Further Proof That I’m an Idiot

1 Mar

I hate my own stupidity, I really do.  Beyond idiotic sometimes.  Hey, Oingo Boingo, this one’s for you…

I logged onto Google chat today for the first time in months and months.  A message immediately popped up saying, “Hey, stranger.”  I saw the message and the name and immediately started typing.  After all, I just love Claude!  He’s such a delight.  So we’re messaging for a few minutes and I casually ask him how his new dog is doing.  “Doggy?” He asks.  “Yeah, didn’t your folks get that puppy?”  To which he replies, “Do you know who this is?”

That’s when I look at the name and realize it doesn’t say Claude.  Oh, no.  No it does not.  It just so happens that it’s a dude who has the SAME fucking last name as Claude and who’s first name looks like Claude.  When I realize this, I immediately think, “Fuck.  FUCK!  Fuckity fuck fuck fuck me.”

Who is it, you want to know.  It just so happens it’s a dude who I totally ditched.  Ditched hard…

Several months ago this guy started chatting me up on OK Cupid.  He seemed fine, so I agreed to meet him for a drink.  After all, it’s not like I have dudes knocking down my door these days.  Plus I can actually feel my ovaries shrinking and each month I can hear my eggs weeping as they die.  It’s a sad sad state of affairs.

Shortly after agreeing to go out with him, I find out that he knows Oingo Boingo.  So like any other chick on the face of the earth, I immediately go into stealth mode and start peppering Oingo Boingo with questions.  I was out with his wife, Jersey Belle, and we started texting about it.  As soon as we started asking him, he started laughing at him.  As I recall his response was, “You’re going to hate him.  I can’t wait to read the blog post.”  I, of course, ran for the hills.

The dude would write to me and I would promptly delete all of his emails.  So months later, here we are again and he’s no IMing me.  Fuck me.

It would be really nice if I was mature enough to say, “I’m an asshole, sorry for doing that.”  Instead I took the cop out pussy way out.  I told him my brother-in-law had been ill, I’ve been in Baltimore every weekend, and I’m working a lot.  Lies.  I just lied to him.  Why?  Because I’m an ass.  It’s no wonder I’m single.  You know he had to throw out the “are you seeing anyone” question, and clearly I’m wasn’t going to tell him the truth.  Instead I went ahead and told him I had been seeing someone for about 2 months and we met at work.

I believe we’ve all learned a lesson here: and that lesson is to never ever allow people in your chat list unless you actually want to talk to them.


5 Responses to “Further Proof That I’m an Idiot”

  1. Jewcy Bits March 1, 2012 at 9:54 pm #

    Full proof way he’ll never contacted you again: Tell him you’re dating the doctor you met at the VD clinic. He’s hot, you get free drug samples AND free condoms. Bonus!!!

    • Catherinette March 1, 2012 at 9:59 pm #

      Damn it!! I should have thought of that!!

  2. rojukene March 2, 2012 at 7:40 am #

    So… am I not reading it right or you really never even once went out with the dude? Just because some other male told you that you probably wouldn’t like him? :O

    I mean… men usually aren’t the best judges of what their wives’ friends like in a guy.

  3. fragrantelephant March 2, 2012 at 12:26 pm #

    Poor Sounds-like-Claude! Poor Catherinette! Poor Catherinette’s ovaries and egg!

  4. Weissdorn March 2, 2012 at 3:23 pm #

    They say everyone is only six people removed from knowing someone really famous. Dang. I only got to know the guy who made Oingo Boingo’s videos. Pushed the buttons on the camera and opened his bottle of German beer.

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