You know what’s amazing? Vacations! I love a vacation. I love a road trip, and I love it even more when the destination of the trip is yuppie haven: Martha’s Vineyard. Mamacita and I are on our way to spend Thanksgiving and my birthday on the Vineyard. We’re fucking fancy, y’all. And the beauty of it all is she’s paying for everything AND I get to drive her luxury vehicle the whole entire way.
Here’s when it all goes wrong: when you’re on 95 just outside of NYC and a big fat metal crate is in the road way and you can’t slam on your breaks because you’ll be rear ended and you can’t swerve to the right because a big fucking truck is there so you run over the thing and then you end up with a flat tire. No joke. In the Bronx, just the two of us with the car piled high and a flat fucking tire. Thankfully, she has road side assistance and they came to change the tire for us.
BUT and this is a big but, it’s a temporary tire. One you can’t drive on over 50 mph. Makes it hard to get to your destination when you’re driving slower than someone’s grandmother. Yes, that was me you were flipping off and honking at yesterday. We spent two hours in the Bronx driving around looking for a replacement tire. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a tire for a Land Rover? Next to impossible because no one fucking has one – except for Land Rover, who doesn’t have a dealership in the Bronx. Go figure.
After several hours of getting stuck in the world’s worst traffic – because no one near NYC can drive, we finally decided to drive on the temporary to our first stop. Amazing, fucking amazing driving that slow on the highway. I seriously thought I would never have to do that…until I turned 90 and became one of those drivers.
We spent several more hours this morning looking for another tire, only to find out they’re backordered and not being produced by Pirelli. Awesome and amazing. That means she has to have all four tires replaced and it’ll run her $1500, without the service.
We’re off to a great start!