One of the nice things about being single is never being woken up in the middle of the night by someone snoring, hogging the bed or blankets, talking in his sleep, or hitting. Yeah, I just said hitting. I’ve been fortunate enough to never have slept (actual sleeping) with anyone other than someone who snored. There were times when I considered covering his nose and mouth with duct tape, but instead I opted for a sharp elbow to the ribs along with a “YOU’RE SNORING!” yelled sweetly into an ear. Rather effective. It never got bad enough where someone had to leave the room – thank God!
I had a girlfriend who had it even worse. Her husband suffered from night terrors. For those of you that don’t know what they are, imagine being awake during a nightmare. He would have horrible dreams and would jump out of bed, yell, etc. and appear as he was awake. One time he dreamed his wife was covered in snakes so he immediately tried knocking them off of her – she woke up to him hitting her. Not fun, for her, but totally amusing for me.
Yesterday a friend of mine, a newly wed, told me he freaked the fuck out of his new bride. His wife woke up in the middle of the night to get a drink of water. She leaned over to him because he was making some noises and he suddenly whispered, “Everything I touch dies.” Of course that freaked her out, so she immediately left the room. A little while later she came back and crawled into bed. As soon as she was settled back under the covers, he turned towards her and said, “don’t move.” Needless to say she didn’t get much sleep for the rest of the night.
Feel bad for those guys…and I’ll think of them when I tuck myself into the middle of my bed, hogging covers and pillows and drift off to sleep with no one to disturb my slumber.