Ok Cupid? More like NO-k Cupid.

6 Dec

Oh, online dating, I wish I knew how to quit you.  Why do I torture myself?  WHY?  Jesus christ you’d think by now I would have learned my lesson.  But nooooooo!  I go right back at it.  It’s kind of like a fly that keeps flying at the window – you know it’s never going to make it, and the damn thing just keeps doing it.  Stupid fly.  Stupid me.

It’s true I haven’t been on a real date since last year when I swore off all men after a particularly lame date.  BUT I did go ahead and keep a profile up on a dating site.  Why not?  If Prince Charming is out there web surfing, who am I to deny him the joy of my online dating profile?  That would just be rude.  I did it for him.  Too bad he’s too busy sexing some slut instead of looking for me.  What the hell is that about?

Meanwhile, this is the crap I’ve been dealing with.  Here are the messages I received today.  TODAY.  That is today.  Not in the last three weeks, or the last four months.  Today.  This day.  This one.

  • Hi. Your pics are so hot. Do u model?
  • Hello – Please don’t be offended by message. It is not to meant to cast any dispersions on anyone or make any judgements about anyone. For a long time I have thought it would be nice to have a discreet friendship with a younger lady. If this situation seems at all appealing to you then please check out my profile and get back to me. I will make a great friend.
  • i`d love to slide my nice cock between those perfect titties [one of my all time favorites]
  • You really sound pretty amazing.Since I think it’s a little hard to get a conversation started on here just from a profile here’s a little conversation starter/ice breaker: If you had to choose would you wear dirty underwear or dirty socks?

And this, my friends, is why I will begin looking into filling my house with cats and I will stop shaving my legs.

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12 Responses to “Ok Cupid? More like NO-k Cupid.”

  1. chris December 6, 2011 at 7:13 pm #

    The best email I ever received from okcupid was from a 48 year old man (I was 26 at the time) that said: “I bet you’d look real sexy in a short skirt.” I’m a guy. Yeah.

    • Catherinette December 6, 2011 at 7:16 pm #

      Ahahaha! That’s pretty funny. 🙂

      If it makes you feel better I did have some chick who asked me out. I declined. And then there was the transexual who told me he wanted to be the drag version of me. -CS

  2. AmericanBridget December 6, 2011 at 7:14 pm #

    Are these from Match by chance? I had the most horrible experience with that site this past summer and last winter. You’d have thought I would have learned my lesson as well, but the lure of online dating keeps pulling me into to its pathetic vortex.

    • Catherinette December 6, 2011 at 7:17 pm #

      Maybe we need to be on our own episode of Intervention and we’ll have to go to online dating rehab. -CS

  3. Jane Moneypenny December 6, 2011 at 10:09 pm #

    This is hilarious and on point for many reasons; I’ve been terrified and avoiding online dating… and was just thinking last night it was time to give into the fear. And now I’m rethinking it again.

  4. Chef Green December 6, 2011 at 10:18 pm #

    BAHAHAHAHA I love it. You should totally reply to the “dirty socks” guy. Just for fun.

  5. Alissa December 7, 2011 at 4:48 am #

    Those guys sound horrible! Have you tried other sites like POF or alt com? It’s sad but true: you have to kiss a few frogs to find a prince.

  6. rockman December 7, 2011 at 10:34 am #

    Hey, maybe the younger woman, older guy thing could work for you. Can you say “sugar daddy”.

  7. Chris December 7, 2011 at 10:20 pm #

    I hadn’t heard of OK Cupid. I joined today. I blame you.

  8. Skylers Dad December 8, 2011 at 5:07 pm #

    Well, still waiting on the dirty underwear/dirty socks answer?

  9. Library Cinderella December 8, 2011 at 5:49 pm #

    I always found the strangest men on OK Cupid. Most of the men who would contact me were from NYC. They would send emails and be like can you send me a picture of ?

    • Library Cinderella December 8, 2011 at 5:50 pm #

      that was supposed to say –They would send emails and be like can you send me a picture of (specific body parts)?

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