Archive | 10:16 pm

What Happens In Vegas, Stays In Vegas

28 Sep

…unless what happens is that you sleep with someone who has Herpes and then you end up getting it and bringing it home to your loved ones.  That shit isn’t staying in Vegas.  That’s why you shouldn’t sleep with hookers, or with Jewcy Bits.  You don’t want those sores on your junk.  They’ll be painful, trust me.

Blah blah.

We’ve all heard the crazy sick stories of the stuff people have run into in Vegas.  Well guess what?  You’re going to hear more stories because yours truly is FINALLY going to Vegas.  I know you’re wondering how it’s possible that someone as awesome as myself hasn’t been to Sin City.  Frankly, Lord knows why I haven’t made it there.  That’s all about to change because I’m taking my show on the road and will finally be able to say I’ve walked the strip and seen the fountains and gambled and drank and blah blah snore.  Finally!

Jewcy Bits will be very busy running a marathon while I cheer her on and hit on strangers.  It’s going to be fucking awesome!  I know you’re expecting us to come back with stories of people with whom we’ve hooked up with.  More than likely you’ll be hearing stories of how we made out with our dinner plates and how we store minis out of the hotel fridge.  Yeah, I know, we live awesome lives. It’s true.  Maybe, just maybe, we’ll run into Celine Dion and tell her she needs to eat a sandwich.

Good fucking times, people. Good fucking times.