There are certain people in this world who are deserving of our hate. People who do horrible things like Hitler and Pol Pot. People who abuse their positions of power and hurt children. People who make us think they love us and then run around our backs fathering children. But the worst type of person around, the one who deserves to be shunned and glared at, is the skinny bitch who can eat whatever she wants, never has to work out, and always maintains a thin frame.
God do I hate those bitches.
If I so much as glance at a hamburger the wrong way my pants start feeling tighter. Like many women, I’ve struggled with weight most of my life. While I’m not Shamu-obese, I could easily stand to lose at least 20 pounds – that amount of weight would ensure my doctor doesn’t roll her eyes at me. Yes, I know there is a direct correlation between watching what you eat, exercising, and maintaining a healthy weight. I also know that I hate working out and I’m much rather sit on my couch eating cookies and watching repeats of Toddlers and Tiaras.
So what’s a girl to do? (Other than get off her fat ass and take a walk)
A few months ago I joined Weight Watchers. The final straw was when none of my pants fit, not even with a girl’s best friend: Spanx. So far, so good. I lost at least 10 pounds and don’t feel like a huge hog, but this roll in my middle is starting to get old. Sure, it’s great for resting my arms every once in awhile, but I’m sick of having to try to shove my muffin top in my pants every time I sit down. No like. NO LIKE!
Instead of getting up and doing something about it, I’m instead going to sit here and seethe with rage while I think about some skinny skank inhaling a hamburger and then bitching about how she can’t seem to go from a size 4 to a size 6. Fuck you, you skinny ass whore.