Be Still, My Teenage Heart

21 Jan

Twilight is one of the stupidest franchises in the history of ever.  I hate everything about it.  Everything.  I tried to get into it, I really did.  Love the whole Vampire thing.  “True Blood” is one of my favorite shows, I rarely miss an episode.  The first “Underworld” movie is one of those that I could sit through over and over again.  So when I heard about “Twilight” I thought I’d give it a shot.  Yes, I knew it had been written for teenagers, but I had read and loved the entire “Harry Potter” series and loved every single word.

Here’s the problem with Twilight: it’s written from the point of view of a whiny teenager who just mopes around.  Nothing happens in the first part of the book.  Nothing.  A friend of mine had read it and loved it and I kept asking her, “when does it start getting good.”  She should have said, “never” because that would have been the right answer.  As soon as I got to the part where his skin is glittering in sunlight when they’re in a meadow, I shut the book and though, “Fuck this, I’m out.”

Fuck you, Stephenie Meyer, you write drivel.  Also, your name is spelled wrong.

My inner teenager died a little with that whole Twilight thing.  It cried, and then committed suicide for having been exposed to it.  The last thing I ever expected was to give another shot to stuff intended for a much young audience.  Yeah, yeah, I know I have an unnatural fascination with Big Time Rush (I blame my nephew).  And it’s not like I’m buying concert tickets and putting posters of Logan Henderson on my wall.

You can imagine my delight when a friend of mine recommended The Hunger Games, and I took her advice.  Obsessed.  Totally obsessed.  Yes, it’s totally like a teenage version of The Running Man, but who the hell cares.  Peeta Mellark is in it and I heart him.  You can bet your sweet ass I’m going to buy myself a mockingjay pin and I’ll see the movies when they hit the theaters.

You can also bet your ass that I’m totally team Peeta and I think Josh Hutcherson is a tiny dreamboat.

Yours, Mrs. Peeta Mellark.

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13 Responses to “Be Still, My Teenage Heart”

  1. joannakreed January 21, 2012 at 4:44 pm #

    I liked the first hunger games book. The second was OK. The third I got half way through and felt like it was a lame creative writing essay that went on too long. And I know its ‘young adult’ fiction but there were just times when it was so blatently ‘young adult’ that I thought even if I were a young adult I’d be insulted. I’ve never understood the whole Twilight thing. I read the first book to see what the fuss was about. It was OK but not ‘stand in the effing cold waiting for a movie ticket’ worthy. Guess its on to Game of Thrones as soon as there aren’t 6000 people on the waitlist at the library.

    • Catherinette January 21, 2012 at 4:47 pm #

      Download them on audible and put them on while you’re trying to ignore the kids. They’re easier to get through and they seem more dramatic and excitement. -CS

  2. Lisa Krajcik January 21, 2012 at 4:57 pm #

    I devoured The Hunger Games trilogy inside of 1 week. <3'd it!! TEAM PEETA!!!

    • Catherinette January 21, 2012 at 5:14 pm #

      YEAH! You know what I’m talking about!! -CS

  3. myonepreciouslife January 22, 2012 at 4:06 pm #

    I’ll admit that I attacked both the Twilight series and the Hunger Games series each over a long weekend and was briefly addicted to both. But when I finished the Twilight series, I was left feeling dumber and also worried that it might leave teenage girls thinking that possessive stalker behaviour was romantic. Finishing the Hunger Games series made me feel like I had something interesting to think about for a while. Perhaps there is still hope for youth fiction.

  4. A.J. Carroll January 22, 2012 at 5:29 pm #

    HATE Twilight/ LOVE Underworld!!! Your being listed a blog I am currently writing giving out little “fun” awards 🙂

  5. fragrantelephant January 23, 2012 at 3:08 pm #

    Underworld rocked and so did The Hunger Games.

    You’ve seen LDS Sparkledammerung, right? (http://stoney321.livejournal.com/317176.html?page=3) It rips Twilight to itty-bitty pieces. Waaaay better than the actual books, not that I read them…

  6. Lisa Krajcik January 24, 2012 at 10:05 am #

    I simply cannot slam Twilight..for I am a Twihard. I know the books are not written well; I know the movies are cheesy.. and yet I don’t give a damn. I take what I want from it and make it mine.

  7. mo January 24, 2012 at 9:26 pm #

    I was disturbed by Twilight because it glorifies throwing your life away on a guy that is bad for you. Ditto again C’ette!:)

  8. mo January 24, 2012 at 9:27 pm #

    oh… and another thing….. Hunger Games– can’t wait.

  9. Susie January 25, 2012 at 7:07 am #

    TEAM PEETA ALL THE WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope the movie rocks my world. Because quite frankly, I pissed myself silly watching the last Twilight. Granted a bottle of wine was involved, but come on- talking wolves?

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