My Hatred Knows No Bounds

11 Jan

There are certain people in this world who are deserving of our hate.  People who do horrible things like Hitler and Pol Pot.  People who abuse their positions of power and hurt children.  People who make us think they love us and then run around our backs fathering children.  But the worst type of person around, the one who deserves to be shunned and glared at, is the skinny bitch who can eat whatever she wants, never has to work out, and always maintains a thin frame.

God do I hate those bitches.

If I so much as glance at a hamburger the wrong way my pants start feeling tighter.  Like many women, I’ve struggled with weight most of my life.  While I’m not Shamu-obese, I could easily stand to lose at least 20 pounds – that amount of weight would ensure my doctor doesn’t roll her eyes at me.  Yes, I know there is a direct correlation between watching what you eat, exercising, and maintaining a healthy weight.  I also know that I hate working out and I’m much rather sit on my couch eating cookies and watching repeats of Toddlers and Tiaras.

So what’s a girl to do? (Other than get off her fat ass and take a walk)

A few months ago I joined Weight Watchers.  The final straw was when none of my pants fit, not even with a girl’s best friend: Spanx.  So far, so good.  I lost at least 10 pounds and don’t feel like a huge hog, but this roll in my middle is starting to get old.  Sure, it’s great for resting my arms every once in awhile, but I’m sick of having to try to shove my muffin top in my pants every time I sit down.  No like.  NO LIKE!

Instead of getting up and doing something about it, I’m instead going to sit here and seethe with rage while I think about some skinny skank inhaling a hamburger and then bitching about how she can’t seem to go from a size 4 to a size 6.  Fuck you, you skinny ass whore.

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7 Responses to “My Hatred Knows No Bounds”

  1. Just Me With . . . January 11, 2012 at 8:22 pm #

    Yeah, I’m laughing, out loud. I hate the ones who say they can only eat half a bagel. Half.

    • Catherinette January 11, 2012 at 8:31 pm #

      I’d like to take the other half of their bagel, wait for a day or two until it gets rock hard, then throw it at them. Bitches. -CS

  2. Slut-Cola January 11, 2012 at 9:54 pm #

    This is why I follow your blog. AMEN! Oh to shove their skinny asses down the stairs…wouldn’t that be fun? With a platter of bagels and donuts! Well, maybe not the donuts. We can save those for us. MUHHAHAHAHAHA!

  3. AmericanBridget January 11, 2012 at 10:59 pm #

    I used to be that skinny arse whore. And then I hit 30 and my metabolism caught up with my arse. At 35 I’m trying to beat this gawd awful battle of the bulge and the muffin top. I’ve cut back on my carb intake which is hard considering I’m not much of a meat eater and I’m allergic to nuts and those are supposed to be the best thing to snack on. Damn mother nature and aging. Damn her. And screw those natural, perpetual skinny bitches who have to do nothing to maintain their girlish figures.

  4. Hookdntx January 12, 2012 at 10:05 am #

    I like to comfort myself with the fact that my genetics will allow me to out live the skinny skanks and that should there be a massive food crisis, these folks will die out sooner.

    Here’s to the women who are built for hard labor and famine!

  5. hamster January 12, 2012 at 12:58 pm #

    I’m going to transform into a nice plump watermelon with legs when I hit 30, thanks to my family genes. I can’t wait.

  6. Melanie January 12, 2012 at 3:56 pm #

    I was always that skinny whore. Until about 8 years ago. Then I gained a bit of weight. Everyone always said “it will catch up to you.” It did. My metabolism left me. It didn’t just slow down.

    Fortunately or unfortunately I went through the cheating lying husband diet and lost 20 pounds in about a month. Sure, I was sick and my hair thinned and my teeth hurt and my nails suffered. But I was thinner right? Ughhh…

    I’m back to a maintable weight now but I damn sure watch what I eat and I exercise until I hate myself but if I didn’t I would look like a beached whale. Plus, I know how to dress to hide it all. 🙂

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