What’s Your Status?

4 Jan

How I love Facebook.  I LOVE IT!  Can you hear me??  I LOVE FACEBOOK!  If I could, I would marry it in a simple ceremony by the sea, surrounded by my closest friends and family.  Then, after a year or two of wedded bliss, we’d start a family and I’d have little Facebook babies.

Last night I got a phone call from Un-boyfriend.  He was calling me to gossip – something he rarely does.  In fact, in the 14+ years I’ve known him, I think he’s only done that a handful of times.  He wanted to know what had happened to an old friend of us, the peppiest girl on the planet.  Apparently her marriage had fallen apart and she had played the whole thing out on her Facebook wall.  Clearly there was only one thing for me to do: friend her immediately.

Within three minutes of sending it, she accepted my friend request.  Two minutes later I began looking at her Facebook wall.  It’s amazing.  AMAZING!  She has a new boyfriend and is planning on moving to North Carolina to be with him.  According to her status updates, the divorce with her now ex-husband was pretty ugly and she had to have witnesses testify in court.  There were three witnesses who were on her side.  And the judge ruled in her favor.  He was the coldest man on earth.  How do I know?  She wrote it on Facebook.

I love it when people over share.  Yes it’s true I hate reading about people’s kids (unless the kids are bad or funny), their beliefs on God, how grumpy they are, how much they hate work, their cleaning habits, or any time anyone writes “LOL.”  But when people air their dirty laundry, it makes my heart sing.  It’s amazing.  I spent a good hour scrolling through all her posts so I could see all the stupid drama.  Wonderful way to spend a Tuesday night.

Unfortunately, her posts about the ugly divorce were spread all over and I was forced to endure her peppy posts about hope, love, energy, blah, blah, gag.  I hate it when people write that type of shit.  Imagine a friend who’s status updates look like:

Good morning, Monday! I’m ready for you.  Bring it!

Or

For the first time in a long time I have my Jenny-Jen mojo back!!! Look out, world, I’m coming for you!!!! Yipeeeeee!!!!!

Or

Ready for all the adventures bring this weekend cuz I’m going to be with my sweetie!!!!!

Did you vomit?  You wanted to.  Didn’t you?  you can admit it.  Want to know what’s even worse?  There was an exchange where one of her friends invited her over for dinner, but she was unable to attend.  She actually wrote, “crap-a-doo”.  She wrote that.  She WROTE that!  A grown woman wrote “crap-a-doo”.

For the love of the baby Jesus in the manger, promise me you’ll never do that.

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11 Responses to “What’s Your Status?”

  1. alfred lives here (@alfredliveshere) January 4, 2012 at 10:18 am #

    Ohmygawd, I love this post so much…. so true! I love reading the gossipy stuff on facebook, and on the twitter, it is like looking in someone’s window as I walk by, with no chance of being caught… and I hate the kids school pics, the “I am eating a sandwich” type updates… skip that, go for the dirt! Woo hoo!

    • Catherinette January 4, 2012 at 10:22 pm #

      It’s like free entertainment!! -CS

  2. marinasleeps January 4, 2012 at 12:23 pm #

    Ha ha ….
    The way you feel about Facebook is the way I feel about Twitter.
    Its a love that I can only share in song….
    “How do I live without you, I want to know, How do I breathe without you if you ever go!!!”

    I love Twitter except when people start to get all god is cool and when old lady bitch about everything!!!!

    But thats what the unfollow button is for!!
    Perfect!!!

    • Catherinette January 4, 2012 at 10:22 pm #

      Twitter is also amazing! There are so many people that bitch about the dumbest things. It completes me. -CS

  3. joannakreed January 4, 2012 at 10:18 pm #

    Hmm anyone I know? 🙂 Gossip loves company. Or something like that.

    • Catherinette January 4, 2012 at 10:21 pm #

      Nay, you don’t know her. She’s one of my MD friends. Or I should say, one of my ex-coworkers from MD I never really liked. -CS

  4. Michele January 4, 2012 at 10:30 pm #

    I love you because it’s like you’re reading what I’m thinking. For realz.

    • Catherinette January 4, 2012 at 10:42 pm #

      And I love you because you think what I’m writing. 🙂 -CS

  5. Erica January 5, 2012 at 10:22 am #

    OMG I love this! So true, I get really excited when people write about all the drama of their lives on FB, I cringe with embarassment for them but I’m sucked in. Yay for the crazy people in the world!

    And lastly, I hate a happy post like that too. I have friends that are a couple and live together and fill their FB pages with comments to their significant other “I love you”, etc. Really do you need to put that on there? Don’t you see them when you go home? Isn’t that enough? Just say it in person. Ugh!!!!!!!

  6. misshaychv2012 January 7, 2012 at 9:48 pm #

    Couldn’t agree more. I have a love/hate thing going on with FB. I have this skanky little exchange-student on my list and her updates can be quite entertaining. From whinging about blackouts ruining her DVD watching plans (#firstworldproblems) to lamenting about going to the mall and possibly running into her ex and his new girlfriend. Now I empathise with the last one there – but I don’t post it. Clear cry of “poor lil’ ol’ me”.

    As to what I can’t stand (in addition to your points)? Ambigous updates making observations about the world and people in it, that are clearly aimed at specific people. Grow some balls and tell people to their face. Or don’t say anything at all.

  7. Single & Blogging It January 12, 2012 at 1:32 pm #

    Excellent post! I know a guy who constantly posts about his awesome run outside…then proceeds to lie about his pace. And I’ve called him out on it before! Duh! He also posts every five seconds about something stupid. I also can’t stand people that write “Sarah is wondering…” as their status. OMG – could you beg for attention MORE? The drama statuses are awesome (since I’d never post anything like that) and I also like statuses that are clever observations. If one more person posts their schedule for the day, I’m going to puke!

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