Archive | 10:42 am

The Biggest Douche Bag on the Planet: Part 5

22 Dec

Okay, folks, we’ve reached the final installment in the story of my uncle’s douche baggery.  Yes, there are others I can share with you, but I think this one really sums up his existence. In this final installment there’s no bigamy, incest, cheating, etc.  Instead, we focus on his cruelty and lack of kindness (which are pretty much the same because you can’t be cruel if you’re kind.  Even though that song says you have to cruel to be kind in the right measure.  That’s a load of bullshit.).

Okay, so my uncle just told his grandson he basically hated and never wanted to talk to him again.  Victim #1 tells him she can’t talk to him anymore because he’s an asshole.  About a month later they make up and they become friends again.  And by friends I mean he’s still a dick to her and she goes ahead and takes care of him.

Recently, we found out some sad news.  She is in the advanced stages of colon cancer, and her chances of recovering are very slim.  The family is preparing for the worst, and in his typical fashion, my uncle is being a douche bag.  Seriously, this is the most awful thing I have ever heard.

Sunday my mom got a call from my cool cousin.  Victim #1 was rushed to the hospital, and she wasn’t doing very well.  She was having difficulty breathing, and there were problems with her lungs.  Not good stuff.  Not at all.  She then proceeds to tell my mom my uncle showed up to the hospital.  But instead of offering any kind of support he did the following…

He told Victim #1 that she needed to know that he had never loved her – not even when they were married, and that she had meant nothing to him.  Then, he turned to his daughter and said that since what he had had with Victim #1 meant nothing to him, that he had never really thought of her as his daughter and never would.  He told them it was important for them to understand that he didn’t love them, and never had.  He was completely stunned when they asked him to leave the room.  After all, what he had told them was for their own good.

Can you fucking believe that??  This woman is literally on her deathbed and he waltzes is and announces that she means nothing to him.  Have you ever heard anything so cruel in your entire life??

My mom talked to him this morning and told him she thought what he had done was wrong.  He, of course, thinks she doesn’t know what she’s talking about, and that it’s just her opinion.  She told him that it wasn’t just an opinion, that what he had done was cruel and heartless, and he was very cold.  AND that anyone would think that.  He just brushed it off.

Who the hell does he think he is?  More importantly, what on earth would possess him to believe that saying anything like to someone was okay – much less to someone who is DYING?

It makes me so sad for Victim #1, and my cool cousin, and my mom.  How sad and heartbreaking to care for someone who is truly heartless.  Someone who is your family but has no regard for another human being.  That must be very painful.  And still my mom feels a sense of obligation towards him.

Now get this: he actually called Victim #1 in the hospital the other day to ask her when she was being sent home.  Not that he cares about his health.  Oh no.  It’s because he has a pile of laundry to do and he doesn’t know how to work the laundry machine.  And that my friends, is the epitome of douche baggery.

Fuck him.  I hope he gets hemorrhoids and shits himself and no one finds him for days.