The Biggest Douche Bag on the Planet: Part 3

20 Dec

So my aunt decides that she’s finally had it with my uncle when she finds out he’s been having a long standing affair with one of his own relatives.  A young relative.  My uncle’s father was her grandmother’s brother.  In other words, she was his cousin’s daughter.  While it’s true he wasn’t raised with that side of the family, it’s still fucking disgusting.  Even worse?  They both knew it and they didn’t care.  She had known exactly who he was when she began pursuing  him.  She knew they were related, she knew he was married, she knew he had a family, but she didn’t care.

My aunt and my cousins were devastated when all of this came out.  My aunt acted out by dating the seediest men in Mexico.  My oldest cousin took it out by starving herself.  My middle cousin started trying to reconstruct herself with plastic surgery.  And the youngest one got out of dodge and moved to New York.  Family number three completely destroyed.

Did my uncle care?  Nope.  Of course not.  No consequences.

His relationship with the whore bag was out in public and he paraded her around like a hot trophy.  Which she was not.  She was certainly younger than him, but she was Wal-mart where my aunt had been Neiman Marcus.  My uncle began writing books with the whore bag’s encouragement.  Here’s the thing, my uncle likes to pretend he knows everything about everything, he actually believes it.  He decided to write a book about women, because he knew everything there was to know about women.  He wrote a book on mental health, because he felt like he knew a lot about it.  My mother is a well respected head shrink, she knows her stuff.  My uncle used to try to have intelligent conversations with her about psychiatry, but he didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about.  Still, he went ahead and wrote the books.  And they were published.  And this is why Mexico is still a third world country.

Whatever.  He’s stupid.  Within a few years of his moving in with whore bag, his first daughter (Victim #1’s daughter) contacted him.  She had always been curious about him, and decided to try to start a relationship with him.  I met her when I was about 22 and she is cool as shit.  The best thing that ever happened to her is that he left when he did.  She’s lucky she wasn’t raised by him.  She’s smart, she’s interesting, she’s caring, she’s funny.  Everything my other cousins are not.

She really tried to establish a connection with him, and he’s been somewhat distant.  Mainly because he’s a dick.  Over the years, he reestablished a connection with Victim #1 as well.

He’s lucky he did because Victim #1 was the one that took care of him when Whore Bag left him.

Stay tuned to find out what happens when a 40-something whore bag leaves a 70-year old douche bag penniless and broken!

2 Responses to “The Biggest Douche Bag on the Planet: Part 3”

  1. Chicago-Style Girl December 21, 2011 at 4:10 am #

    We’re up to age 70 already! Wow!
    I have to say I’m happy that I’ve stumbled upon these posts after they were written so I could read them all at once.

  2. Susie December 21, 2011 at 10:22 am #

    I swear!! Dan Savage just had a Savage Love Pod Cast about inscest love. And where, MEXICO!!!!!!!! lol…

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