which works for a few hours, but then, when you’re home alone you start going down that path again and you’re wondering what’s up with that whore faced whore who went with him. So you just go ahead and stalk her facebook page. And on that page, on that horrible awful facebook page that is like lemon juice to the papercuts in your ego you see a picture. A picture from a trip YOU should have gone on. Her cover picture on her facebook page is of the two of them snuggling up on one another.

That is totally not awesome.

And then you blog about it.

True fucking story.